How do I get girls to reply to me?

Post Reply New Topic

I can't get a girl to reply to me on any dating site I tried so far. I don't want to give this up yet though. I just don't want to have to spend years in between relationships. I really don't want to wait, but my living situation right now is pretty miserable. Why would anyone want to go out with me, a loser whose 25, no job/no car and living with parent? I feel like I was never given the tools to grow up. I just think my parents expected me to be a kid forever, yet they sometimes complain why I'm not "working" as it were.

So, besides my dating issue, things in my adult life have not been going the way I wanted so far. Is there still any hope left?

Too bad that I have no experience with online dating so it's inappropriate for me to answer your question.
[/ I came from the Committee Against No-Reply]

There is always hope. Between no longer living and attempting to be happy, which is better? The attempt to be happy.

I think many more people go through this at your age than you think, whether they are on the spectrum or not. When I was 23 I went through a bad breakup, and felt like my life was over. I felt very old, not because I was, but because I was in the throes of self-pity, trying to figure out my feelings, romantic needs, social skills, and how to survive (dead end) work after a meaningful college experience. It was easy to feel that there was no hope, but that was ten years ago. I am still here, and more hopeful, and much happier.

Unfortunately, many people will probably not respond to you via online dating. It may feel cold or rude or just confusing, but it is the norm. Everyone goes through it, and no one has an obligation to reply to you. That can be hard to accept. What you have to ask yourself is if that is worth going through for you, or if you'd rather try finding a partner another way. Or you can do several things, which may be better for you--no need to only rely on online dating.

A lot of people also go years between relationships. It is hard, but hard doesn't have to be bad. Though it may not be your preferred goal, use this time to explore new things and become happier with yourself. You'll enjoy those single years for what they are, and increase your chances of meeting someone right for you. I think you will be more successful if you focus on the issues in your life you can control. Relationships are extra to that, and we can't force relationships. A good one is more likely to form when you are already enjoying your life and your life has balance.

Also, if you consider yourself a loser, then at best you open yourself up to an exploitative relationship. Is that what you want? That will give you a vulnerability in which you refuse to protect yourself, and such a relationship can only end badly. In a healthy relationship you will be vulnerable while being able to protect yourself. This is ideal.

Look at the world and you'll see most of us are not given the tools for adulthood. "Adult" is mostly a concept, not a given. What are most adults but children with power? That itself is probably wrong to say, since it implies inferiority in children. All I'm saying is, most people are immature. Maturity is learned, not attained through age alone. My parents had no patience for children and I could tell by the time I was five that they didn't really know what they were doing. But, holding onto that will only make me like them and mess up my life. They did what they did, and that's it. Learn what you have to about being an adult, and you will probably also attract good people. I wish you the best.

You're probably not going to want to hear this, but I don't think you should be terribly concerned with dating sites until you're in a more stable/desirable position. The way I see it, until you have more to offer, you're not going to have much success with dating. Especially dating sites.

I'd be willing to bet that still living with a parent/s is going to be a major turn-off for most girls your age, and certainly for most girls who have moved out of home. Not having a job on top of that is going to indicate a lack of ambition, and also that your living arrangement probably won't be changing. Not having a car probably doesn't help either, but I don't think that particular shortcoming will be as detrimental as the other two.

The simple fact is you're competing with guys who have some or all of the things you mentioned above, and those things are pretty desirable (albeit superficial) traits. So to even get your foot in the door at this stage, you would have to have something at the same magnitude of desirability, that is scarcely found in guys who have houses, jobs and cars to put you on even footing. Unless you're looking to date girls who are unable to date guys with houses, jobs and cars.

In my opinion, your best bet is securing at least a job before you take dating too seriously. If you don't have an inflow of cash, it's not like you're going to be able to go on many dates anyway. Besides that, it's a step in the right direction to getting your own place, which is going to not only make you a more eligible bachelor, but you're going to need to live somewhere other than your parents' house if you ever plan to get married, or be in a relationship of a similar calibre.

Though younger, I'm in a similar position to you at the moment. I'm not terribly concerned with dating sites right now, because I know that at this stage, anyone I'm interested in can probably find a better partner than me. So I instead look to the future, realising that my situation isn't optimal right now, but knowing that I can change it. Once I better myself, and have more to bring to a relationship, I have no doubt that arousing the interest of, and getting into and sustaining a relationship with someone will become insurmountably more feasible.

Unfortunately have to agree with Mr. Inquisitor.

Focus on something else for now. Dating should be something nice to think about, and if the whole thing is causing you misery then you're not at the right place in time for it.

There is hope, but only if you get a job, a place of your own, and maybe a car. These three things are signs that you are a responsible adult who can cope with real-world issues and dedicate yourself to a non-dependent lifestyle.

Until YOU make those changes, you are not likely to attract much interest.

Well, first I need a plan to get these things sorted out. I have no practical work experience, except for a few one-time volunteer jobs, but those were not a regular commitment. What do I do? I also find it challenging to cook on a stove, or remembering the steps involved, because of neurological physical challenges.