RetroGamer's Dilemma!

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There's this girl who really likes me. But I'm not sure if I like her! Her personality is okayish. She's nice and kind and likes to cook for people but she's also a little bit boring. I get that from a lot of the girls I date. Maybe it's a lack of chemistry. Like our personality don't compliment each other. But with a few girls we just gel. Not this one. But she's nice. Not fun. Just nice. I'd rather have fun. Like compatible senses of humour, etc.

But that's not the problem. It's her looks. A few months ago I felt conflicted about dating an average looking girl but this girl is worse. She looks really frumpy and she never smiles. She looks older than she really is. I think she has some sort of strange bone disease. But I feel so guilty for even thinking that!

The conversations in my head go 'round and 'round.

1. She really likes me.
2. But she looks like a frumposaurus.
3. How dare you think that! You're being shallow. Looks aren't important.
4. But imagine how my friends will laugh and jeer when they see me with her. They're even more shallow than I am.
5. Do you want to be alone forever? This could be your last chance.
6. But look at her! Her face makes me sad and fills me with dread.
7. You always wanted an Asian girlfriend.
8. Only out of the pretty ones.
9. But she promised to cook me Thai food! I love Thai food. And I hate cooking.
10. You're leading her on.
11. Maybe she can introduce me to her family and friends. At least they have permanent residence.
12. By the time you meet her family and friends you'll already be her boyfriend.
13. How can I friendzone her?
14. Don't do that, it's immoral.
15. Hey, she's not entitled to me.
16. But it's bad for you to lead her on. You're wasting her time.
17. Not if she makes a friend out of it.
18. If you date her in hopes that she has a younger sister you're being really immoral!
19. What am I meant to be a saint or something?
20. What about your ex?

What do you think? Am I being horribly shallow or should I obey my eyes and run far away? I feel like I'm wrong for being concerned about looks yet I am.

As for her nice but boring personality, contrast with my ex who was anything but boring. Within a few weeks we were like a comedy duo with perfect timing. All our conversations were fun. We had awesome chemistry!

And were else would I find a girl in Adelaide who not only likes Star Trek but also collects Super Nintendo games? Retrogaming girls are rarer than unicorns. We used to play Donkey Kong Country and Yoshi's Island together. She has some really rare games too. Most girls I know just play modern stuff like PS4 or even worse iPhone games or even worse, Facebook games like Farmville!

She said I can't talk to her for 4 to 6 months, not being I did anything really bad but because after we broke up we tried being friends but we were unable to resist our lust and ended up doing certain bedroom activities that friends don't do with each other. She said she didn't want to be friends with benefits. Neither did I but I wrongly thought having sex was a sign she wanted to get back together. She said she needed a few months alone because we were "blurring the lines of friendship."

I thought maybe in a few months we could patch things up and get back together. I haven't been doing the things that originally made her mad (like getting locked out of my apartment, etc) (and I promise I won't tell her to go on a diet again). She said I needed time to grow up. No problem. 4 months is plenty of time for that. I feel more mature already.

Anyway, I think the real reason she dumped me was due to her cyclical depression. Depression makes people view everything in a negative light. I know it does for me. So maybe it was depression that made her dump me. For the first few months of our relationship she seemed to be in her happy phase. Maybe in a few months she'll be happy again. Maybe I can convince her during her depressed phases that her depression is giving her a negatively biased view of me so she doesn't really dislike me, it's an illusion. Like she's seeing me through deep blue glasses.

Maybe I can help her feel better. Even if I stop telling her she needs to go on a diet I know that even before she met me, she had extremely negative views about her own body. Maybe I can not only accept her body but also encourage her to accept it. Anyway, her chubbiness wasn't all bad because it made her feel extra soft and cuddly. To quote that girl in Pulp Fiction, what is pleasing to the touch and what is pleasing to the eye are seldom the same thing.

For a few months after she dumped me I was so mad at her. I kept on thinking of all the bad things she did and looking at her through angry red glasses. I thought she was as bad as the Devil herself. But now that I've had a few months to calm down I really miss her. I know realize it wasn't her fault depression made her say those bad things to me. I'm not angry at her anymore. I want to help her overcome her depression.

Maybe it could work and maybe it couldn't but it won't work if I'm dating the frumpy Thai girl. I need to be single to get back with my ex.

But maybe we don't have a chance anyway so I might as well date the Beast of Bangkok. Unfortunately I don't have anything better to do. And if she moves in she could pay half of my rent. That would really help me with my financial problems. I could pay off my credit cards double quick.

But some of my friends have girlfriends that look like supermodels. If I'm dating a not so nice looking girl I'll be even more jealous of them. And I'll feel locked in. Like I relinquish all chance of being able to date a nicer looking girl because I'm not single.

