Moving in with boyfriend but family in the way

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So I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend and have been for the last 2 years. I have just finished uni and want to go on to do a masters and phd. At the same we both want to take our relationship further.

Currently we can't afford the flats up for rent at the moment to of either of our parents so I asked my mum if he could move in while we look for a place. He is willing to go to college near me as it offers better opportunities and I want to go to uni near me aswell

My mum wasn't keen but she is considering it amd is willing. The problem is my older brother. He is 2 years older and when I tried to talk to him about it said no and walked away. He wouldn't even let me explain. My mum won't agree unless he is ok with it because she dosent want to 'drive him out' :'(. I'm getting really fustrated and any advice would be appreciated

Hugs
Hope it works out

Hi Alliekit
Yes, long distance relationships are a pain. My gf can't move here because she has kids (as do I but old enough to be independent) ... and for me to move there I'd have to learn a difficult language!

You're in the UK I think (can't see your details in this reply page), and affording places here is a nightmare.

I kind of understand your mother's position - it's not good to impose extra people on existing family (unless you have a massive house!). But I don't understand your brother's at all. Any idea why he won't even talk about it? Do you generally get on? Does he have issues about his space in the house, how he's treated, how you're treated?

I was thinking something like that too. Alliekit, there may be something your brother isn't telling you as this behaviour appears to be quite avoidant, and until you work out whether that is the case or not, it's going to get in the way. If he won't talk to you, maybe he'll talk to your mother so it may be worth telling her and asking her to ask him.

I hope this works out for you and your family.

Be careful. Even if your brother agrees, later he may be less than friendly with your boyfriend. I suggest you to look for other options. Maybe rent a flat with friends for example.

I am one of them "extreme" individuals who takes measures to the extreme. Get yourself a tent or two, find a hidden area on some earth-maps site, proceed to claim your own rental-free residence. From there you gather the resources that you need for self-sustenance. Set up a system to grow your own food, such as through simplified hydroponics, collect and filter your own water for drinking, get the necessary resources to be able to build/create/produce devices that can generate your own electricity, etc.

Remember, the reason you cannot afford to do things on your own, because it's all rigged. Stop playing the rigged game and make your own game, live within or even well-below your means whilst setting up the necessary essentials, and if you two cannot do it on your own, find a group of other people who are in similar situations to set up an infrastructure of your own local-community, such that you simply find an unused/unclaimed plot of land somewhere that you can use to build your own houses. For the tent-method, should it be close enough to a city location, you just need to know where the showers are (college campuses, swimming pool, etc.), laundromats (although you can set this up on your own if you claimed your own "God-given" plot of land), various hot-spots for Wi-Fi if you need Internet-access, and I cannot stress enough that everybody on this earth will soon need to learn how to be independent of the financial-system (i.e.: growing your own food, generating your own electricity, pumping/collecting/generating/filtering your own water for drinking, etc). Hey, you asked for any advice after all, now it is up to you to do something with the responses.

I think that some men don't like other men coming in and having sex with the women of their house/tribe.

That doesn't imply anything about your brother, except that his behaviour might be deeply rooted in nature and it'll take time for him to accept your bf/unlearn his ways.

Maybe you guys could all do a day trip or two together to ease any tension between them? Have you asked your brother if there's anything he doesn't want your bf doing if he visits? If he gets uncomfortable or can't talk about it....then it's likely down to what I said in my first paragraph.

Doesn't the uni have cheap corridor flats that you can get access to? I don't think it is a good idea to force this onto your brother. He is likely to get a real pain in the ass for the two of you if you manage to persuade him and / or your mother.

In London they are way to expensive

I know England is impossible for housing. I even checked out the housing list out of curiousity and there are only 8 plces available and hundreds on the list. The waiting period is 8 years.

He is a bit territorial and doesn't like pool in his space (even though it's not his). We get along but he is confusing cause he turns everything into a joke.