So she gives me her number...

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So I'm at work today, and this girl... I'd guess late teens to early twenties, I seem to remember seeing the logo of the local high school on her clothes somewhere... she meets my gaze. I mean, she's cute. Yeah, I smile at her, and then she keeps looking... several times as I go about my work.

I'm a little uncomfortable at this point, because I've of course got the aspie problem of not being able to tell a flirtatious gaze from a "please stop looking at me" gaze. At some point I'm kind of staring out of nervousness to see if she's stopped looking at me. Nope. Literally looking over her shoulder at me during a conversation with another girl with her. Kind of creeps me out, so I try to slink away after I've clocked out.

Then the other girl walks up to me, introduces herself and hands me a note with her number and a very clear indication of her interest. The first one? I'm guessing she was checking me out because her friend was talking about me.

Now, I'm flattered... but...

a.) I think I'm the better part of a decade older than her at least, and that's... really awkward. Not sure about this, I'm terrible with ages and maybe my memory got jumbled and I saw the high school logo on another customer. More importantly...
b.) ... I'm not in a stable enough place for a relationship now. Just can't handle it.

So I have this person's number, and I'm really not quite sure what the socially appropriate way is to let her know I'm not interested right now. I don't want to seem like an as*hole, and I can't ignore this. So... I'm not quite sure what to do.

No, really.

Just ignore it.

Throw the number away or something.

That's considered perfectly normal, and both men and women do it all the time, particularly in this passive-aggressive, cowardly generation.

Ah, the days when you could only reject/dump by face. How different things may have been.

People find rejecting someone too awkward or in some cases some women feel the male would react aggressively so it's perfectly fine if they want to avoid something like that, but otherwise most people just choose to 'ghost' and ignore instead of confronting others when they could have easily and would not have put themselves at risk.

But if you don't want to sacrifice your integrity (a very good and admirable thing, I might add), then send a simple text saying "Hi, this is _ _ _ _ _ from the shops earlier. I'm flattered you gave me your number, but I just wanted to tell you I'm not interested. Sorry. But I appreciate the offer and you were confident to go through with it. I won't bother you anymore."

One thing is, some young girls and women have given their number to more than one male recently and thus have quite a few offers for dates.

I'm saying she probably won't take it too personally, if at all - it's just a number.

There wasn't even any complex or extended conversation and you both have no emotional connection beyond 'stranger'. She'd probably just shrug your rejection off.

Give her a call. Doesn't hurt.

It may be a joke--if so, just slough it off as idiocy.

Make sure she's legal (i.e., 18 or older).

If she's legal, then it's okay.

If not, it's not okay.

If you're 28, say, and she's college age, it's socially okay. If she's in high school (even if she's 18), it's not socially okay.

They are strangers, though.

Maybe it's the first time she's done this, so why be someone who helps make her dread rejection? I say send a polite message declining, if you don't think you should go out. If you're not ready, you could say that and say you'd be happy to contact her in the future when that changes and you appreciate her approaching you.

And/or ask for her age. Maybe it's something you don't think would work anyway, if she's too young.

This might be one of those "serendipity"-type things. I'd explore it, if I were you. Expect the worst, and hope for the best, as the cliché goes. Especially if you feel attraction towards her.

If she's legal, the age difference doesn't really matter, in my opinion. It's not uncommon for older men to date younger girls.

Any girl whom you're trying to date is usually a "stranger," anyway.

Like I said, if it's a joke, it's not on you; it's on her immaturity. No reflection upon your desirability as a date. Just immature, sophomoric stuff.

It might be the wrong number, by the way--in which case, just throw the paper away, and forget about it.

But I would at least give it a try.

Do what women when not interested usually do in such scenario:

Don't call, don't care.



In fact, she wouldn't even have made a such thread just to ask us how to reject - you're being too nice even for giving it a thought.

Seriously, why we men should care that much when we have to reject? Be like them toward the ones they don't like to date: ghost them, ignore them and never care.

Plus you found her creepy and might even be underage, another reason why you shouldn't call and care.

If I wouldn't anticipate to meet her again (best option), I'd text her, giving her a hint where she could see me again. If you are up to it, you might call her too.

BTW, this is typical ND flirting, so I wouldn't throw it away. She might be considerably younger, but she is likely compatible AND interested. This doesn't happen very often.

He doesn't want to date her, why you are all pushing him to date her? (except Outrider)

Because she seemed like a nice girl and assumably average and/or slightly pretty in attractiveness.

OP considered her 'cute', but otherwise became uncomfortable by her presence because he did not want to linger/stare/possibly give her the wrong idea that he was staring which would make her uncomfortable.

She is entitled to his time and attention and he owes her for being so friendly and not giving him a death glare for looking at her.

She's a nice girl. If OP chooses to 'friendzone' her, he is being a cruel, vicious a55h•le for rejecting her like that and not just giving her a chance.

^ I loved this post, Outrider. Priceless.

It has a lot of hidden messages about double standards.

Society seems to encourage guys to grab any dating opportunity that comes to them (ie. She asks you out, say yet!! What bad can happen?) - instead of being picky.

If you are interested in being friends at least with her, have coffee or something similar. Its hard to tell where she is coming from without getting to know her better. If she seems to want to progress to relationship just be honest about not being up to it. Then its up to her to be accepting.

Thanks everyone.

Because she seemed like a nice girl and assumably average and/or slightly pretty in attractiveness.

OP considered her 'cute', but otherwise became uncomfortable by her presence because he did not want to linger/stare/possibly give her the wrong idea that he was staring which would make her uncomfortable.

She is entitled to his time and attention and he owes her for being so friendly and not giving him a death glare for looking at her.

She's a nice girl. If OP chooses to 'friendzone' her, he is being a cruel, vicious a55h•le for rejecting her like that and not just giving her a chance.

Give the girl a call, man!