Did I do the right thing?

Post Reply New Topic

Today was the day that the girl who slept with me and gave me my first kiss left forever from college, angry and upset at me, and myself likewise. Here are the important facts about the backstory:

I told her about having aspergers, and how that affects romantic relationships, prior to engaging in intimacy
She expressed the fact that we could never be together, during intimacy, but continued with me anyway
She engaged in another act of intimacy with me about a month after the first
She knew that what she was doing was wrong, and expressed that sentiment to me.
She told me that she was still physically attracted to me, and didn't feel comfortable being alone with me in her room to talk.
We talked several times in her room after that, regardless.
I abandoned all contact with her for about 2 months, after I expressed my desire to make love to her, and she replied that "that would never happen"
About a week ago, I asked her if she wanted to talk with me one more time before she graduates, and she proposed lunch, over text, knowing that I didn't want to do that, instead wanting something more meaningful. I expressed my desire to talk with her somewhere quiet, but she claimed that she didn't have enough time for such an activity, and said a meal was all she could do. I didn't reply to her text, feeling that, after all we went through, a meal was shortchanging our friendship/relationship and avoided communication with her.

Today, we met each other in the hallway of my dorm, and she asked if I was ignoring her. I replied yes. She asked if I wanted to say goodbye to her. I replied no. She said "that's sad," and that's the last thing she said to me.

Opinions?

Was your goal to enter a relationship with her?

Even if you were to meet her for lunch, she is not interested bro in my humble opinion and there's not much you could have done to change that.

You guys were FWBs and it appears that is only what she wanted from you.

I'm sorry that happened.

What you did was not right, nor was it wrong.

You were thinking in your own self-interest and that was if she doesn't want to date me even after all the fun we've been having, I may as well ignore her.

She however maybe wanted to hang-out with you again but just not somewhere very quiet and private like your bedroom or such would be.

The way you handled things was fine but the way a polite person would handle it is dine with her, have one last chat over lunch, and give a friendly goodbye.

The last time people see you is usually the strongest impression that they will have of you. When she goes off to the rest of her life, even if she thinks about you, she might find it uncomfortable, and thus would give her a reason to not even think about you at all. You will need to increase your confidence-levels in order to increase your chances of getting, and keeping, any girls that you may want for a longer-term relationship.

I got plenty of experience to know that a girl cannot stop thinking about you if you were to make her feel good and that feeling good is what she remembers when thinking about you. Some girls go through rough times in life, and if the only time she has ever felt good in her entire life was when a guy like me was giving her womaniser-like attention, especially if everything else has continued to go wrong in her life, then if I see her again I can guarantee that she will be willing to warm up and be receptive to additional womaniser-like attention I give her.

Like the previous forum-member stated, you are not acting right or wrong with your interactions, just that you are inexperienced. A White-Belt in a Martial Arts School is not expected to perform at the level of a Black-Belt or Instructor. Once you can develop yourself to be able to gain consistent always confident-levels it actually becomes quite easy to make any girls who get into a relationship with you want to stay in a relationship with you. The issue, how-ever, kind of reverses to where you may not necessarily desire to have exclusive relationships with the girls whom find themselves interested in you.

These things are rarely right or wrong, but one important thing you didn't say was how you feel about it. Do you regret it ending like this? If you don't then I think in time you will. If you do then all you can really do is text her to apologise, say you were shocked to see her and were on the back foot so said what you did. She didn't do anything particularly bad to you, all she did was not want to be in a relationship with you when you wanted one with her. That's life, we can't make the people we like, like us back. In life you probably will encounter girls that do actually do something bad to you that will deserve your resentment, and when you have those kinds of experiences is when you'll probably look back at this girl and think maybe you should have acted differently.

However we act the way we think is right at the time, life is unfortunately full of regrets so either way try not to dwell on it too much.

I think I know how OP feels.

It is typical of us young adolescent males to find rejection extremely hard to bear and to react in irrational ways.

I don't think the OP reacted wrongly.

I know how that feels, OP essentially felt lead-on because of her inconsistency and contradictory behavior.

Saying she's not interested yet coming back to have sex with him once again, saying she wants it to only be about sex and no emotional or talking stuff yet has deep conversation with him after the sex and wants to hang out with him.

I have suffered the same stuff as with my first girlfriend here feelings seemed on-again off-again and I not only wasted time but suffered heartbreak at the hands of her dumping me twice.

I'm one to give second chances, and it was wasted.

I felt she was using me for physical gratification. When I asked to talk one more time, i wanted to give myself closure, which I knew a meal would not do. Even from the getgo, our relationship wasn't equal; in bed, she would tell me to do things, and I had no way to express what I wanted. I am angry at her, angry at myswlf, and upset about how horrible this whole interaction went down. I felt, after deciding to cut off communicstion, thst any further interaction with her would be unproductive. It was also too painful to see her on person, after the traumatic experience of getting intimate with a girl for the first time.