So what would you do? Imagine if you had little experience dating like me and most girls won't give the time and day and you had to choose between a girl who's several standard deviations below average or being forever alone. How would you choose?

Alas....this is the Dilemma we all face!

How "frumpy" is she really?

I'm thinking of the Archie comics...You want Veronica, rather than Betty.

But I've always liked Betty. Shes' sensible, practical, and dedicated.

Maybe she's Betty.

So what if you make it with Betty, rather than Veronica.

Screw what your friends think!

Then again.....that girl who shares your passion for Retro Games....should probably be kept in the Back Burner.

Are your friends really that awful? Even if they did jeer at you, would they do it just to tease and then let it go? If they keep at it, then what sort of friends are they anyway?

Do you even like this girl? If not, then you're leading her on and putting up a front unless you tell her that you just don't like her that way. Do you really want to be a pretender if you don't believe there's a good chance of you growing to genuinely like her? She'd be devastated when eventually, things don't work out because you never really liked her from the beginning.

Also, I'm not saying you would act on them, but imagine the temptations of other women while you're in a boring, long-term relationship with a woman who doesn't do it for you.

As for trying to win back your ex, sounds like a recipe for heartache. If the feelings faded on her part, it's real tough to get them back. She'd have to want to rekindle them with you. I could be wrong here, but don't people usually keep their distance from their exes because they want closure, and they want to leave no doubt about finalizing the breakup and letting feelings fade?

Your ex sounded awesome at first, but if she said awful things to you, then was she, really?

It's like the risk vs reward scenario. Should I draw or play my hand?See for yourself. I'll only leave this picture up for a little while.

No. Exgf was Betty. This girl is more like Big Ethel. Now I know how Jughead feels.

I thought that diet I went on a few years ago would put me in a higher league. I guess I was wrong. I'm in the same league. Maybe it's something other than my appearance that determines which class of girls I'm eligible for.[/quote]Then again.....that girl who shares your passion for Retro Games....should probably be kept in the Back Burner.[/quote]I know. I was so happy being with her. But it only lasted for a few months. I miss her

Last edited by RetroGamer87 on 01 Sep 2016, 8:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

After she dumped me she kept on going on about what a great guy she thought I was. I think the reason why she stopped talking to me is because she still had feelings for me and she was afraid she would act on them (again).I'm not sure. She was so awesome at times and so awful at other times. I think she had psychological problems. She made everything about her. Like when we got into an argument about where to put the couch. She wasn't even living there.

Here's the thing. I told her I just liked it better in that place. She sounded very surprised. She said she thought I just put it there to spite her. Why would I do it to spite her?

And even when she admits something was her fault she still gets angry at me for making her feel guilty about it. My previous ex also did that. I can't stand when girls try to guilt me about stuff that's their fault.

But she had a nice sounding voice and a truly unique personality. Other girls' personalities just seem boring by comparison.

Maybe it's just that I don't know other girls that well. Chemistry develops over time. We had perfect comedic timing together after a few weeks but on our first date we were both so awkward. What made it work is that she really wanted to date me. Unlike other girls she didn't act like she was doing me a favour.

I'd avoid her. Anybody who gets upset like that over a couch must be nuts!

The present girl would look much better if she smiled.

Firstly, if you really despise her looks so much then obviously a relationship isn't going to work.

Secondly, why does it even matter so much what friends think of your girlfriend? A partner should trump friends; render them totally obsolete. If I had a girlfriend, I'd damn well prioritize her opinions over that of friends. The fact that you care so much what your friends think leads me to suspect you just want a trophy, not a real relationship.

No, I don't think you should be getting with her. You don't fancy her, and looks are clearly important to you. You'd be doing the both of you a disservice, and while you can take that as your choice, she cannot.

Don't lead her on, and (assuming you want to be her friend) be clear on what you want.

I think you need to move on from your ex, because I don't think any new woman is going to stand a fair chance til you do.

I also think you really need to get/grow past this competition/jealousy thing with your friends. If you're worried about how they'll respond to someone you present as your girlfriend, I wouldn't say they're more shallow than you.

That right there. That stinking attitude. Change it.

Someone else on here remarked that your OKCupid (was it?) name is the same as your Wrong Planet one. Obviously, the first thing anyone sort-of interested is going to do is Google it. And bo and lehold, they can read many examples of such cringeworthy BS. On the one hand, maybe you're doing them a favour. On the other hand, at least there's a strong candidate for 'why' as to your lack of luck with the ladies.

I suppose it's immaturity, and there's not much to do except wait it out. Because I know you can be plenty smart and funny and interesting, and clearly there's some women out there who appreciate your company in person and you in general.