I've Changed...(If You Love Reading, Here's a Good Read) Lol

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Haven't been on here in a long while. But thought I'd share what happened to me recently in my life. I've experienced love! Yup! Love...I experience how it feels to love someone but I don't think I felt how it is to be truly loved. So let me explain. It'll be kinda lengthy but I'll use some of my technical writing skills to foreshorten it.

I have a foot fetish. And I decided to make an ad regarding that fetish. And in mid Dec 2015 I met a woman from the ad on Craigslist. Also in 2015 marks the first time I've been officially high. I smoked weed with a gaming friend. For those who never smoked you're not missing anything really. But the feeling was radical.
Her name was Vi, and she's 23. I met her and her sis (with her kids) at a community movie theater. Nothing happened but that day, later on at night met her and saw her feet for the first time. I was infatuated. So that was the arrangement; I'd give her free foot rubs and we'd talk about deep things and watch anime or movies.

We ended up going to a party together for New Year's. Had fun. She accused me of flirting but I wasn't. I cannot help it that I am cool to speak with. Eventually, we ended up having sex. She assured me that she was really falling for me. She did not want to be fooled. So we agreed to be an item.
Everything was fine until about 5 days later.

Five days later she calls it off--just wants to be friends. Before she did this, she claimed that she wanted to practice celibacy. It took me for a loop but I really liked her. And I valued more of what's inside than what was out. Plus she stated that she'd still do the foreplay stuff, but that's it.

When she broke it off it was through text; I was devastated! I didn't even know why! But I was really feeling this woman. I was shocked because I thought I was doing the right things. So shocked that I couldn't come up with a defending reply. So what I did was write an email to her. I was mad that she broke up with me. But then also she started describing how she felt in a relationship. She felt like it was a relationship on a 5th grade level! Wow! I explained to her the little things I've done as a man, that went over her head.

-In the house it's only: Vi, her sister, and her sister's two kids. They stay on the 2nd floor of an apartment complex. And the place stayed junky (primarily because of her sister). When you came there, filled trash bags were behind the door. Her sister too lazy to take them out and the bags are too heavy for the kids. So Vi would ultimately have to. But me, being a genuine person and man, I would take all the trash to the dumpster before I left. Jay (Her sister) would have guys over and they'd walk right past the trash and go home. Not me.

-When we used her car for the New Year's party, I put money in her tank to fill it up.

-I was giving her a body rub a night prior to the breakup and she was still able to look at her FB messages. It was disrespectful in my eyes. If my partner were giving me a sensual erotic rub my own mom could've FB'd me and wouldn't get an answer.

So I asked her. I said, you got me all summed up in 5 days, huh? In 5 days you know the kind of guy I am? I told her that I'm not going to argue with her over email (that gives her the advantage). So she agreed to show up at my place so we could explain it face-to-face. She had no answer for what I came at her with. All she could say is that she's content with us being friends. I said okay.

When she left that night I texted her saying that I cannot be friends. I liked her too much to just be her friend. She said that she got upset by that. She was foolish to break it of. And if I give her one more chance she'll show me differently. So I did.

The first 2 months she came with it! I rarely had to question her interest in me. The 3rd month I felt a feeling I never have before...this was it! Love! Finally!! I've actually found someone I could go hard for! Give and trust my heart to! OMG! So I confessed my love for her and she felt the same way.

Fourth month was solid! Inside jokes, life stories, this and that--all good! But when the 5th month came something happened...She came to me with batting eyelashes proposing an open relationship. Of course I had the obvious questions. She assured me that it had nothing to do with us--it was all physical. I actually understood where she was coming from. If it is purely sexual then I understand. But it means we have to treat each other more special. She also said that she wanted me to back off on the cutesy stuff and affection a bit. I agree and I back off. And I tell her some things too. But what is funny, is that when I returned to myself as she requested, she criticized me for turning the affection completely off. Which I felt differently.

BOY was I dumb for this! This was a total setup. Because yeah I get to go get other women but my intentions were honest. My intentions were purely sexual, never on a dating bases. My specialties and heart belonged to one woman.
Prior to this we've also been distant. It wasn't me it was her. And I don't know how much space a person will ever need when you're in love. I proposed to her one weekend to have the weekend to herself just in case she wanted to hang with friends or family.

Also this month we had our first huge fight. I felt like she only loved the idea of me. Which to this day I think that I thought right. Yes I was a good man and all but she still felt I was holding her down. I think she just cared about me a lot but wasn't in love with me. The reason why I felt this way is because I studied her. I knew what she liked. She loved Harry Potter. So I got her a collector's coffee cup; it was designed with the Marauder's Map. Not cheap at all and very durable. She didn't even see it coming and I surprised her.

But she claims that how she shows that I am special is by cooking. She doesn't do that for just anybody--which I acknowledge. But that's still not right. She probably didn't study me like I did her. She couldn't tell me my favorite sports team or anime or video game characters. Hell yes I want you to buy me something or make something special to remember us by! What's the problem in that? But she assures that she loves me to death. Doesn't want to lose me.

But also she has an expectancy complex. Her ex BF expected her to do things for him. So anytime I wanted something little done she would have some reluctancy to her. Even to get a glass of water she one time said that she felt like my servant. That is BS!
I can get my own things! Make my own food! But you as a GF should want to do that for me anyways, right? But when I do something or she asks, I do it if I have the ability. Even with my hair. When I had the dreads. She stepped up and did them, once. Then when they got back poofy again, she says to me, "You're hair is starting to look crazy babe. It's looking like you are waiting on me to do it."
WTF!? My hair was like this BEFORE I met you! I don't need you to do jack s**t! But since she basically: cleans the house, be 2nd mom to kids that aren't hers, she feels like everyone wants something from her.

