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Messages women get in dating sites

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Alliekit
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10 Jun 2016, 4:59 am

I've had many of those messages and they account for at least 2 3rds of the messages I got.

I thought this little article on what not to send in a first message would help some of you guys on dating sites (also has what to message)

http://www.bustle.com/articles/68192-th ... and-pasted



Stargazer43
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10 Jun 2016, 5:19 am

I cringed. Sometimes I wonder where some of these people come from.



Chichikov
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10 Jun 2016, 6:17 am

Ironically almost all of those messages fall into the "copy and paste" category too as you can tell they just fire them off to everyone.



Fnord
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10 Jun 2016, 6:26 am

Stargazer43 wrote:
I cringed. Sometimes I wonder where some of these people come from.
I dunno ... maybe the "Love and Dating" section of a well-known website ...?

:wink:


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The_Face_of_Boo
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10 Jun 2016, 7:14 am

^ WP is far from a well-known website.



kraftiekortie
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10 Jun 2016, 8:04 am

As compared to some other websites, it's at least fairly well-known.

If one Googles "Asperger Websites," WrongPlanet is usually first on the list.



TheSpectrum
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10 Jun 2016, 9:49 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ WP is far from a well-known website.

It's well known to trolls unfortunately.

PS. Welcome back :D

(unrelated, honest).

Those messages were both funny and awkward to read.


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ZD
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10 Jun 2016, 10:14 am

I have had the sex type ones from women.... usually wanting a pet or something 8O


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marshall
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10 Jun 2016, 6:24 pm

I was expecting "hey babe, nice ____" or "show me your ____" type messages. Hardly any of those were actually disrespectful. The vast majority were just cringey and awkward.



Alliekit
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10 Jun 2016, 7:01 pm

marshall wrote:
I was expecting "hey babe, nice ____" or "show me your ____" type messages. Hardly any of those were actually disrespectful. The vast majority were just cringey and awkward.


There are plenty of those like that aswell



marshall
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10 Jun 2016, 7:23 pm

Alliekit wrote:
marshall wrote:
I was expecting "hey babe, nice ____" or "show me your ____" type messages. Hardly any of those were actually disrespectful. The vast majority were just cringey and awkward.


There are plenty of those like that aswell

I understand not wanting messages like that. I don't understand getting annoyed with people simply for being awkward or writing too much about themselves in their first message. I know I wouldn't reject anyone outright for that. What determines my interest is reading their profile to see if we have anything in common, not their first message. It seems the number one thing that is awkward about communicating on dating sites is having to send a first message. It's awkward because it isn't anything like how people introduce a conversation in real life.

It's also understandable to send generic messages or even copy/pasted messages when your response rate is 1 in 50. If you wait until you've thoroughly read someone's entire profile and looked at how they answered questions, determine you've found the perfect match, send a personalized message, THEN get no response, it's just too frustrating. It is putting way too much effort into something for a very small chance of it actually bearing fruit. It simply is not worth it. I'd also say a 50% response rate is pretty damn good. If you get a 50% response rate you have it pretty easy.



Alliekit
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10 Jun 2016, 7:36 pm

marshall wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
marshall wrote:
I was expecting "hey babe, nice ____" or "show me your ____" type messages. Hardly any of those were actually disrespectful. The vast majority were just cringey and awkward.


There are plenty of those like that aswell

I understand not wanting messages like that. I don't understand getting annoyed with people simply for being awkward or writing too much about themselves in their first message. I know I wouldn't reject anyone outright for that. What determines my interest is reading their profile to see if we have anything in common, not their first message. It seems the number one thing that is awkward about communicating on dating sites is having to send a first message. It's awkward because it isn't anything like how people introduce a conversation in real life.

It's also understandable to send generic messages or even copy/pasted messages when your response rate is 1 in 50. If you wait until you've thoroughly read someone's entire profile and looked at how they answered questions, determine you've found the perfect match, send a personalized message, THEN get no response, it's just too frustrating. It is putting way too much effort into something for a very small chance of it actually bearing fruit. It simply is not worth it. I'd also say a 50% response rate is pretty damn good. If you get a 50% response rate you have it pretty easy.


