Online dating advice for guys

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So, I'll start out by saying that I'm an NT male that is engaged to an Aspie female. We've been together for 5.5 years and it's been incredibly hard until we realized that she has ASD. I'm using these forums to help me understand things more and I really want to give back and this is probably where I can help!

Firstly, there are heaps of guys on here that think they're doing it wrong because they get a lack of replies to their online profile. When I met my GF, I was the most popular male profile in Australia on our biggest dating site at the time (RSVP - before tinder existed). My partner is has a PhD. in marine neuroscience and has since won a state title in fitness modelling. I am telling you this because I think I had my profile setup well and I still got rejected WAY more often that I got a reply. So, rest assured that unless you're incredibly famous, you will get rejected way more often than you think... It's not you, it's just people!

Secondly, your profile should never be polarizing. I've seen advice to use pets and keep your shirt on or show your abs. That can work but the profile is an advert. A movie preview should have enough to make you want to see the movie but not enough to decide if it's a good movie. Your profile is the same!

Here are some basic tips:
- Don't be super generic. Words such as "down to earth", "fun loving", "nice guy", are all too generic. I'd much prefer a profile that says "I'm a fairly driven person but I take time to enjoy a night out with friends".

- Describe what a week would be like if someone were to spend time with you. "Outside of the 9-5, I take the dog for a walk a few nights a week, generally get though a few episodes on Netflix and catch up with a friend or two for takeout or a coffee. On the weekends I love my downtime, that could be catching a movie or checking out the latest expo in town". Again, try to avoid polarizing statements like "I never miss an episode of GOT!". Whilst you don't have to hide who you are, this is info that should be discovered during dating! Let them ask, "so do you have any favourite shows on Netfix?".

- Next I believe that all profiles need something to make the girl feel like your a bit picky but that she is good enough to meet your standards. I'd make it something very lighthearted but something that most people find annoying. My profile said "Oh, and I don't do well with people who 'typ lik dis'". The amount of opening lines from women who mention that in their message was crazy. It was like they immediately needed to justify that they met my standard. Silly, but true.

- Don't ask someone out on a date that is outside of your comfort zone. I went though so many dates at a coffee shop and I hate coffee! In the end, my best dates were doing the things that I enjoyed. People want you to open up a new world to them. My dates were simple... going to the fruit and veg markets on a weekend, taking my dog for a walk, checking out a new expo in town, etc. Most women will initially resist something like that but it's not a real objection. You'll hear something like, "oh, maybe we should start with a coffee", I would always reply with "I'm not really a fan of sitting in a coffee shop doing dates like groundhog day, I think you'd really like the markets and if it doesn't go well, at least you've done some of your grocery shopping!".

- Finally, nice guys don't finish last, boring guys finish last. If you treat a women like she's too good for you then she will assume that she is. Be nice to women but not at your own expense. I have never struggled for money but I don't give someone free ride. If we ever went for a drink then we'd order both drinks and when the bar tender asked for money, I'd always say, "I'll get this one, if we hang around for another drink then you get the next round". It was never about money, it's about both people being invested in the date equally.

That's my basic tips. Sorry for the super long post!

Hopefully the people who are struggling will put you advise to work for them. Being unique and an out of the box thinker has always been more of a boon than a bust for me.

Yeah, I know it sounds like crap but RSVP had a "top 100" list of males and females within age brackets. Mine was something like age 22 - 35. The ranking was given based on emails and flirts that they received.

I had been on a whole heap of different websites and eventually decided that there was probably a template that a successful profile should follow. I went through so many drafts and eventually analysed what worked and what didn't. I deleted my old profile and started fresh and it went really well. It's most definitely not based entirely on looks!

If it makes you feel better then I can start by telling you about all of dates where the person just didn't show up or the times that someone would email their phone number and then never answer the phone or texts. Dating is about finding the right person for you and every rejection just gets you closer to the right person.

Edit: Just noticed that you're from Beirut. I'm 1/2 Lebanese so you're already on the right path

You’ll never understand people like me situation. I’m below bottom of barrel guy. I’m not even seen as a human by most women. I have nothing they want. I have no use to women.

“Boring guys finish last” is correct.

Most profiles get loooked over because the person appears boring. Low quality expressionless photos, nothing unique about what they say. Sening messages saying “hi”. Next, next, next.

Apparently every guy likes outdoor activities, fishing, working out, travel, and going to the pub. They think women want to hear that, but they don’t. People like other people with charisma and personality. Relationships based only on the superficial never last.

The fact of the matter is 99% of dating profiles portray that the user is just an average, boring fart whose company would be painful.

Outdoor activity, fishing and working out is boring in New Zealand? They’re not considered boring here most women here talk about such things.

Maybe because most people are just boring. We can’t all be bill gates or Miley cirus.
Majority of people are boring and love average lives.

That explains your 'modesty'.

You certainly heard of this lebanese expression: "You make the elephants fly".

lol perhaps I didn't make the point tastefully. I was implying that no matter how popular someone is, they are still getting rejected much more often than not.

If I initiated contact or replied, it was always a personal message with something that linked our profiles. Could just be a question about how long ago they traveled to the place in one of their photos. Of the 20% or so that even bothered to write back, half of them would just write something dumb like "I'm good, WBU?"

I guess I've lurked on here for a bit so I know that people assume it's their looks and that it would be easier for someone else. It's a crap shoot for everyone so I'm just sharing what worked for me. I attended a wedding this year for a mate that let me write his profile. His wife is awesome and he was so down on himself before we got him on there.

They are considered boring here as everyone does them. It depends though. What one person considers boring, others may not. From talking to NZ women, the general consensus is those things generally describe the run of the mill average guy. I prefer quirky deep thinking intellectuals, it seems a lot of women do. It may be different in the US. Or maybe I don’t socialise with women who like those things.

^ Most girls I see on dating sites like such outdoor activities, I think you're just being judgemental honestly to call all these people boring. I am sure many people out there think zelda fans are boring too.

So you prefer a guy who sits in front of a computer or a book all day and night?

That's definitely not been my experience..

Just mentioning Nietzsche or Kierkegaard makes most women roll their eyes, maybe it's just philosophy as a topic but I doubt it, discussing melodic minor and phrygian scales, frequency modulation, human anatomy or psychology lends equally bad results. And I'm actually fairly good at simplifying concepts I would say, I don't have any need to act pretentious. For some reason, most men seem instantly more interested in these topics, regardless if they have any specific interest in it or not. Maybe we need to define what exactly a "deep thinking intellectual" is.

Call me cynical, but it seems to me, that when women say "deep thinking intellectual", It's a synonym for "man who makes alot of money". It's more about what the deep thinking can provide, rather than the deep thoughts in and of themselves.

You made google videos on Phrygian scales to know what they sound like.... they are very similar to things I hear in Arabic/Levantine/Turkish music (traditional music, not the pop).

Exactly. It's also very common in traditional spanish music(flamenco), I very much enjoy the sound of it.

I am no musician, but I think the concept is similar to what we call in (traditional) Arabic music as “ajnas and “maqamat” - these are like “standard templates” that can be like buidling blocs for a full arabic music; there are like a dozen of different maqamat.