Should I stand by my gf, even in this case?

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I discussed some relationship problems with a couple of close friends, to use them as a sounding board, but my gf says I made her look bad and now my friends do not think highly of her anymore. She says that I discussed matters that were not their business and have overstepped their boundaries.

But I was wondering, is it really so wrong to do that? I mean if you cannot get opinions and assessment from friends, where can you get advice from? I mean there are people on online forums too and that's good, but is getting friends opinions who know me and the situation, really inappropriate or overstepping boundaries, when it comes to relationship social rules?

Basically I was having issues with my gf that I discussed with two of my closest friends. The issues I brought up before in a couple of threads on here:

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One of the friends I talked about the issue with is the one friend from the one thread, the guy. The other is a friend I never mentioned in the previous threads. Just so there is no confusion.My gf read the text messages between and one of the close friends. The close friend said that my gf has manipulated me and our problems to her advantage and she doesn't really like my gf because of this. My gf told me that what my friend is saying is not true, and that I started some of the problems, and she says that it was wrong of me to discuss the problems with her.

So now my gf wants me to apologize to my friend for bringing up personal problems and making her look bad. I asked a few people's opinions, online, but wanted some more. Either I stand by gf and stick up for her, and have her back and apologize to my friend, or I tell my gf that I am not apologizing for anything and that she made herself look bad.

But what is the most fair response in this case? Sorry for the long post. But thank you very much for reading and responding.

How did she find out that you spoke to them?
Nevermind. I just found out. I'll get back to you in a minute....

No. I wouldn't apologize. That's what friends are for. Women talk to their women friends all the time about their relationships.

Why was she going through your texts? She must have been looking for something.

Since she was going through personal texts, you got caught. You should have deleted that conversation. However, I would just say that what was being talked about in that conversation is a legitimate concern that is bothering you about your relationship and it needs to be talked about between you two.

I'm trying to put myself in your position because I've never been in a relationship with someone going through my phone. This was a subject that you normally would have discussed with your friends in person and she never would have found out, but with cell phones and texting people are able to find these things out now. You got busted. NORMALLY, it was wrong to discuss her with your friends when she wasn't there to give her side of the story. Unfortunately, you probably do need to apologize to her. Apologizing to your friend is a little on the weird side and I wouldn't do that - to me that feels like she's your mother and making you apologize as a punishment. From here on out, you now know not to keep a text trail (paper trail). The thing is you weren't doing something that people never do - they talk to their friends about their problems - if they're rich, then they talk to their shrink . I'm sure your fiance or gf has done the same thing. You have some major trust issues between the two of you, but you probably already know that.

Asking advice about a relationship is tricky, as you have to bear in mind the other people only hears your side, and that side is inevitably negative, so they can't help but think less of your girlfriend. If you keep going to the same person for advice about problems they will definitely develop a bad opinion at some point. If the person also knows\is friends with your girlfriend then I'd never ask them for relationship advice.

That being said, it's your right to talk your problems over with your friends, keeping the above in mind. If they do ever all meet you don't want them to feel unfriendly toward her.

Have you done anything wrong? No. Should you apologise? Yes, to keep the peace.

To me, only the wife (or fiance) matters at the deepest level. Friends come and go and tend to go once your married. I suggest sorting your issues out directly with your fiance first and foremost. Even legal issues. Trust is utmost. If you can't get along well, to mutual satisfaction at this point, I would rethink/postpone the marriage.

Okay thanks for the input. I could apologize to make the peace. However, my close friend who I talked about my relationship problem with, would not believe the apology. She would just think I am doing it cause my gf told her too, and she says that my gf has been controlling of me and has he whipped too much. So she will not believe the apology, and just think that I am being controlled.

My gf did not read my text messages by going into my phone without permission or anything like that. Since she is my gf, we made an agreement to not have secrets between us. So I showed her the texts when she asked to see them, cause I don't want to be a boyfriend who hides things.

The text message read that my friend said that even though her opinion of my gf has been that she is in the wrong, she doesn't want to loose me as a friend. I texted back saying I don't want to loose her either.

My gf read this and got upset and now she wants me to not hang out with my close friend for almost ten years now, anymore. She says that my friend does not like her, and therefore does not respect her, and now in order to stand up for my gf, I now have to make a choice. My gf of three years now, or my close friend of the last ten.

I realize that I have been told that my gf should come first and nothing else should matter in the world. But why does it have to be us against the world. If I have to have a Bonnie and Clyde mentality with her, that I have to cut anyone else off because of a disagreement, than fine. But I would like to know why I have to leave friends behind, who all they did was have an opinion, in order to have a healthy relationship.

Or is my friend being unfair in anyways? My gf says that a while ago my friend took her off Instagram. So I asked my friend about it, and she says that she hasn't been on Instagram in a long time and that the site deleted some of her contacts, cause she hasn't been on in a long time, and the site changed around. But my gf said that was an obvious lie, and the site doesn't work like that.

My gf also got more upset, when a friend of my friend deleted my gf off of facebook, a few months ago. However, we hardly even know this friend of a friend. We only saw this friend of a friend, at a couple of birthday parties here and there, and we haven't seen her or talked to her in a at least two years. So is my gf making a big deal out of it, that this friend of a friend took her off of facebook?

Or is my gf right and this friend of a friend took her off, because my friend told her too, and I just don't believe that is what probably happened, and she is making too big a deal out of it? What do you think?