I meant there is plenty of sexual ones. I think that anyone has a right to be irritated woth sexual messages

Just because messages are akward doesn't mean women don't respond. I had many akward messages I responded to including my current boyfriends message which was somewhere along the linee of 'i dont know what to say'.

And I think personalised messages show to women that they are not just a statistic and that you are messaging them because your truly interested. What woman wants to be chosen because she was the only one who responded



marshall
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10 Jun 2016, 10:06 pm

Alliekit wrote:
marshall wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
marshall wrote:
I was expecting "hey babe, nice ____" or "show me your ____" type messages. Hardly any of those were actually disrespectful. The vast majority were just cringey and awkward.


There are plenty of those like that aswell

I understand not wanting messages like that. I don't understand getting annoyed with people simply for being awkward or writing too much about themselves in their first message. I know I wouldn't reject anyone outright for that. What determines my interest is reading their profile to see if we have anything in common, not their first message. It seems the number one thing that is awkward about communicating on dating sites is having to send a first message. It's awkward because it isn't anything like how people introduce a conversation in real life.

It's also understandable to send generic messages or even copy/pasted messages when your response rate is 1 in 50. If you wait until you've thoroughly read someone's entire profile and looked at how they answered questions, determine you've found the perfect match, send a personalized message, THEN get no response, it's just too frustrating. It is putting way too much effort into something for a very small chance of it actually bearing fruit. It simply is not worth it. I'd also say a 50% response rate is pretty damn good. If you get a 50% response rate you have it pretty easy.


I meant there is plenty of sexual ones. I think that anyone has a right to be irritated woth sexual messages

Just because messages are akward doesn't mean women don't respond. I had many akward messages I responded to including my current boyfriends message which was somewhere along the linee of 'i dont know what to say'.

And I think personalised messages show to women that they are not just a statistic and that you are messaging them because your truly interested. What woman wants to be chosen because she was the only one who responded

But most of the time dating sites just don't work well for guys. If you put a lot of effort into writing personalized messages to 50 different people and get no response each time, you won't really feel like continuing. That is a lot of effort for nothing. Its miserable. It's better to personalize the conversation after you get a response. I probably shouldn't expect you to understand what it's like for guys on dating sites.



The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Jun 2016, 1:06 am

Quote:

But most of the time dating sites just don't work well for guys. If you put a lot of effort into writing personalized messages to 50 different people and get no response each time, you won't really feel like continuing. That is a lot of effort for nothing. Its miserable. It's better to personalize the conversation after you get a response. I probably shouldn't expect you to understand what it's like for guys on dating sites.



In real life, things start with a hello/hi and then conversation flows; and every conversation is personalized - it can't be otherwise.
This what actually worked for me best on dating sites, it doesn't matter whether I start with a Hi(or more often: Hello X, I am Y.)or with a [personalized message based on something she wrote in her profile] - all what matters if whether she finds me attractive or not, if she does she answers to my Hi/Hello - then the conversation flows- I have actually dated with these ones.

In my experience, girls who demand from guys special specialized messages because Oh I am a special woman I wanna feel special, aren't usually my type and they are usually too self-centered and too cocooned into mainstream Dating sites culture, at least for me.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 11 Jun 2016, 1:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

rdos
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11 Jun 2016, 1:09 am

marshall wrote:
But most of the time dating sites just don't work well for guys. If you put a lot of effort into writing personalized messages to 50 different people and get no response each time, you won't really feel like continuing. That is a lot of effort for nothing. Its miserable. It's better to personalize the conversation after you get a response. I probably shouldn't expect you to understand what it's like for guys on dating sites.


Agree. I can put a huge amount of effort into a girl, but that is only if I know she is interested and she seems to be nice and compatible. I definitely wouldn't do that on an online dating-site when I have not even been able to observe the girl for real. It's not just a lousy answer frequency, but also that the profiles might not even be real, and those behind them could just have borrowed a photo and written down something sounds good.



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11 Jun 2016, 2:48 am

When I am interested to message someone I always go like hello how are you?

Respond rate is like 1 in a million. I have no idea why women easily responded to sexual ones. I am not a pick up person. If you say I am boring person to start a conversation then there something wrong with you all.