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Anna_K
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09 Jun 2016, 9:43 am

I've been struggling over this one many times, in inter-faith relationships, is the other person's religion that much of a barrier for a good relationship. I'm a white atheist and I've been dating a Pakistani-Muslim guy for a month and a half. He's really sweet, cute, and we enjoy each other's company as well has share some common interests. Apparently it is forbidden to have relationships outside of marriage in Islam. That confuses me greatly as there are 2 other couples in my school (Muslim girl and white guy and a guy and a girl who are both Muslim) who are dating each other and they don't seem to have problems. My uncle also has a gf who is Muslim and they are doing great. The problem is we are both 16 and too young for marriage. He told me he doesn't care about those rules and has been keeping it a secret from his parents so far. My parents know about him, but if they knew that his parents didn't like it, they would make me end things but I really don't want to do that. I'm stuck rn, is there anyone with the same experience or anyone who could potentially help me with this one?


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el_punto
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09 Jun 2016, 11:12 am

Firstly I had a quick Google and found this Wikipedia article. This suggests that if a non-Muslim woman (I presume you're a woman, if not then I apoligise) were to marry a Muslim man, you'd have to convert to Islam otherwise the marriage would be "suspended" until you convert.
(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interfait ... e_in_Islam)

I cannot tell you what the interpretation of Islamic doctrine would be with this guy's family, you have to remember that all forms of religious doctrine are interpreted differently by different people. Some people follow Muslim and Islamic law stricter than others, so for all you know his family may be quite supportive of your relationship (or whether or not you even convert hypothetically). This is one of those things you'll have to find out for yourself, but his family will evantually find out about your relationship somehow. It's worth him telling them first so you may be more likely to get a positive result. If there is seen to be an element of deception involved (as him withholding this relationship could be seen as a form of deception), they may not be very supportive.

It's also worth noting if you live in the UK, you could marry at 16 with parental consent from both parties. But six weeks of dating wouldn't be long enough to be able to make an accurate decision on that.

Quote:
I've been struggling over this one many times, in inter-faith relationships, is the other person's religion that much of a barrier for a good relationship.


I would say no. On a personal level, I consider myself agnostic but I'm open to dating somebody whom is religious, as long as they respect my religious stance and dont try to convert me. It's about the understanding and friendship first, and religion can be used to help form an attractive character (the same is also true of no religion). Religion can be used as a personal development tool and motivator, particularly newer ones. Unfortunately with older religions like Islam and Christianity, they can also be used as a form of conservatism particularly agaisnt women and science, and issues like yours occurs.



gingerpickles
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Joined: 17 Jan 2016
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09 Jun 2016, 11:13 am

How much time you wish to invest is the key. In law problems rarely improve with time and are taxing on the marriage.
Unless your guy can cut loose from his family (which it doesn't seem likely) this relationship will be painful in the end.
I dated outside my religion and married civil court outside it. My Ex was semi agnostic in front of right people, but an atheist. But in the end they just were not catholic enough for me, It was not biblical but cultural.
Kids? expected from the culture/religion? Upbringing? Worship?

Some people go through motions for family but no longer believe (back slid Protestent faiths, jack Mormons, etc) so the couple only seems mixed faith. And one has too look at mixed couples that have been together more than just a couple year while on their own. With real world pressure, family pressure and relationship growth/strife (not incl kids here). Also big issues in most religions: Abortion, Birth Control, even diet , dress, childraising practices, (conversion not even an issue in these cases).


Though "mixed marriage" of faith is possible, it take both people planning a united strong front and not allowing influence from kin.

Hate to seem a wet blanket. But I might be saving you time... or at least having you look at your chance of success from a pragmatic view.

Good Luck if you try.


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