What is "chemistry" based on your experiences?

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I've met a lot of folks from online sites (OKCupid/Plentyoffish/Coffee Meets Bagel), but usually don't get second dates. Usually, we agree to meet up for a second date in person, I end up waiting a day or something to text back/see how her day is going, then I get a message about not meeting again.

A relatively small portion of the messages are "I felt uncomfortable around you," sometimes with a specific reason. For the most part however, most are "I had fun/enjoyed the night, but I didn't feel any chemistry."

What exactly is chemistry? Have you had experiences where you/the other person experienced it?

Telling you that there is no chemistry is usually a polite way of telling you that they are not attracted or interested in you.

We men simply call it sexual attraction.

For me chemistry is being able to be completely yourself around the person. Being insanely happy even when chatting or being completely silent.

It's hard to describe it's like nothing else exists when your with that person.

For me "chemistry" is mutual sexual attraction...I can see that there's a comfortableness factor to it. In my opinion, it's AN indicator but not THE indicator on a successful relationship. I'm in a relationship with chemistry now but I think the chemistry has kind of put me in a pickle. I probably should have broken it off many times but the chemistry causes me to keep turning a blind eye to things that I know I probably shouldn't ignore.

People make a lot of decisions based on instinct. I don't think there is a good definition of "chemistry." When someone says they don't feel chemistry, I generally interpret it to mean "you're not a bad person, but I don't find myself very interested in a relationship with you, and I can't explain why."

I've found that chemistry has 3 distinct meanings, and "having chemistry" usually involves all 3:

1.) Physical attraction
2.) Compatible personalities/lifestyles - how easily does the conversation flow, and how much do you have in common?
3.) Romantic compatibility - this is having the appropriate level of physical contact, kissing at the right moment, giving the right compliments without overdoing it, etc.

I find that if you have two out of the three, it will usually lead to 2-3 dates before you get the "no chemistry" message. If you have all 3, it will usually lead to a relationship.

To be perfectly honest the above is all you really need to know. It's just a saying, a way of letting you down without hurting your feelings, don't over-analyse it.

It's sexual tension

In the context you describe, it sounds like they are candy coating a little. 'Didn't feel the chemistry' is just an abstract/less negative way of saying they are not interested in seeing you again. And there is nothing wrong with being polite and not trying to hurt your feelings.

But in general the idea of 'Chemistry' in relationships is as complicated or as simple as you want to make it. At the simple end it is just a gut feeling about how much two people get along and like each other. At the complicated end you break it down into all the various psychological and emotional elements to discuss or analyze an it usually requires studying the subject.

For me it is compatibility. It has nothing to do with attraction or sexual attraction. It's all about the girl being neurodiverse in the relationship area.

I do habe the best chemistry with neurodiverse people. It's like connecting on another level, a special place that regular people can't see or understand. You just get each other.

When you spend half of your life being misunderstood and then someone comes along who just gets it, that's amazing!

It's also pretty awesome when you're sexually attracted to them too. Double the chemistry.

I don't think that's what NT chemistry is, though it'd be a dreadful shame if they couldn't feel this feeling of just belonging with someone.

I'm NT . . .chemistry for me is feeling safe and comfortable with someone . . . . . Usually due to having similar interests, same humour, same common beliefs, but also possible a little bit of something none of us quite understand . .. . . I.E chemistry. And for me it doesn't have to be sexual - just attraction in general . . . .. Wanting to spend time with someone, be with them, talk to them etc

For me chemistry is just "clicking" with someone... you hit it off, you're comfy chatting, you'd like to see them again.

Yes, that seems to be a major difference, and a few NDs believe this is how it works for them too (and possibly it does for some). As for me, I feel chemistry long before I know any of the above, and I also prefer to extend the phase when I don't know this for as long as possible.



I think we share those traits, maybe except that last. Too much talking is not my preference.

Chemistry is just mutual attraction/comfortability.

You know it when you feel it - when, without words, you know you have a good thing going-on with them.