When you finally got first experience?

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When you got your first relationship?
< 18 31%  31%  [ 18 ]
18-21 21%  21%  [ 12 ]
22-25 22%  22%  [ 13 ]
26-30 17%  17%  [ 10 ]
31-39 7%  7%  [ 4 ]
>40 2%  2%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 58

Ecomatt91
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30 Jul 2016, 5:21 pm

I am creating a new thread basing a poll question of when you finally got a first relationship and/or sex? I would like to see how this plays out. The poll is above in question with different age cohort responses.

I don't want to feel alone on this because I haven't had a first time yet, and I am only 25. Might be a little late? I would like to see the numbers on the poll especially how aspies going in their lives thus far are. I thought aspies have trouble getting their first times because of social communication challenges and barriers. I want a meaningful discussion on this because I would learn something.

So lets see how it go from here.



kraftiekortie
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30 Jul 2016, 6:07 pm

It doesn't matter how "late" you are, as long as it feels right.

I was 17. It felt right to me, but she went on to somebody else.



mikeman7918
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30 Jul 2016, 7:23 pm

When I was 17 I asked a girl out and went on one date before being rejected, that's the best luck I've had so far.


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slw1990
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31 Jul 2016, 1:02 am

I'm almost 26 and I have almost no experience at all. When I was 24 I sort of had a relationship, but it was a long distance relationship with a guy I never met and I wasn't exactly sure if we were in a relationship for a while.



The_Face_of_Boo
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31 Jul 2016, 2:10 am

A fling at 29



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31 Jul 2016, 2:27 am

slw1990 wrote:
I'm almost 26 and I have almost no experience at all. When I was 24 I sort of had a relationship, but it was a long distance relationship with a guy I never met and I wasn't exactly sure if we were in a relationship for a while.

hah! been there...

it lasted for about a year when i was 19 or so, and then about a year again with the same girl when i was 25 or so (if i'm not getting the math wrong). then one day i went to a friend's wedding, which was exhausting to me and also got me thinking (especially because my friend and her now-husband themselves had a long-distance relationship for quite a while), and i finally decided to ask the girl what was it that we had after all

i tried not to pressure her, but i tried to be clear. she unleashed apocalypse on me... we "stayed friends", but she became more and more passive-aggressive, and it was just impossible to pretend that there was anything left but awkwardness. so one day i just emailed her saying "sorry, i'm gone". left me scarred for quite a while, especially because i felt really guilty for the way i handled it, but angry because she left me no choice

about a year later i met my future girlfriend online in a forum like this one. after a few months talking to each other every day (which was nice and fun in itself), she basically declared that she considered that we were and had been in a relationship for a while already, without having ever asked me about it or talked to me about it (red flag!.. :lol:). i wouldn't even have known that she thought so if she hadn't said something confusing that prompted me to ask her about it (she was "way out of my league". i had no ambitions whatsoever of being more than friends, so i was very cautious about any assumptions)

it was a very problematic relationship from that moment on, because she just didn't seem to understand the difference between "liking me / (being in love with me? dunno)" and "being in a relationship with me", and she kept accusing me of trying to control her. but we did have our good moments (lots of them), we did get to meet in real life (last year. i.e. two years later. we sort of lived together for about three months), and i did gain a lot from it, not just in terms of relationship per se, but also many little things that are now part of my life and even my identity (even after the final breakup), and big things that she motivated me to accomplish

both of those girls had very little relationship experience themselves. the first one was about my age, the second one was about six years younger than me. the first one probably wasn't autistic, but the second one probably was


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31 Jul 2016, 3:07 am

For me it was 23 when I lost my virginity but was not able to find my first real girlfriend till I was 25.



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31 Jul 2016, 3:22 am

Longest relationship ever was 1 month, 1 week, though we only actually spent time together or spoke to each other in the first 2, she broke up with me after a few weeks of no contact.

2 girlfriends so far, 8 dates across 3 different girls.

No first kiss aside from kissing a girl on the cheek a few times, hugged girls of course plenty, slept over at one's house and cuddled in bed but did not go 'that far'.



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31 Jul 2016, 4:07 am

Depends on how you define a relationship. I think I had my first relationship at 14, but I've actually never been in a formal relationship until I got engaged and later married when I was in my 30s. At that time, there was no talk of being in a relationship either, rather we decided to get engaged.



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31 Jul 2016, 4:24 am

Ecomatt91 wrote:
I haven't had a first time yet, and I am only 25.


I haven't had a first time yet, and I am 27



rdos
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31 Jul 2016, 9:06 am

anagram wrote:
about a year later i met my future girlfriend online in a forum like this one. after a few months talking to each other every day (which was nice and fun in itself), she basically declared that she considered that we were and had been in a relationship for a while already, without having ever asked me about it or talked to me about it (red flag!.. :lol:). i wouldn't even have known that she thought so if she hadn't said something confusing that prompted me to ask her about it (she was "way out of my league". i had no ambitions whatsoever of being more than friends, so i was very cautious about any assumptions)


I think that is how ND relationships really works. You don't have the "talk about being together", but still assume you are after talking to each other so much. I would have assumed the same as she did, even if I probably wouldn't have talked about it.

It's not a red flag. It's how it works for some NDs.



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31 Jul 2016, 9:18 am

rdos wrote:
I think that is how ND relationships really works. You don't have the "talk about being together", but still assume you are after talking to each other so much. I would have assumed the same as she did, even if I probably wouldn't have talked about it.

It's not a red flag. It's how it works for some NDs.

the lack of protocol in itself is not a problem, and it's actually welcome. the problem was that she maintained her one-sided approach over time. given the usual contents of our conversations (which did very often include subjects like "what is a friendship" or "what keeps people together" or "geeky guys learn to fear pretty girls", and how it was all very blurry and confusing to both of us), she could easily have known/deduced that i would be confused about the nature of the situation

so it showed a lack of consideration, because she simply never stopped to think about my confusion and the repercussions for me, and that was a consistent pattern throughout the relationship. she would only show consideration reluctantly, after being explained about it, as if she were following orders. she did have affection for me, and it was both natural and genuine, but consideration was not

she was essentially resentful that i couldn't magically read her mind and then act according to her wishes. which is not a symptom of asd itself, but of a personality disorder instead


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31 Jul 2016, 9:02 pm

anagram wrote:
she was essentially resentful that i couldn't magically read her mind and then act according to her wishes. which is not a symptom of asd itself, but of a personality disorder instead
According to TV shows and movies, that's not ASD, that's how most women in relationships act. (Not most women overall, most women in relationships.) You know, the old "If you don't know what's wrong, I'm not telling you." Which makes me happy to be single.



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31 Jul 2016, 9:04 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
According to TV shows

always a reliable source of accurate information :roll:

and yes, it's not a sign of asd, as i specifically said in the very paragraph you quoted. it's a sign of a personality disorder


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TheBrownienator
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31 Jul 2016, 9:18 pm

I know that this sounds kinda stupid but my first "relationship" was last year when I was fourteen, it only lasted two days and one date and it turns out that the only reason she agreed to a date was because she felt pity for me which ruined our relationship.



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31 Jul 2016, 10:14 pm

anagram wrote:
Aspie1 wrote:
According to TV shows

always a reliable source of accurate information :roll:
Art imitates life. Then life starts to imitate art.

My ex was very much like this. Her favorite phrase was: "You just don't get it!" What exactly "it" was, or what "getting" consisted of, she never told me. So, true of not, I'm not getting into another relationship ever again, unless I can verify that my potential girlfriend is not a threat to my sanity.