Is having a social life important for a relationship?

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I have now finished my course for the summer and I am off for over 3 months.. I am 20 years old, never had a girlfriend and now I think its time to stop ignoring my primal instincts and try seek a relationship as I think it will be a nice goal over the summer not only to fill the time gap because I genuinely want to meet and get to know women and find someone similar, and be with a real, breathing human instead of a relationship with explicit content.

Now I've been thinking of doing online dating because I don't really see myself approaching women at random I don't feel that confident YET and its no secret guys with ASD don't really do that. But I feel I would be comfortable enough to get to know someone online then meet them in a place I'm familiar with.

But partly why I haven't started online dating or dating generally is negative self esteem about my social life. I don't not have friends, but I love and so used to being on my own. I don't have any photos of me with any friends on Facebook or any social media and don't really update my profile much. This book I read about online dating said if you don't have any photos of you with others it makes you look like a loner or anti-social and this is what made my heart sink. I choose not to be as social as others as I find it difficult relating to my male peers and challenges with social situations, and the only ones I have care about getting wasted, the opposite of my interests. I feel though if I met a nice, understanding girl with similar interests I wouldn't find those social situations too difficult. I don't really get on much with guys my age.

If I make a profile with just pictures of me without others does this look like I'm a loner/weird? And if I find someone and we communicate further will she judge me not having any photos of being with friends and not a very active social account?

Cheers!

Your main profile picture should be of just you, and the secondary pictures of you with mixed groups. It would show others that you can be sociable and know how to get on with both genders.

As for having a social life - it helps if you have one because there is less pressure in your mind to the attachment between you and your partner, it keeps a healthy balance between love and social time. It also helps to remove any jealousy you may encounter if your partner is often busy with their friends. And if worse comes to worse, you will always have your friends ack!

TL;DR - social life helps, and have a mix of profile pics.

I wish it wasn't so important...

but people tend to believe (sometimes erroneously) that people who have a "social life" are more viable than those without a "social life."

I have NO social life. And I'm quite viable, thank you

Online dating allows you to advertise yourself to a lot of people.

Wouldn't you rather find the one person who likes the quirky real you--just the way you are?

Having some sort of social life is decently important, even when online dating.

If you do not have your friends or hobbies, the woman will (usually, and rightfully so) fear that you will become clingy.

It is indeed recommended that you have some (secondairy) pictures of you doing social-related things.

Thanks for the responses. I certainly like the idea of finding someone that will accept the way I am but I guess it can't hurt to have photos of me socialising. But the thing is I don't know how to smile on camera! Every time I do it just looks like a frown. I'm actually seeing a friend tomorrow for coffee, maybe I can take a snap with them then?
I don't take many photos, my life isnt eventful enough to capture special moments and whatnot

Oh jeez. If I have to take a picture with other people for dating sites, I'm just going to find some strangers and ask them to pose for a picture with me.

Yes.

Most people's pictures on dating sites are only of them. It makes sense: if you're on the site, the point is for people to date you, not your friends. Also, I've always found it kind of rude to put pictures of friends/family up on dating sites without their permission, since they may not want their pictures up on the internet like that.

Now, on to your question: I think that having a social life is important, but I think that having a life is far and away more important. You just need to have something going on in your life, so that you stay busy even when you aren't with your partner. In my case for example, I hardly have any close friends, and my social life mostly involves a night out every now and then with some coworkers. However, I keep myself very busy with my hobbies - exploring the outdoors, visiting new places, cooking, etc. I have never felt that my lack of a social life has inhibited me with dating at all, but I think that if I didn't have an active life full of hobbies and activities, I think that it would significantly hinder me. Plus, having a lot of things going on gives you plenty of interesting conversation material to grab a potential partner's interest.

Yes, unfortunately you will be judged for it,

Women may be suspicious of a man with no friends.

People will wonder why this is so.

In online dating it such as Tinder it is good not for your main picture but your secondary pictures to have you with family or friends, preferably friends.

I have friends myself but all of them live in other places (I use to live near them before i had to constantly move) but I keep in contact with them online, but otherwise I have no friend nearby I could just call up and hang out with.

This may make her suspicious if she wants to meet my friends but I tell her I can't. She may just assume they are only 'online friends' and I have no real life friends when I DID meet these people in real life.

Have a read of this, it's quite interesting

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-4 ... -pictures/

As long as you are attractive and\or have a good picture you'll get interest, the fact that the picture is with others is neither here nor there.

What are you on about?

I've read that article before and it just backs up my suspicion every single online dating behavior I find obnoxious and unattractive are the most common things people do to their profiles and are actually popularly liked.

I'd prefer a smiling woman than expessionless 'flirting' look.

Modesty over cleavage shots and 'myspace' angles.

The men who tend to take shirtless pics aren't always 'ripped' but simply have a low body fat meaning whatever little muscle they have is visible, aka they are just skinny.

I've noticed this is especially true for teen boys who take shirtless pics showing off their abs even if they are skinny/average-sized for their age.

I'm talking about the 14 year old kids who take pictures like this:



Yet get like 30 likes from all the girl's from his high school.

"As long as you are attractive and\or have a good picture you'll get interest, the fact that the picture is with others is neither here nor there."

Yeah, I guess you're right. You don't have to take pics that make you look social, just sell your soul to appeal to a wider audience as much as possible.

To be honest a few beach/outdoorsy social pics with friends sounds far more appealing right about now.

Forget your modesty or morals, even if you're a fit male who doesn't like taking shirtless pics, take them anyway. If you're a woman who would rather smile and look modest to the camera, fuggedaboutit. You should be looking seductively into the camera and taking cleavage shots.

You're a male? Turn that smile upside down, women find it more attractive you have a cold killer's facial expression and have a look of disdain and disinterest.

Kinda backs up the whole 'women like apathetic ar55holes' stereotype, doesn't it?

Probably why this criminal's mugshot was so popular on the internet.

I found it disgusting. Dude looks cold and sociopathic, face is scarred and too rigid. And of course, his personality probably wouldn't be ideal since he's a convicted felon.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style ... 84874.html

Dude ended up getting a modeling contract after being released.

I'm bisexual if it's relevant, so I find both the online dating men and women behaviors annoying.

Of course I assume you weren't addressing me but in general, but I felt like replying to it anyway.

The book gave you bad advice - dating profile pics should be of you alone. Your Facebook profile's irrelevant, since the girls you meet online won't (and shouldn't) know your last name until you've gone out a few times. For your and their security!

Assuming you meet a girl you hit it off with and go out a few times and she friends you, you can (1) set FB privacy so that she can't see most of what you post or (2) give her access and let her see for herself that you don't use it often, so lack of friend pics is a non-issue.

It doesn't matter because IMO, people with no social life are no different from those with a social life.

If you aren't very social, taking photos with big groups of people is a little disingenuous. The people who are going to be turned off by a lack of group photos are the same people who would be disappointed to find out you aren't a very social person after meeting you.

In saying that though, using similar pictures/only selfies will make you seem kinda boring. I guess what you want to do is encapsulate your life, and what you're all about with pictures, so just taking selfies for example is going to indicate that you're not a very interesting person. It's probably something you could get away with if you're super attractive, but not so much for the average guy.

I'd say you're better off using pictures that depict you engaging in hobbies and interests, etc. It's a more honest reflection, and that should hopefully attract more like-minded people than trying to appeal more broadly, but not really communicating what you're all about.