Excessive clingieness and a fear of rejection.

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Hello everyone, this is kinda embarrassing for to to talk about, but I feel than I need to do this, if only to let it out of my system. There are two major problems I have (besides my social anxiety) that have kept me alone. Those are 1). A fear that if (and this is a big if) I did ever find someone I would be too clingy. That I would be afraid to have them leave my sight for even a short while. And 2). A fear of being rejected, especially a fear of being rejected for someone else. A fear of not being "good enough".

I have always though I would be doomed to spend my life alone, because every time, EVERY SINGLE TIME, I even get close to a girl (emotionally speaking) she moves away! It's happened four different times!

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Ya, I'm weird like that...

Hey

All I can really suggest is you date, and work through those feelings rather than try and avoid/internalise them.
Eventually they disappear or you learn how to be more in control of them. I was very much this way and it took me a lot of dating to get better. There's no instant fix and it's not a crime to be human

I'm the same exact way and always have been. I think that in time you'll learn to lessen that behavior, and there are women who will appreciate your clinginess provided it doesn't bleed into possessiveness.

You can't let fear rob you of enriching experiences. It's terrifying. I'm sort of, in my own way having to face this monster in my own life. After being with the same person for 12 years, the idea of maybe having to date is scaring the s**t out of me. Seriously. For very similar reasons. As I've gotten older I've learned to hide and mute those feelings somewhat, but it's a real challenge. Actually, fear of being left and rejection is one of the core reasons my wife is leaving me. Because she can't handle that even though I've never done anything to feed it.

It's a dangerous beast, it is. But you can't waste your life being afraid of it. You'll look back and wish you didn't because it never gets easier until you try, and often even fail. So get yourself out there and start trying and face your fear.

Thank you both for replying.

It's just a real struggle for me to overcome my fears to even take the first step. I wouldn't even know where to start!

Also, Beakybird, I would never be possessive, I just have a fear of being left and or rejected.

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Ya, I'm weird like that...

I wouldn't want somebody who needs my presence "24-7." I need time for myself.

I can relate to this, I have been very successful with dating but do not often find a person I am really 'in to'. It has led to being more full on or keen than I wanted to and scaring them off.
It is natural though, you finally find someone you connect with of course you crave that, it is literally a drug. Your whole system feels different and you want to drink it in. Unfortunately you may not realise that even well meant this is not how most relate to each other. You also likely don't know you are turning them off....
I have started to try and make a get to know you game out of it, not to trivialise the connection but to try and build some mystery, suspense and sense of discovery between us. it has started to allow me to slow my roll a little and become a fun and sincere way to get to know someone. I have always been upfront and said how about discovering things about each other like this... A sort of back and forth but spaced out by just genuine conversation about less personal things that make us up.
I cannot say I have it right and may just work for me but it could help you also I suspect.

I hate to say it but these are not traits that are considered healthy in most relationships, I would suggest working on them before trying to date as you don't want to end up being someone that is codependant.