I have to know

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Just some thoughts. I've heard this said before: "I told her how I felt about her because I had to know how she felt. She didn't feel the same and now I can move on"

Do you think that knowing how the other person really feels for sure is the best way to let go?

Seems like a kamikaze exercise to me: " I'm going to tell this person whom I'm 90% sure doesn't fancy me back how I feel just so I can get closure."

Why can't we just move on any way?

To walk away unsure is worse then going down in flames.

We want who we want. Even when it seems hopeless, the heart has a tendency to ignore the math.

Because when I actually did this and thought she was just being friendly when we were both in school, it turns out she really WAS interested back.

Now we are good friends, though it's long-distance since she does live far-away now. We're planning to meet-up again soon.

In short, you'll never know what could have been, and what, potentially, can be.

I think we all have a need for closure, if we can get it. We need to know for sure that we either have a chance or not. I am this way also.

Is it really 90%?
We tend to underestimate our chances due to our auttie nature, factor that it.
If that brings it down to say 40/60, why not scatter the atoms and roll the dice.

somebody should come up with a universal app [for those of us with smartphones in any case] that when we encounter a similarly equipped potential potential mate, depending on each parties app settings, one would know unmistakably if the other was interested or not.

They have, it's called Tinder. If you fancy someone you swipe left (or right I dunno) if they like you then they do the same swipe. You've both confirmed that you like each other.

how close do you have to be for it to work? like if she refuses to swipe, is there enough time to duck around a corner to hide?

yes

doesn't mean you can't be all roundabout though . drive them into a corner, see how they react. if they keep being evasive or unclear themselves, that's a sign that they are interested in you, and that they're doing the same to you already, to see how you react first (in which case it may be interpreted as passive rejection if you don't express anything). i can think of three reasons for that (which apply equally to yourself as well): 1. the obvious one: they don't want to risk rejection, 2. they want you to show that you're willing to be vulnerable for them (very important in a relationship, sooner or later), and/or 3. they want to have the chance to change their mind and reject you

once you tell someone that you like them, there's a sort of responsibility implied. because the person may react to it in a way that you didn't expect, and it may reveal some things that you hadn't seen before and that seem like deal breakers to you, and you can't just say "eh, i changed my mind". so... plausible deniability. it's not a good thing in later stages of a relationship, but it's essential at the beginning. there's an inevitable negotiation of vulnerability. and, in my opinion, the only way to develop a relationship with someone who you see as "above you" somehow (better looks, better income, you're in love with them, so on) is by forcing them to be vulnerable for you. remove the significance of the advantage, even things out

sometimes the other person may be hesitant because they feel like "you're above them" and you have no idea. and you'll never know if you just leave it at that

Hmm I have an idea better than Tinder.

Imagine an app where it shows you all your connections who are using it too (from FB, twitter, phone nb..) like the way Line and Imo apps find your friends; then you swipe on the friends you fancy only, if he fancies you back, it will be revealed to both of you.


Man.... this is a genius app idea!!
DoYouLikeMe I would call it.

mebbe you can make it happen, just think of the riche$

i think the potential is there, just waiting. clearly the online dating options today are lagging behind the demand

the software itself probably wouldn't be so complicated. the tricky part and the bulk of the business would be the marketing strategy and campaign. getting it to become a pop culture thing

Well Boo you're the app developer. Make it happen. That actually sounds pretty cool.

Do you like me like me?

well, there you go. it has a name and also a slogan already

it does sound like a cool project. i almost feel tempted to look into it myself. probably not even going to attempt to make anything in reality though. any scenario where an idea like that could be useful would involve working with other developers, sponsors and stuff. unless there could be some kind of ingenious mechanism that someone would be interested in buying to develop that business

i think it's worth a thread on the subject, to bounce off ideas and opinions on what people would want from that kind of app, and what would convince them to use it, or keep them from using it. even if nobody is really going to make the app (might bring up some new thoughts about current dating sites and whatnot. who knows). in the end, we wp forum members actually are the prototypical user base for it...

@boo: i'll let you start the thread if you want to, but if not, i'll probably start it myself tomorrow