Lack of Possibilities

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As I approach my 36th birthday I'm confronted by the fact that I seem incapable of having a relationship. This is due in no small part to a number of things I can't control at all chief among them being that I don't feel a connection to other people whatsoever. I can't feel friendship much less a sense of romantic closeness. Add to this that my brain is hardwired to find the things that most people find comforting/inviting to be confusing, irritating, obnoxious, and in extreme cases, anger inducing and I don't see how a bond could form between me and another human being. My personality is just naturally abrasive and distant as a result of these mental misfires.

This doesn't end with the mental as I have physical problems as well. I'm diabetic and reducing my food intake and exercising has had only minimal results. I'm not sure what would be needed to get my weight down to the period where I'm not considered obese. I'm not exactly a looker either and I've seen pure disgust in peoples' faces when they look at me.

All in all I feel like I don't have any chance whatsoever at anything approaching a normal life and honestly despise myself for being so wretched.

I wish you weren't feeling this way.

As far as your weight is concerned, people are less concerned with it as you get older.

You should make sure you are clean of body and clothes. That's 3/4s of the battle won already.

I second Kraftie's comments. I also wonder if you are experiencing depression. Depression is unusually common in those of us with ASD diagnoses. If you're feeling worthless, hopeless, or like everything is futile, I would talk to a therapist and get tested for depressive tendencies.

Attitude and self-confidence are substantial factors in how you come off to a potential partner, and depression eats into both of those traits. Fortunately it is treatable, both through medications and through behavioral techniques that are not very hard to learn. Having it under control has made a world of difference for me.

I have been diagnosed with major depression. Sadly the medications I've been on don't seem to really work well for me. The other issue is that a lot of this comes from problems that can not be fixed. Treating the depression is at best treating a symptom, not dealing with the root of the problem which is a common issue in modern psychology today. The brain is easily the least understood organ in the human body and we are nowhere near being able to correct massive personality disorders that are the result of a poor genes or a bad birth. Knowing that is little consolation when your own mind born malfunction and becomes your own torturer.

Might be worth trying different meds for depression -- finding the right one is more art than science.

I'm sorry to hear that Nist. But I do recommend you try various alternatives and see if you can find something that works better. Maybe switch therapists if your current care provider isn't willing to experiment.

I have found some holistic techniques that proved more practical for me than medication. These include things like intercepting and redirecting trains of thought that can lead to a bout of depression, or trying to "burn through" a depression episode by cocooning and slinging myself back out of it. Some therapists won't touch them because they are difficult for a therapist to teach and difficult for people to learn. This is just what worked for me, and everyone is different.

Good luck.

I just realized that I described the behavioral techniques as "not very hard to learn" in my first post. OK, it took me years. They seem simpler after enough practice.

At this point I don't know what to do. I have the normal human desire to be a part of a group yet at the same I have an extreme internal disgust toward social situations and interacting with people. It's like having a war within your mind. If it was one or the other I could probably be fine with it but as it stands I'm pretty much incapacitated when it comes to finding any kind of solution to balance this situation.

I've had trouble contacting the mental health group, their receptionist never seems to be in and the medication just doesn't work and I have to wait until August to see a psychiatrist to get the medication changed. Work doesn't help matters either.

Well the psychiatrist I was supposed to see apparently isn't taking any more clients and they won't be accepting new ones until the new psych starts at the end of summer. You try to get help and the system basically tells you to piss off, how typical.