What is the purpose of online dating if people are too far?

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Outrider
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19 Apr 2016, 7:29 am

Of course, the vast majority of people on the planet will be geographically unavailable to you, but what about the common situation where, while there may be plenty of people in immediate surrounding areas, there really isn't much opportunity within your own city?

What are other's experiences here with online dating? General advice helps, but I'd prefer specific advice.

If most people on most dating sites you are on are in fact about 1-2hrs drive, is there really any purpose in trying to get to know them if you can't set-up a first-date quickly, especially if you find it difficult to have online friendships in the long-term?

I personally don't really enjoy online friendships and have none, aside from using the internet to maintain contact with those I've met in the real-world at least a few times before.

Otherwise, it is very difficult for me to find pleasure out of saying hello, chatting and befriending random strangers who may be a distance away from me, whether that be half the world of halfway across the state.

If it's someone I could actually meet, someone quite literally on my doorstep and living in the same city or just a few minutes on the outskirts, it would be fine.

But this is a very empty city. Ironically the largest inland city in the country, and the region capital, it seems to be lacking in singles both in real-life, and even unfortunately there really isn't that many options online either.

Kind of sad, really.

Any thoughts/advice?



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19 Apr 2016, 7:35 am

Sucks living in the biggest 'city' in the state, even though it's a very small city to the point it can be considered a very big town.

Otherwise the immediate surrounding areas are all small country towns anywhere from 20-60 minutes out.

The 'big city' is just under 2hrs away in realistic traffic conditions.

This feels like such a barren and isolated part of Australia.

A small city right slap in the middle of the countryside.

It's even high on-top of a mountain range, up and away from the country towns down below.

It's almost a prison without walls. The only way out of town is by car, no planes or trains, and even then you have to drive your car down the mountain range highway, very risky and all sorts of accidents happen on it. Your only 'escape' may risk your very life.

Once we were driving up the mountain getting back from a road trip.

The weather and road conditions were frightingly intense. My mother and step-dad both needed full concentration (both driving different cars). It was extremely foggy, slippery.

NOTHING was visible. No lights, no road markings. She could not see where she was driving whatsoever. I feared for my life that night...



kraftiekortie
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19 Apr 2016, 7:38 am

I find the purpose of long distance dating:

The possibility of travelling to other places.

This would give me the incentive to make more bucks! (Bucks are American dollars)



izzeme
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19 Apr 2016, 8:44 am

actually, living 1-2 hours apart isn't seen as "far away" most of the time.
how far in distance 1 hour is depends on your available transportation; since i got a car, i see 100 miles as "acceptable" distance, while having only a bike, 20 miles might be too far already.

usually, 60-80 miles is "medium distance", and therefor not a dealbreaker off the bat



Jacoby
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19 Apr 2016, 8:48 am

I wouldn't really call it dating unless you've met before, I dunno nobody has found me that interesting. I use to have friends online but not really any more, it's a lot harder(at least for me for some reason) Guess it doesn't matter.



kraftiekortie
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19 Apr 2016, 9:09 am

I think, in most cases, that meeting someone in person is rather an essential component of dating/being friends with someone.



Alliekit
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19 Apr 2016, 11:27 am

I have always really stuggled with long distance friendships but once I met someone (my now boyfriend) I found that I wanted to talk to him everyday.

We live 3 hours apart but still find it a fulfilling and an enjoy having mini weekend holidays where I visit him :)



Earthling
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19 Apr 2016, 11:57 am

First and foremost it allows you to "meet" people you wouldn't meet in real life (other end of your city or they leave the house at different times).
After that you get to decide if they are too far away from you.
Im essence it's a nice concept.
And if they are too far away, they would not have been a dating prospect in the first place.
I honestly see nothing wrong with it, the sites you're using just don't have that many users from your location.



rdos
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19 Apr 2016, 12:09 pm

I've met most of my long-term online friends IRL. It seems like that is essential for maintaining something long-term.
Thus, I don't think long-distance friendships or relationships will work in the long run. You need to meet IRL at least a few times for it to work. I'm even more particular about relationships. If I was single, I would not consider meeting somebody online for a relationship, but I might use Facebook or similar to get to know somebody I already fancied in real life.



Sweetleaf
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19 Apr 2016, 12:54 pm

I don't see much point in long distance relationships, where there isn't a feasible way to meet them before deciding if you want a relationship. However 1-2 hours away really doesn't seem that bad, that is how long it can take to get places on public transit here and even driving due to traffic. But yeah I wasn't interested in seeking out people from different states or too far outside the Denver area as that would be too far, and usually with that sort of distance people want you to decide you'll be their girlfriend/boyfriend before you meet in person otherwise its not worth the trip and I know I couldn't decide that without meeting someone.

