How do I change who I'm attracted to?

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SportsGamer35728
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06 Oct 2015, 8:24 am

Much has been written on this forum recently about how most Aspies would not fare well with thin preppy cheerleader types. Unfortunately, this has been the main type of girl (magician's assistants and female athletes also fit the bill as well) I have been attracted to for most of my life, with very little success. Would anyone on WP be willing to give some constructive advice as to how to change my standards to a more realistic level? I am also attracted to punk/goth/emo girls as well if that makes any difference.



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06 Oct 2015, 8:47 am

Some people are objectively good looking and some aren't with most in between, I don't think there is necessarily a way to flip the script but I've noticed quite a few on the spectrum seem to have some very specific set of traits that they're attracted to which might be hard to meet but perhaps I'm less "picky" I don't know. Standards are for people that need standards, if that is the game we're playing then I'll probably not meet there's. For everything I ask of someone else, surely they can ask the same of me.

As for not doing well with the 'thin-preppy cheerleader' type, yeah I guess but I don't do well with anyone. I'm not sure there is a "type" for me. I guess I'm clueless to begin with tho. Whatever. What would probably be most attractive is someone that shows interest in me whoever that may be, I'm not attracted to people who are mean or reject me.



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06 Oct 2015, 8:54 am

Meeting more girls in general, join mixed activities of something you (could) like that has girls participating, talk to girls you're not too attracted to (practice), practice being a gentleman everytime you have the opportunity. (eg your mother, your sister, the girl next door, the old lady on the other side)



SportsGamer35728
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06 Oct 2015, 9:13 am

traven wrote:
talk to girls you're not too attracted to (practice), practice being a gentleman everytime you have the opportunity. (eg your mother, your sister, the girl next door, the old lady on the other side)


Done and done. They all say how some girl is going to be so lucky to have me but I have an increasingly difficult time believing it, particularly considering I'm not getting any younger :P



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06 Oct 2015, 9:24 am

SportsGamer35728 wrote:
They all say how some girl is going to be so lucky to have me but I have an increasingly difficult time believing it

I can understand this.
"Ohh some girl is going to be so lucky to have you..." - "Thanks :D , but if you're not gonna follow up by wanting me right now then f**k you. :shameonyou: "
Such useless encouragement.

I dunno if you can change who you are attracted to. But IMO all people have some grace to them. Even the ones that I don't like.



kraftiekortie
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06 Oct 2015, 10:00 am

You just might stand a better chance with Goth/Emo girls.



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06 Oct 2015, 10:02 am

Perhaps talk to more punk/emo/goth girls....however keep in mind they likely don't get along too well with preppy types and likely will have different demeanor than them. Also however they may be more accepting of people a bit different or off seeming, since being into a sub-culture usually implies you don't particularly fit in with the norm so they may relate to some of the feeling like they don't fit in.

Maybe its not so much changing who you are attracted to but venturing out beyond a specific type...I mean what is it you like about preppy cheer-leader type girls? What do you find appealing about punk/emo/goth types?


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SportsGamer35728
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06 Oct 2015, 10:12 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
what is it you like about preppy cheer-leader type girls? What do you find appealing about punk/emo/goth types?


For the first one, I see their outgoing nature as a counterbalance to my ambiverted personality. As for the second, I often feel sympathy for the often difficult life they've had and hope to give them a new lease on life. It also doesn't hurt that my musical tastes fall more in line with the latter than the former.



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06 Oct 2015, 10:38 am

SportsGamer35728 wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
what is it you like about preppy cheer-leader type girls? What do you find appealing about punk/emo/goth types?


For the first one, I see their outgoing nature as a counterbalance to my ambiverted personality. As for the second, I often feel sympathy for the often difficult life they've had and hope to give them a new lease on life. It also doesn't hurt that my musical tastes fall more in line with the latter than the former.


Hmm from what i have observed this outgoing nature isn't all it's cut out to be...I mean I won't say all but a lot of preppy girls are all about social appearances and fitting in. Typically they aren't going to give guys any notice that aren't on the sports teams or pretty popular themselves and may act really standoffish whenever someone(guy or girl) who's not 'cool/popular' approaches or tries to interact with them....like they are outgoing if you're also popular, otherwise not really unless its to say something not very nice to make them go away. Of course this is based on what I've seen so I can't say its always the case but seems more often than not and I've seen it happen.

