How to Get Relatives to Stop Talking about My Love Life
Ever since I was a late teen, my relatives have been nagging me to get a boyfriend. Recently, they've gotten even more insistent, which has only been increasing my self-loathing whenever they mention it. When I finally snap/meltdown and tell them just why I don't have one, they insist on listing my 'good' qualities and 'how I'll find one, if only I start putting myself out there' (NOTE: They do not know of my diagnosis, OCD, or ADHD, or in the case of one relative, they do know but don't believe me). I just want them to back off because I'm still picking up the pieces from years of bullying and I don't need to be broken again by some dude who thinks I'm nuts or something.
Suggestions?
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I'm not a psychopath, I'm a high-functioning autistic/Aspie. Do your research.
This. Maybe not in the exact same words around mom or dad, but seriously they need to know that what they're doing is the opposite of help and it's insulting.
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There is no wealth like knowledge, no poverty like ignorance.
Nahj ul-Balāgha by Ali bin Abu-Talib
Dear mom and dad,
I have noticed that you want what is best for me. Trying to entice a relationship will make me find anyone just to pacify your inquiries. It also places expectations on me for no good reason. This is counter productive. In your eyes I am still your child. In my perspective, its time for me to learn on my own.
Really....some people just can't help but stir.
Hah! But that'll just lead to even more questions.
Honestly, just tell them that you're not ready for a relationship. However, when you are ready and willing to get advice/matchmaking, then you'll let them know. If they keep insisting, then continue to repeat those words like a broken record.
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Don't settle for someone who doesn't see your worth.
I've had work colleagues do this. People are often extremely nosey.
But you can use body language to your full advantage.
I'm extremely surprised how effective this is.
The moment she mentions the annoying thing, it can even be mentioning a 'lovely boy lives across the road'.
Lower your eyebrows, squint your eyes (snake eyes), set your mouth thin; in a tense stance. The aim is for a very angry looking frown. Ensure you are staring directly into her eyes.
I fold my arms, and face directly towards her. If you are sitting down, stand up and lean a little towards her.
Stare at her until they avert she eyes. Trust me, with all this body language, it will be torture for them (if you find this sort of thing difficult).
Make your focus, one person. You can work on another person at a later date.
Once they back off, you'll see them shift & look for help, they might make a flippant comment such as "you're testy today". Ignore this comment, this is them trying to break the tension, and relieve their own guilt. You've done it, now relax and go back to as you were.
If that doesn't get them to back off or stop talking altogether. You can say "What did you say!?" in a very anger filled quiet voice, and perhaps take a little step towards them.
Other things you can say:
"Is my life any of your business!?"
"Perhaps it's time you got a hobby!?"
Do not yell any of these, say it in a cool calm but seething voice. (scrunch those eyebrows down real good, and burn your eyes into theirs as if you were that Xmen dude with laser eyes).
These are all retorical questions, you do NOT care what her answer is. If she answers you ignore it, what you are waiting for is for her to break eye contact, shift uncomfortably. If these are accompanied by her answer, and if her answer is shaky/nervous, you've achieved your goal.
Hopefully you will see a fearful reaction come across this persons face.
Often anger is something that people react to the strongest.
You could also try balling your fists, instead of the arm folding, and moving very close to them (keep facing directly at them).
Once they back off, they might quickly change the subject or simply go a little quiet, you can relax and go back to whatever you were doing previously. Even if you were talking to them.
You have set your boundaries.
You may need to repeat this with several different people, but eventually they will avoid those subjects.
Do not over use this technique. Preserve it solely for boyfriend/matchmaking talk.
If they laugh at you or disregard your show of displeasure, then you've got a problem.
Try to keep away from them, and go completely silent, do not talk to them for 5 min or so, avoid eye contact, pretend they aren't their. Neurotypicals, hate a lack of social interaction, it can be even more uncomfortable than fighting. You might have to do this on a more permanent basis if one of them is persistent with the issue.
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