I actually did consider something like that with one guy I was talking to from some site that isn't even up anymore, but it turned into talking on facebook and instant messaging but then I couldn't bring myself to actually follow through with moving in with him as his girlfriend without ever having met him.

As for the road being dangerous, there are accidents on the highways here...not exactly infrequently though they aren't all very bad accidents. I couldn't say if this road you're talking about has more or not, but I know accidents aren't an uncommon sight on the highways here. If you're a competent driver though and don't drive if the weather conditions create dangerous low visibility you'd probably be fine.


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19 Apr 2016, 6:23 pm

I guess what I'm getting at is, you can't talk to someone for a couple days or so before asking them out to meet in X location.

With someone 1-2 hours away, you kind of have to chat with them for far longer than that and simply get to know them better, have something of an online friendship, before agreeing to a date when the time comes.

All the while she still has at least a few other guys far away from her doing the exact same thing, and a few in her own location/city also chatting to her who they could ask out in a date not long after chatting.

No one would be willing to meet some stranger for a date if they're 1-2 hrs away not long after speaking to them, but someone only say 30 mins on the outskirts of town and goes into town all the time themselves anyway might agree to meet with you while they're in the city.

See what I mean now?

Not really big on the whole 'chatting to someone 1-2 hrs away for a longer time until one of us is close enough for a genuine meet-up' thing. :|



314pe
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20 Apr 2016, 2:35 am

Alliekit wrote:
We live 3 hours apart but still find it a fulfilling and an enjoy having mini weekend holidays where I visit him :)

I do that too. Unfortunately I can't go every weekend, but I go whenever I can. My fiance lives 16ish hours away and two countries away from me (i.e. I cross two whole countries on my way). We have met in real life and use online communication only to keep the relationship.



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20 Apr 2016, 2:52 am

Isn't it better to meet someone in the real-world first and use the internet to maintain your connection, rather than use the internet to be friends with new people you can't meet anytime soon?

The internet hides a lot about people - obvious things like whether they're real or not, but also things like their general demeanor. Their gesture, speech patterns, etc.

You could talk to someone who seems nice only to realize they're loud, attention-seeking and obnoxious in the real world because you never saw anything beyond text.

I guess there's always skype, but even then, chatting to someone 1-2 hours away is like a halfway point between relationship and long-distance relationship, i.e. it's better than an LDR, but still not as good as someone close enough to see more than infrequently.



Alliekit
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20 Apr 2016, 4:03 am

Outrider wrote:
Isn't it better to meet someone in the real-world first and use the internet to maintain your connection, rather than use the internet to be friends with new people you can't meet anytime soon?

The internet hides a lot about people - obvious things like whether they're real or not, but also things like their general demeanor. Their gesture, speech patterns, etc.

You could talk to someone who seems nice only to realize they're loud, attention-seeking and obnoxious in the real world because you never saw anything beyond text.

I guess there's always skype, but even then, chatting to someone 1-2 hours away is like a halfway point between relationship and long-distance relationship, i.e. it's better than an LDR, but still not as good as someone close enough to see more than infrequently.


I never found anyone close to me who I felt that strongly about. I would gladly travel for longer just to be wit my boyfriend because he is not only the love of my life but also my closest and most trusted friend.

I had never met anyone like him in my area and even when I went to uni somewhere else I didn't. I never wanted to be in a long distance relationship as I suck at long distance friendships.



The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Apr 2016, 4:12 am

Quote:
What is the purpose of online dating if people are too far?


Cyber sex. :skull: :skull: :troll:

Seriously, it is silly, no purpose at all.



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20 Apr 2016, 5:53 am

Well, at least at my age, one doesn't have the independence or recourses to be able to meet someone one or two towns over and 1-2 hours away, at least not suddenly.

I think most adults as well, actually, would not quickly meet someone who lives a few towns over but instead spend at least severel weeks-months chatting to them.

See, I am simply not interested in this.

What is it with this generation and technology? We're far too trusting of strangers on the internet - you never know when you might be cat-called, or even just lied to in some way.

If I can't meet them about 3-9 days after chatting, I can't confirm whether we'd be compatible through real-life speech and if they are being honest with me or not.

I wish I could develop patience.

My family have been planning to move for such a long time now, meaning i can't actually set any roots not even in my current town because as soon as we leave...

So if I met and got a gf here, unlikely as it's so boring and uneventful, I'd be moving 1-2 hrs away from her anyway.

I think it's usually too far for young teens to handle.

I got no interest in the university here. I don't care how big it is, most of my old friends from high school, the traitors, are attending and I want to avoid them as much as possible.

I don't actually know what i want to do yet, and want to take my time before making a choice, a course or degree is usually too long, a few years, and i dont want to bother applying if it means i have to go through the hassle of transfering.