Counselor wants me to accuse my ex of rape.. but he didn't..

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I'm HFA, my ex-boyfriend is NT.

I discussed our relationship after it finished with a counselor at college because I was having problems getting over it and she's trying to get me to file a complaint with the police cos she thinks with my autism I was took advantage of and I wasn't able to give "valid" consent. She wants me to effectively accuse him of rape.

I hate using this word, but I'm not "ret*d". I consented. Sure I regret it now but at the time I really wanted to and regret now doesn't invalidate the consent then. I brought up the issue of sex, I brought the condoms, I undressed him and the first time we did it was girl on top. It was as far from rape as you can get.

I'm sure a lot of people, men and women, NT and Spectrum, regret their first **** but this really worries me. Does she think anyone with a difference should spend their life celibate? And how many people has she caused problems for who did nothing wrong?

Getting the Police involved will only cause more problems in the long-run.
Celibacy should not be forced upon anybody. Some may do so by choice but many are by circumstance.
Just try to learn something useful from your experiences and focus your thoughts elsewhere for now.
Even traumas can become distant-memories when replaced with other more-dominant active-experiences.

You should just ignore her opinion. If you don't think it was rape, then it wasn't. The idea that autistics are not able to consent to sex is dangerous.

This is scary. If you had been more easily influenced by her, it could have opened up a world of pain for both you and your ex.

It would be hard to convince her that her view is wrong, if she refuses to see you as an adult. Anything you say can be countered by the idea that you don't understand the situation, and therefore your opinions are not valid.

I think that if you are to continue seeing her, she has to somehow learn to respect that you are the expert on your experience and that you make your own decisions.

I agree with the above.

Don't listen to your counselor on this.

wow. can you get a different counselor?
maybe one who can think logically? that wouldn't be too much to ask of someone who is certified to give people major life suggestions, right?

I'd get the police onto *her* for trying to get people to file false rape claims. Even the mere accusation of rape is enough to ruin a man's life, it should never be done lightly.

If the only reason she thinks you were raped is because you have ASD, then she's grossly ignorant and a danger to other ASD students who may come to her for advice. I'd send an email to her supervisor.

Your counselor doesn't understand the situation, and probably does not understand HFA. She is a student counselor not a psychiatrist/psychcologist (I am so proud I can spell those words now!) NT People in general are not very informed and so play into the stereotypes.

It certainly sounds like normal consensual sex and if you don't press charges I think that is the end of it.

Next time you need to talk about things perhaps try a different type of counselor or therapist.

I pretty much agree with all of the above. The way society both demonises rape accusations (regardless of how true or not it is) practically means that you both would be entering a whole new world of trouble. The man's life would be destroyed, as nobody would want to be associated with anyone who has the "rapist" stigma attached to them, regardless of how true it is or not. In this case, this incident sounds consensual.

Remember if you were to do this and it was found to be false by a court of law, you are liable for civil proceedings and legal consequences on yourself. Rape is a very serious subject that is not taken lightly by the courts. People would also start questioning your honesty and integrity, which also leads to people avoiding/distrusting you like these people would do to the guy.

Or even worse, people start questioning your mental capacity to make such decisions due to ignorance on your autism or misunderstanding consent in general. This is what your councillor is implying already, so it's best to discard her opinion, report her and find somebody else who's more understanding.

Celibacy on the disabled is a very tricky subject as they are more vulnerable to abuse. To combat this, this will require better understanding and sex education of those on the spectrum in order to combat alongside an effective support network. Autisitics aren't incapable of consent or sex, they just need to learn about it all in a different way in some cases. Foricng celebacy on those people is authoritarian and ableist, and deprives them of the rights and hormonal desires they have and are entitled to.

That's horrible - the counselor clearly doesn't consider you to be a whole person, and you're demonstrating that you are much bigger than that.

Sorry if this came across wrong. I'm not thinking of doing it. He didn't rape me at all. If being a dirty pig who won't wash up the pots or cook or clean for himself was a crime he'd be guilty but he isn't a sex offender.

I'm just scared that I'm not the only one who has been encouraged to do this and there could be innocent people in real trouble because someone thinks, while we are capable of getting into college, we're not capable of consenting to a relationship.

It is an ugly situation, yes. I get what you are saying; this could potentially make trouble for someone else.

This counselor needs to be made to understand a thing or two about what autism is and is not, and she needs to understand that it's not ok to just sling rape allegations around so easily. What is she going to do, force you to go to the police?

I am wary about going over her head initially, though. I think it would be better to confront her in person and mention what some people on this thread have been saying. Also she should consider that a rather large number of autistic WP members are in relationships with NTs. Calling it rape is just bloody offensive to all involved.

There is a real possibility that this counselor could learn from this experience. Is she that kind of person?

Is it possible to report her? If she is trying to talk you into accusing your ex of rape, then you are not wrong to wonder if she has done this to her other patients and how many of them have actually followed through with it because they lacked judgment and because they trusted her and thought they were taken advantage of just because she told them they were? I wonder how many men out there have been accused of rape and if she has ever tried to get her male patients to accuse their female ex's of rape and play their disability card?