What is 'realistic' to expect in love and life?

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I was in love with this girl for 4 years, she is a friend of mine, but a couple days ago she just married another man. And she never really let me into her life either, as much as I was hoping she would. Don't get me wrong, I used to talk to her a lot and I do know her in real life, it's not like I'm just crushing on someone. I seriously did dream of marrying her someday and I still love her and it still hurts so bad.

I guess it was never meant to be because she is a fairly well known musician in a foreign country, and probably makes a fair deal of money and stuff, and I'm just a student and a really obscure musician. I mean, I was hoping that my music would get big and she would see me as an equal but it never happened.

Music was my dream too. I wanted to be with her, and be a musician, maybe even write music with her. I love her music too, but now I can't even listen to it because it just makes me sad. And really, my music sucks. I've been making music for 7 going on 8 years and nothing has happened, even though I've posted it on the Internet almost all that time. I am pretty sure I'm done with music now. I just don't feel it anymore, and have accepted that I'm simply not that good at it.

Now I just feel lost. I grew to love so many things that reminded me of her, or that I liked before I met her that I grew to like even more because she liked them too. Like say, the 80s, electro pop music, Canada (the country she is from), even music in general, now that she's married to another guy I have little love for any of those things anymore.

What do I do now that my dreams are crushed? I mean, my life isn't that bad, I have an awesome family, awesome friends, I am going to university starting this fall. But none of that stuff really makes me happy. I mean I love my family and friends and I am grateful that I am not going hungry, I'm sure I'd be a lot more unhappy without all that, but I have little of my own.

And also I hate the world that I live in in many ways, it is beautiful but so cruel and so selfish and it always has been. I still have one dream that hasn't been totally crushed, the dream of making the world a better place by working with other people to get a new system going, but I'm starting to lose hope in that too because people just can't cooperate to cause change, they are too into their egos.

What is 'realistic' for me to expect? Just to maybe get a good job after college, and stay single the rest of my life, or marry someone that I *kinda* like, but don't really love, just to have kids or not be lonely or whatever? Should I expect the world the day I die to be as depressing and corrupt as the world is today in 2012? Should I expect all my art and music to be forgotten?

What is 'realistic' for you to expect?

That you will age, pay taxes, and die.

Everything else is out of your hands. Those are the only three things you can guarantee will occur.


Depressing maybe, but the point of life is the struggle against futility. Entropy sets in if you chose to do nothing, but if you chose to do something, you can stave off entropy for a while longer.

What's not realistic: If someone doesn't feel the same way about you, it's probably not realistic to think you can do something to change her mind... IMO, it's probably best not to lock in on one girl unless the feelings are mutual.

What is realistic: It's very realistic to think that you will meet many others, over the course of your life, who you will truly love (don't buy that "one true love" hollywood crap,) and who do feel the same way about you.

She will not appreciate you because she loves your art and music - She will appreciate your art and music because she loves you.

Realistic to expect is you getting married to some random girl out of "aww f**k it, she's there and I'm getting old" and the girl having the same exact thought process. Or you won't get married and you'll get some girl randomly pregnant and you'll live together or be in a shotgun marriage. That seems to be the way things work. If you want realism. That seems to be the way things go in 99% of relationships across USA. It seems to me, realistically "true love" and all that fun stuff...uhm... doesn't work. For "true love" being what separates us from the animals, in the end, we all just end up randomly having promiscuous sex or just "settling" with some random girl and popping out some kids to further the human race. Probably 1% of relationships are based upon "true love." There's realism.

I guess all you learn for next time is make your intentions clear.

Maybe you can't expect anything, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't hope.

You may well find love again, something more substantial and real, and then you will understand why the girl you wrote about here was never meant to be.

I met my husband after I had decided I was happy living my life for me, and didn't need to find someone. It seems that was a hurdle I needed to cross in order to be a good partner.

Who knows what your life has in store for you.

Just live it, be open to the adventures, and never allow the inevitable disappointments to crush you.

You're only entitled to what the US constitution or the UN declaration of human rights says that you're entitled to. Having said that, if you have a lot to offer, rejection hurts and I understand your pain.

To be honest, every guy without a certain amount of social understanding or insight makes the mistake of becoming overly attached or obsessed with one girl, do whatever makes you happy instead of living by expectations, you'll soon realize this girl was similar to the millions of other girls out there.

Don't expect people to do the expected and don't become attached to the girl unless you have an intimate committed relationship and you both have a mutual understanding of your relationship.

Expect there to be challenges. Do not expect to conquer them all.
Expect to be both loved and hated. Do not expect certain individuals to feel love or hate for you.
Expect good times. Do not expect all times to be good.

Expect very little and you will be largely satisfied

"It is in the realm of love that human beings often feel the most deprived. So many men and women complain that they have no love in their lives! But why is this? In reality, they are immersed in love, since it exists everywhere in the universe. It is a cosmic energy of incredible abundance and diversity, and it is up to us to tap into this abundance. There are certain plants that do not need their roots to be buried soil in order to live; because of their unique organization which is superior to other plants, they are able to draw water and nutrients from the atmosphere. Well, like these plants, human beings have spiritual centres which enable them to draw love from both the atmosphere and the sun. But they are not aware of this, which is a shame, because they fail to develop these centres and as a result remain impoverished and unhappy. They must study the ideas of the initiates and great masters who have worked to awaken in themselves these higher centres, these chakras, and who have succeeded in drawing on the energy of love which is dispersed throughout nature. In doing so, they too will be happy and will live in plenitude."
Omraam Mikhael Aivanhov

Set your goals high, but don't actually expect anything.