Stuck in a loop of indecisiveness

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Here's the abridged version. My girlfriend did something that hurt me really badly. We're long distance dating now because of it. She's waiting for me to make a decision on whether to invite her to rejoin me or too break up. I'm stuck in the middle and don't know how to make a decision at this point. It's been three months. Someone told me that indecisiveness can be a major ASD problem, someone like a therapist. Who else has had problems making huge decisions and how did you break the cycle?

I can be pretty indecisive myself.

I lie to think about both possible futures when Im by myself in a quite room and see how I feel about both optons.

Some questions you could ask yourself are:
Can you really forgive what she did? Will you become bitter about it in the future? Is it being blown put of poporion? Does she regret her mistake? Is the relationship worth it? How much would you miss her?

Of course I don't know the situation so this is a rough kinda guide. You sound like you have a tough decision to make.

One thing I will say which might be a but sappy. Whatever choice you make will work itself out. Maybe a day not thinking about it would clear your head

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Your girlfriend did something that hurt you badly and SHE'S waiting for you to make a decision re whether you stay together or break up???
What's wrong with this picture?
My advice? Dump her.

Hello Feyokien,

Indecisiveness can indeed be an issue, but if you are in a committed relationship and your partner cheats (or does something in the cheating family), that is not a good sign for the future.

How has your communication been during the three months of long distance dating?

Have you actually seen each other during this time?

It wasn't cheating, but a very huge breach of trust. She lied to me about being married to her ex. I only found out because my parents gave me the information. It was horrible.

It's been okay, solely been Skype. We haven't seen each other physically at all. I'm in the Midwest and shes on the East Coast.

I certainly understand why you have been unable to make a decision.

If you are anything like me, you have probably made a list of pros and cons several times over and asked anyone you trust for advice.

Unfortunately, this is a decision that you must make with your heart, not your head, which is far more difficult than making logical decisions. Even if someone on this forum has a way that they have responded to a similar situation, you are the only one who can decide.

It might be a good idea to see her in person. Have you thought about asking her to come and visit?

Yes and yes, the list was inconclusive and the advice I've gotten is varied.



The logic in what I should do is pretty clear. I'm stumbling on the heart part.



Yeah. This thread was a pipe dream for that. I guess I'm just curious on how people get past difficult decisions, doesn't have to be like this decision. How to get past fixation.



She's wanted to come visit me actually, but I haven't given her a yes on that. I don't know if that would be a good idea, it could create opportunities for mistakes to be made to be blunt about it, such as having sex when my commitment to the relationship is in flux.

Gods I'm impossible.

Maybe it is worth seeing her in person and seeing how you feel.

The fact she is wait in patiently for your decisions speaks volumes. She made a big mistake but she cpearly loves you if she is willing to stick around for you to come to a decision.

Why did she not tell you? Was she maybe ashamed so was frightened to tell you the truth?

I agree.

In this case, I believe when in doubt, stick it out.

Perhaps letting the relationship progress and intimacy increase instead of remaining stagnant will be what is needed to allow you to see things from another angle.

The two most important things in this situation I believe are what you still personally want, and how sustainable you believe things are in the long run.

If you believe there's still a partial chance at things working out for the better in the cards, then I'd move forward if I were you and hope for the best.

If you love this person, I would stick with her.

People make similar mistakes to hers all the time, and relationships are maintained.

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