Aspergers and Bipolar People...good match?

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I have started dating someone that is bipolar and needs lithium to keep his moods under control. We have shared our disorders with each other right off the bat (I find if I do that, he can understand my disorder and all its little quirks and awkwardness) and we are pretty close as of right now. The only thing I'm worried about is he has been in and out of the hospital a lot and if we're going to become committed, I'm worried that he'll end up there again.

He's so smart and sensible and treats me with the utmost respect and we live 2 hours from each other, but we do what we can to make it work. Have any of you ever dated a bipolar person and what was that experience like?

I have never dated anyone who is bipolar, but I would not recommend it. The divorced people I know have one thing in common: ex spouse is bipolar. I have one female friend who is still married and she is the bipolar one, but her husband travels all of the time and does not deal with her mental illness. She is fairly miserable, even with meds.

I would tell my own son to steer clear of anyone with a mental illness. It's difficult enough for him to figure out typical people. Sorting out the motivations and intentions of someone with a mood disorder, is exceptionally difficult.

Rolf! Lmao... comitted...mental hospital...nevermind...


It is nice to have someone with understanding of ourselves or even with problems of their own.
But, with our own complexity sometimes overwhelming, is it wise to make our situation impossible?

I say: Run

I have Aspergers, my daughter is MAJOR bi-polar. It doesn't work at all. It hurts me terribly when she rejects me and the times we love each other are few and far between. We have very little contact otherwise. Rejection is tough on an Aspie

I find amazingly shallow and ignorant that people on an AS site, where quite a few also haver bipolar, are telling this poster to run and talking negatively.

I would say the same of anyone hoping to get together with someone with AS actually, given our/their general uselessness in the area of emotional interraction, lol.

I find it highly amusing the posters who suggested bipolar in such a negative light, probably desire understanding for their own issues yet are incapable of being accepting of others with different issues.

Bipolar is very common and to suggest that relationships with them cannot work is utter BS.

IT sounds to me as if your daughter has other issues, tourette as bipolar does not list rejection et al as a symptom.

I would suggest that someone with their own issues could actually be a lot more understanding of someone else who has issues since they would desire understanding themselves.

I have bipolar, and my bf has AS and we have found a level of understanding and closeness that might not have otherwise been attainable for either of us.It might have taken work, but no relationship is a walk in the park.

[quote="bombergal"] The only thing I'm worried about is he has been in and out of the hospital a lot and if we're going to become committed, I'm worried that he'll end up there again.[quote]





One thing that is fairly certain...get used to the idea of visiting him in the psychiatric hospital. Individuals with Bipolar Disorder often end up with many repeat admissions throughout their life. So be prepared to give him the support he needs when such events occur...it is one of the constants of this medical condition.

Last edited by Zsazsa on 18 Mar 2008, 11:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

Well... my dad is bipolar and he has been with mom for 17 yaers now and they still love each other like crazy!

i disagree with that, not all bipolar people are horrible

you should let your son go out with who he wants, keep an open mind.

I made it work for ten years, myself being an aspie and he was bipolar unfortunately he fell into the drugs and alcohol and became violent, and would not accept help, otherwise we would still be together.

I knew a bipolar girl. We thought about dating each other, but we were both too young and emotionally unstable.

Are you sure he's bipolar? Quite often bipolar people are really misdiagnosed aspies, and even if he isn't, bipolar and AS share a lot of things in common... I've had the major mood swings as a child, and some people thought I was a combination of bipolar and ocd (this was before the general public was aware of autism in general, let alone AS...)

In either case, the episodes that a bipolar experiences often need a strong foundation in any partner they may have. You need to be a steady presence in his life. While your relationship may have its high and low points (as in any relationship, except perhaps even moreso), from what I can tell, you have alot in common. I say you should pursue this relationship...

I didn't say that people with bipolar are horrible.



About my son, that's the advice I'd give him. But, I realize people do what they want, so I couldn't stop him in any way

Alternet recently had an article on dating a bipolar person: http://www.alternet.org/sex/79290/

Too much bad brain-related genes would be mixed ....too much risk for a bad breed , really it won't be a smart choice if you are planning in the long term to have a happy family.

I am with Graelwyn on this one I have aspergers and have been told have bipolar traits which are now under control, but just like aspergers I had to learn to understand my symptoms, I am happy married have 2 wonderful children and still with the same husband

A lot of people on the autism spectrum have mood disorders and in fact a lot of the symptoms can be similar for different reasons. I ask Tony Attwoods views on this:
Dear Alyson
Thank you for your message and very intriguing question. I think that people with Asperger's syndrome have many issues in relation to emotion regulation and perception which comes from my clinical experience. However, new research on the amygdala (a part of the brain that is involved with emotion regulation and perception) has indicated that those with Asperger's syndrome can have difficulty managing their emotions. I am not sure if the characteristic is one of bipolar or manic. I prefer to describe it as an intense emotional response that is difficult for the person with Asperger's syndrome and others to control. A person with Asperger's syndrome may very quickly move into an intense emotion with a relatively minor trigger.

(I find this is one of the hardest things for us Aspies to understand and deal with at times, our emotions and triggers.... to me its almost like a switch, and I can just change - withdraw, become angry, paranoid, happy, even just laugh for no real reason, you do learn to control as get older, but feel parents with children find the emotion triggers quite difficult to understand, so hope this helps a little - Alyson Bradley)

I recommend Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) for people with Asperger's syndrome to help them use their intellect to manage their emotions. I have a whole chapter on this in my new book 'The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome' published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers, with more information at www.jkp.com, which will provide you with more details. I have attached that chapter for you.
Chapter 6 - The Understanding and Expression of Emotions.doc can read this chapter on link below:
http://asplanet.info/index.php?option=c ... Itemid=110

I have never taken medication, my choice as grew up with a bipolar mother who I also feel now had aspergers and knew that medication may of contained her situation, but not allow her to believe or find her true self. See link for Do Not Drug Us - Understand Us:
http://asplanet.info/index.php?option=c ... Itemid=105

I really do not understand how people here can discriminate against others, when they them selves are asking to be understood.

my first bf was either bipolar or possibly schizophrenic... we were young and he was just starting his treatment.... which was pretty shoddy to say the least cause his parents were poor and abusive and didnt really do much for him.

i guess him being my first love... in a way it was the greatest, cause i had never been let down before and we were both really romantic with each other and all that puppy-dog stuff.... but it was also hard cause he would get upset and have to leave and feel bad for leaving me and he never believed me that i didn't mind and would get all paranoid about it. i'm sure i didn't help at times either being i didn't know about AS and things... there were some issues with our relationship that knowing what i know now, were because of me (ie-they followed me to other relationships with definite NT men)... but he wound up loading it all upon himself... which left me feeling helpless at times, but i tried to let him deal with things his way cause i know i would want the same.

we were together for 4 yrs and he wound up running away from home and attempting suicide. at that point, he started with some institutional visits and that was right at the time we both went off to college... things just ended for non-relevant reasons. and all i can say was that there were great times and bad times... but it's hard to tease things apart in our situation. i think if both of us had been more informed/on top of our situations, that things could have worked.

i don't know where he is today... but i wish him well.

My ex was bipolar, her cycles were long though lasting days. She took lithium and was fine but told me stories of getting manic and baking pies all night to sell in the park. Lithium seemed to keep her condition completly in check, so her bipolar could have been mild?