If you have more similar music tastes to the second type that would really help, since they likely enjoy it quite a bit so you'd certainly be hearing it which could be problematic if you don't like it. But yeah, they also won't care as much about social norms typically.


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SportsGamer35728
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08 Oct 2015, 2:35 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
SportsGamer35728 wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
what is it you like about preppy cheer-leader type girls? What do you find appealing about punk/emo/goth types?


For the first one, I see their outgoing nature as a counterbalance to my ambiverted personality. As for the second, I often feel sympathy for the often difficult life they've had and hope to give them a new lease on life. It also doesn't hurt that my musical tastes fall more in line with the latter than the former.




If you have more similar music tastes to the second type that would really help, since they likely enjoy it quite a bit so you'd certainly be hearing it which could be problematic if you don't like it. But yeah, they also won't care as much about social norms typically.


Fair enough, but then answer me this: how many goth/punk/emo girls do you know that are also into peppy hip-hop/rap and country music and sports? I'll wait...



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08 Oct 2015, 3:06 pm

SportsGamer35728 wrote:
As for the second, I often feel sympathy for the often difficult life they've had and hope to give them a new lease on life.


No female is going to date you with a condescending attitude like that. A girl isn't going to want to date you so you can feel "sympathy" for her-- if she's mature enough to date she'll want an equal partner.

It sounds like you want cheerleader types more for the social status than any kind of aesthetic attraction, hence the reason you're putting them in stereotypical groups and not talking about an individual female you're attracted to. You're young, this is normal, but realize that the social status attached to that group of females comes with it's own set of drawbacks: are you willing to spend hours each day looking your best, playing social games to impress her, and dealing with the drama she's bound to test you with? Also realize that she's most likely going to be looking for someone of equal social status, if not slightly higher, so you'll need to find ways to increase your social status to be on par with her.

As for the second set you're attracted to, if you're truly attracted to that type and not just as some "charity" case, then you'll need to fit into the social norms of that clique as well-- which generally means some appearance change, and musical taste alterations.



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08 Oct 2015, 3:10 pm

Stop to masturbate over porn.



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08 Oct 2015, 4:43 pm

SportsGamer35728 wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
SportsGamer35728 wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
what is it you like about preppy cheer-leader type girls? What do you find appealing about punk/emo/goth types?


For the first one, I see their outgoing nature as a counterbalance to my ambiverted personality. As for the second, I often feel sympathy for the often difficult life they've had and hope to give them a new lease on life. It also doesn't hurt that my musical tastes fall more in line with the latter than the former.




If you have more similar music tastes to the second type that would really help, since they likely enjoy it quite a bit so you'd certainly be hearing it which could be problematic if you don't like it. But yeah, they also won't care as much about social norms typically.


Fair enough, but then answer me this: how many goth/punk/emo girls do you know that are also into peppy hip-hop/rap and country music and sports? I'll wait...


Well I thought you said your music tastes were more in line with the punk/goth/emo girls, of course the aren't going to be into peppy hip hop and country music they'll be into punk, goth, emo and other forms of rock most likely. As for sports I think that can vary some might like sports some might not.


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08 Oct 2015, 4:49 pm

Most people can at least appreciate sports as long as you frame said sports discussions in their terms.

I for one get along best with the counterculture-y girls because I inhabit a fair number of countercultures myself. Case in point, LOTS of girls enjoy videogames, futhermore it is in no way difficult to be nicer than %98 of the other dudes who play them.


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10 Oct 2015, 9:09 pm

I don't know if it's possible to change who you are attracted to. Attraction is something that goes beyond conscious control. I am attracted to needy borderline-type girls who are the opposite of AS, women who it is impossible for me to have a good relationship with for a variety of reasons. The attraction doesn't go away but my willingness to act on it decreases over time. That is what I focus on (not acting on the attraction).



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10 Oct 2015, 10:46 pm

It can't be done. I've tried forcing myself to be with obese girls (since that's all I can get), but it wasn't satisfying in the least.