Can you help who you fall for?

Post Reply New Topic

What do you think? Can you control who you fall for or does it just happen?

I don't think we can choose our feelings, only how we express them. Otherwise, we'd all choose to fall for someone convenient and no one would ever break up or get divorced.

Of course we control it, that's why people usually fall for someone similar to them rather than someone unreachable like a movie star or a fictional character.

Except that this often does happen...

No, you cannot control initial attraction, but you can somewhat control whether feelings develop further, and after that, you will have full control over you acting on such feelings

In other words, you can't control who you find attractive, but you can control who you fall in love with, correct?

You can control your actions, but not your feelings.

Certainly. If you are a shut in who never sees anyone--you won't fall for anyone.

One, frequently, cannot help who they lust for.

But they could certainly control who they "fall for" (if "falling for" someone means "falling in love" with someone).

Huh? I haven't made it to professional hermit status yet. I went out just yesterday for 4 hrs.

AND let me tell you exactly what happened and why I'm back INSIDE in my jammies today. My neighbor Mary told me about the neighbor guy who lives in front of her that kept asking questions about me (60+ years old) and she thought he wasn't a perv - he's a perv. I came home yesterday with some groceries and he stayed outside once he saw me, took a seat outside with a smoke and proceeded to watch my every move like he was in the front seat of a burlesque show. I wanted to say "let me give you a naked picture of me - it'll last longer."

Now tell me, why should I not become a hermit again? Who wants to be ogled like a slab of meat. If he wanted to be a real gentleman, he would have asked if he could help me bring up my groceries. Men just don't have any damn class at all these days.

I think I can avoid falling in love with somebody, but I cannot decide to fall in love with somebody I think is good and nice. So, basically, my brain creates the crush on it's own, but I can decide whether to pursue it or not.

Why should you become a hermit again because of one pervert?

Most people are too busy to be like that. The guy has too much time on his hands.

Why can't I have just one decent guy be a perv for once? Why is it always the idiots who have the nerve to approach and say something?

They don't approach you at the hospital?

When you find someone who stimulates you in every possible way, probably not. I met that woman a couple of years ago, but she had a wall up where relationships were concerned -- she made that clear from the very beginning. I fought it, but the feelings only got stronger.

The friendship endured, though. Tragically, she committed suicide in early June of last year. she had just sunk into a deep depression. I wish I could have done more to help her!

Who? Patients? Doctors? Too sick and too married. I'm usually too busy to notice anyway. And again someone I'm not interested in is making me feel uncomfortable at work. This nurse practitioner now is starting to put his hands on me whenever we are around each other and even in patient's rooms. I can't say anything because I work around him all the time and I mean ALL THE TIME. I don't like that.

I would love to say to the right woman, "Can I be the decent perv in your life?" The right person would probably get that kind of humor. In all seriousness, though, that neighbor sounds like a nightmare. Sorry you went through that. I've been hit on by enough men twice my age (when I was in college) to know how creepy and entitled they can be.