Homecoming date hung out with her friends more than me

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CubsBullsBears
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02 Oct 2016, 12:12 am

We went to dinner together then to the dance, and that's when it went downhill. She started talking to her friends and it was pretty much like she had planned to be with them and not me. There was even a time when a slow song was on and I got her to dance with me a bit but then someone lured her away(while the song was still playing). We're not dating yet but this really hurts me because I really saw this as a date night for is. She did apologize to me about it and she is a nice girl, but it still really hits me hard that she would drift off with her friends like that. Especially with my lack of friends(really, that's the only reason why I went to the dance). Any thoughts?


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Outrider
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02 Oct 2016, 5:17 am

Did she know you considered it a romantic date, or did she only see it as going with a friend?

This is important.

How was her behavior. Was she flirty or receptive to you or did she treat you completely like a girl would treat her friend?



Private Idaho
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02 Oct 2016, 9:58 am

Maybe she is shy and doesn't yet feel comfortable spending a lot of time alone with you.



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02 Oct 2016, 10:20 am

OP, your lady friend doesn't sound like a nice girl at all. It almost seems like she used you to get to her friends. I would non-verbally end things at this point; namely,, by not lifting a finger to pursue her any further. At most, exchange hellos in the hallway, and maybe study together at school. If she offers to make it up to you, like by buying you lunch, accept it as a gesture of her conscience, but don't let it lull you into a false sense of security. Also, did you pay for anything before or at homecoming? It puts her in an even worse light if you did, because she took advantage of your romantic generosity while not acting like your date.

Private Idaho wrote:
Maybe she is shy and doesn't yet feel comfortable spending a lot of time alone with you.
I couldn't disagree more with this. If attraction is strong enough, it should override shyness/discomfort. After all, you are one-on-one with the person. Otherwise, it's not strong enough to sustain a relationship. I used to feel this way about my first girlfriend, who I settled for. She acted pretty much the same way. I gave her so much benefit of doubt, and did everything to ensure she's happy in the relationship. Only to see things fall apart two or three months later. And now I know why: she liked me only slightly, rather than a lot, like I though she did.



The_Face_of_Boo
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02 Oct 2016, 12:28 pm

Quote:
She did apologize to me about it



I would tell her that I am her date, not a decoration, and then I would tell her bye-bye for good.

Dancing with some other guy during a date night is a sure sign of non-interest and bad news.



Peacesells
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02 Oct 2016, 1:35 pm

Who paid for the dinner? Did you two split the bill?



AspergianMutantt
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02 Oct 2016, 1:47 pm

Do not worry about it, it was all just a social event for her, and it lets you know where her head is at, just move on, don't waist a lot of emotional thinking and energy and worry about it. if she wasn't right for you then, nor really wanted to spend that time with you, then later in the future she wouldn't have worked out anyways and would be even more of your life and time and heart wasted. and don't be blaming your self when it takes two to tango and everyone is different.


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sly279
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02 Oct 2016, 4:01 pm

Least you had a date. I never got to go to any dances



AspergianMutantt
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02 Oct 2016, 4:03 pm

sly279 wrote:
Least you had a date. I never got to go to any dances



Yah same here, hell I did not even get to get laid till I was almost 30.


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Aspie1
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02 Oct 2016, 11:17 pm

sly279 wrote:
Least you had a date. I never got to go to any dances
In all honesty, you didn't miss much, if at all. At my dance, music was tacky, snacks were flavorless, soda was $3 a cup, and I couldn't get alcohol (I was under 21 at the time). I felt on edge the whole time (from the overwhelming excitement about being at a real dance with a real date), and my date acted awkward (from me being all needy and desperate, I presume). Worst of all, I didn't know how to dance at all back then! The setting was very romantic, though; the dance committee must have spared no expense.

The dance tickets included a photo of each attendee, plus a couple photo for those attending together. The Student Services Office had a shredder, that students could use sometimes. That's where I took my dance photos. It was after she didn't want to dance in an embrace with me, and I ghosted her after that night.

Not to mention, since my specific dance was organized by the college, it had more police on patrol than a North Korean military parade. To thwart underage drinking, of course. The atmosphere wasn't relaxing or lively in the slightest.