The Dating Coach Is In

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affengeil
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27 Sep 2007, 11:27 pm

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/27/fashion/27dating.html

Pugly
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27 Sep 2007, 11:29 pm

So basically... in a certain sense... this is paying for sex...

_________________
Wonder what it feels like to be in love?
How would you describe it, like a push or shove?
Guess I could pretend that this is all I need
Wanting more than what I have might appear as greed.

shadexiii
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27 Sep 2007, 11:29 pm

affengeil
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27 Sep 2007, 11:37 pm

Pugly wrote:

So basically... in a certain sense... this is paying for sex...

dating = sex?

Pugly
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27 Sep 2007, 11:38 pm

Given the goals of guys, yes.

atty61
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28 Sep 2007, 1:20 am

Dating coach??? I'm assuming this is all a joke of some kind. Either that or the person who posted this should get back to the caves....
I'll translate that for you: "Ug, ug, ooog! Nggg, ooh. Uhh, uhh."

affengeil
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28 Sep 2007, 10:17 pm

It's interesting (and telling) that those who need this type of help most are those who reject it.

calandale
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28 Sep 2007, 10:44 pm

Hell yes. Don't you see that there is more
than not understanding what other people
do? It's almost a moral thing - not wanting to
be false to oneself.

violentcloud
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28 Sep 2007, 11:04 pm

Pugly wrote:

Given the goals of guys, yes.

That's a lovely generalisation there. Don't drag us all down with you, please.

affengeil
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28 Sep 2007, 11:13 pm

calandale wrote:

Hell yes. Don't you see that there is more
than not understanding what other people
do? It's almost a moral thing - not wanting to
be false to oneself.

Did you not read the article?

If you cannot get a job because you consistently botch interviews, would it not make sense to find out why? Maybe (just maybe) you are doing and/or saying things that actually BETRAY the real you. Maybe if someone else told you how your body language looked to them, or how the things you say sound to them, you would find out, for once, that what you are projecting is NOT at all what you are feeling or intending. But unless someone tells you this, how will you ever know? Your dates will most certainly not tell you, "the reason I stopped calling was because you just seemed very anxious and guarded around me," or "I really like you but you I can't get past your B.O."

Is your TRUE self anxious and stinky? If not, how would changing those outward qualities be false to yourself? And if you truly ARE stinky, then how could it hurt to start smelling a little, uh, fresher?

For example.

(FYI Cal, I didn't notice any B.O.)

Last edited by affengeil on 28 Sep 2007, 11:24 pm, edited 2 times in total.

calandale
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28 Sep 2007, 11:18 pm

My point is that putting a mask on things that
are so important, is either going to be a lie,
OR it may change what you fundamentally are.

The first seems dishonest, and will probably be
discovered. The second is betrayal.

affengeil
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28 Sep 2007, 11:23 pm

calandale wrote:

I understood your point.

MY point is that a coach--whether for dating or career or otherwise--is not there to help you fake it, or to change you for the worse. A coach is there to help you project the REAL you, or what you would like to project, in order to achieve a goal (which invariably involves other people's interpretations of your behavior, in this case), because [the proverbial] you have been unsuccessful at doing so in the past.

As stated, it is telling, to me at least, that those who need help most are those who rationalize their way away from it.

calandale
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28 Sep 2007, 11:44 pm

But, a goal which includes a betrayal
is not a fair choice. This is the problem,
at heart. We are conditioned to desire that
which is actually against our nature.

Pugly
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29 Sep 2007, 12:33 am

violentcloud wrote:

Pugly wrote:

Given the goals of guys, yes.

That's a lovely generalisation there. Don't drag us all down with you, please.

I'm not at that level. And come on now, it was only a joke in the abstract sense. I don't literally believe that this is like going to a prostitute. In fact, I am sure some use this for upstanding reasons.

But to most guys, better dating will mean more sex. Maybe not one-night stands... heck even if they wait until marriage. And if the dating guide works, it means exactly what I said.

affengeil
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29 Sep 2007, 1:31 am

calandale wrote:

We are conditioned to desire that
which is actually against our nature.

That's life.
Get over it. :wink:

Pugly
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29 Sep 2007, 1:36 am

calandale wrote:

We are conditioned to desire that
which is actually against our nature.

Conditioned as in a society sense, outside forces push us to like what can't have?

Or conditioned as in we always desire what we can't have?

I honestly don't desire what I can't have. I can appreciate what I can't have.

But if it's outside my reach it's outside my radar.

If it was within reach, and then moves out of reach... well bring on the pain...

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