When the 6th month came she started being real bitchy towards me a times. Like, if she was having a f****d up day I would get the negatives of it. Pretty soon it was hard to be open with her like I used to; joke or play around. She actually acknowledged this though and apologized. Also this is when her mom got out of jail for DWI. Her place wasn't fixed up so she had to stay with Vi and her sis. Her mom is an alcoholic. And when I met her for the 2nd time she sized me up (like parents are supposed to) but she did it while drunk. She claimed her daughter loved me to death and saw me as her husband and not her BF--could've been the liquor talking.

So then, around early July Vi wants to propose that we take a 'break'. She claimed that she knows she is treating me bad and I do not deserve that. She doesn't know what's wrong with her and maybe time apart can heal it. I agree. Because if it is something I cannot fix, then what else can I do? She also wants to get closer to her spirituality. She felt like once she gets a BF she gets to invested into him and drifts away from God.

I understand God comes first--and I'm not gonna battle with that--but I also must be a priority. You can balance spirituality and your relationship. But right then and there, I knew we were in trouble--I just didn't want to admit it. Because if you love someone, taking a break wholesomely doesn't make since. It's a difference from just taking a break from too much sex or anything. Prior to this she rarely made her way to my place to crash like we used to. But she came over just to spill that in the morning before she left.

So despite the break, she asks to come over. She comes over again to relay some BS news. Uh oh...she's going celibate again! She tells me that the morning after staying over. I knew something was up when I tried to make advances on her and she pulled away. I love feet. And I love footjobs. She wouldn't give me that. When I went her family function she asked me what I think about going celibate. She stated that she probably wouldn't even be able to give me footjobs. I'm like....WTF!?

But it all sounded too familiar: being distant, celibacy...yeah it's coming. I think she was baiting me the entire time to break up with her but I wouldn't do it, but oh she wanted to. But she couldn't do it to my face. She said our relationship will basically be like a friendship. I reiterated to her time and time again that I will NOT BE HER FRIEND! It seems like she wanted all the good qualities of me but not be with me.

So then on the 9th of this month, she sends me an email after I visit her (which she had another bleh attitude) telling me we should take the break a step further and just be friends. She assured me that she loves me very much but I should find someone that'll make me happy and that'll love me the way I want. I feel it was a total cop-out! A total catalyst to use for the breakup.

I got a bit emo on her and told her to just leave me alone. After that I never heard from her since. I have her sister on FB but not her. I deleted her number. I have her sister on FB because I do love her kids and she's a pretty standup lady. She knows we broke up but never mentioned it to me.

There's much I did for this woman. And I'm a great guy. You don't wake up one morning and say, "I'm gonna break up with him." Not to a guy like me. Guys like me you do not find around the corner. I think she also felt that she need to be a spiritual pillar for her mom. Her mom is "celibate" too so now she claimed it. She even criticized my faith once saying that she's into God more than me. Son of a b***h! I'M the one who appointed her to a church she likes! And still goes to! And she's so into God, that didn't stop her from drinking and smoking weed! So why celibacy? It's BS.

-Her car broke down TWICE and I let her use mine for almost 2 months
-Rescued her drunken mom from a bush on a hill and carried her back home
-Made her feel more beautiful of her body because she always thought she was fat sometimes
-Been there for her when her family would isolate her socially
-Defended her from my mom because my mom tripped about her having the car
-Other miscellaneous things I've done without problems

Never again! I will not get that vulnerable ever! My heart is reserved for one I know who really into me. And being the age I am I know that will be long and far away. Something cracked in me. Prior to meeting her I was single 3 yrs. I was lonely, but happy. I still had joy in my heart. But now...I'm not allowing that again. Only way I'm dealing with women is either on a Friend or FWB level. I could care less if they reject me. I could care less what they think. I could care less if they see me as a friend or not. I've ran into women who had no idea what they wanted (which isn't bad, but it is bad if you aren't real with yourself) or women that want to use you as some seasonal BF.

The past GFs I had in my time. No matter how great of a guy I am inside, they STILL find some way to break up with me if it doesn't involve cheating. Never again. I'm about 80% over it now. But the entire time I think I was just in love and she wasn't. I don't even think the celibacy thing will stick. She probably already laid up with a guy. I am not an active vengeful person but I hope whatever guy she gets sees her for how she is. She'll always remember me. And she'll never find one that'll put up with her. All these guys just wants what's between her legs.
I also hope her car breaks down again. That's just me having those vengeful thoughts. She's following her mom's footsteps. Her mom left the best man she could've had for a 29 yr old who dumped her quicker than she even realized. Partied and got herself divorced and in jail.

Now her ex husband has a great fiancee'. And she still sees him. He still loves her. But he'll never go back. He's all about moving forward. And you could see it painted all over her face if she could have him again she would. She even told me that she screwed that up and regrets it. That's part of why she drinks.

Thanks for reading this novel. Hope all my Autistic brothers and sisters are well this year.

When it comes to love...sometimes...it is better to use more brain than heart.

That was cool.

I hope you guys are watching TV together in 30 years....after a hot lovemaking session.

You never know! We probably could in 30 yrs lol
Rekindle that "old flame" again Lmao