Is it okay to be picky when looking at the long-term?

Post Reply New Topic

Is it okay to be picky about who I want to marry or be in a long-term relationship. That's right, the woman I want to have children with?

I'm a guy and I have certain "requirements"/preferences in a lifelong partner. Being very physically attractive, but as for stuff in common, we are both moderate Christians/Republicans, she would really love to raise children, and singing/similar talents, while not absolutely needed it melts my heart. Can I truly have it both ways?

I feel discouraged because most of what I heard is that the combination of attractive/personality is mutually exclusive.

And before you tell me "you are wasting your time", keep in mind that this is the one who I will spend the rest of my life with.

I feel pretty confident that if I really wanted to, I can improve my chances by giving a woman something to offer.

I would think that dating just for the sake of dating with no marital interest is a "waste of time," not being picky about a wife or husband.

It's better to be picky about a partner than to be stuck in an unfulfilling relationship.

Sure it's ok, but don't forget that conventionally attractive women may be really picky themselves.

you're spending the rest of your life with this person, ideally.

i say: be as picky as you need. just don't be unrealistic.

It is not only ok, being picky is a healthy thing for the long-term.

Be careful of being *too* picky though:
Requiring the person to be "very attractive" will reduce the amount of potentials and therefore the chance of you meeting someone who, for example, can sing.

Make a list of traits you'd want the "ideal" person to have, and rank them ("must", would be great", "i can live without", "only if compensated")
Try to keep the amount of "musts" low (i have about 3, other than "be a woman", out of 40 traits; the rest is nice or a bonus).

I'm just afraid that I may have no realistic chances.

Do you suggest that I date around first or stay single until "the one" comes.

Only you can know if it's realistic or not. Have such women ever shown interest in you? If not, you may need to change things. For example, participate in local church's activities to meet some christian girls.

Please don't date people you aren't attracted to.

The sad part is that looks gaffe, so when I'm old and still find a partner, that youthful magic will be all gone. I don't want it to disappear from me. I know people think it's creepy for a 50s/60s year old to be dating a 20s something.

Unfortunately, not very many women in their 20s enjoy dating men that much older than them.

I just wanna say this... It took me 5 years of convincing my love interest of 10 years to marry. 5 long years, with her saying maybe most of the time and no to me twice. But it was well worth the wait. Don't be afraid to be picky.

As I said one thing I get concerned about is that if I have to wait until I'm much older, I'll have to settle for someone less youthful and the magic will be gone and I'll be too late.

When you truly fall for someone, that magic will always be there, despite their age. The only time that magic won't last is if you become jaded with the idea. I'll bet there's someone out there for you, though. ^-^ There's someone out there for everybody. Wishing you much luck on your search.

You should date some. You'll get a better idea about what you actually want, and whether what you say you want is actually what you want. (Wanting a stay-at-home conservative kid-raiser is potentially stressful from a "you use my money up" vs "you don't do enough around the house" dynamic, for example).

And of course, work on yourself. Be the best you that you can be. Think of it this way:

You should become man you want to be, and attract the type of woman you want in turn. You should not become someone you are not just to attract a woman.

If you want your wife to stay at home and raise kids it would make sense for you to have a job that will allow her to do so without having to worry about how the bills will get paid. Realistically, a mom can't work from home while raising kids.