How to pace a real properly

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So I'm dating this guy who I really like (love, actually, and it's mutual) but I have very little dating experience and he has none. Because his lack of experience and because he respects me he's been letting me decide how things move. It's been about a month and I kissed him for the first time on Thursday.

Given that I'm pacing things, I was talking to him about it, checking in to see is he alright with it, does he like it (which I do every time I do something new - from hugging and cuddling to kissing now) and he said he was and thought it was something he could get into, but he hadn't thought we were at that point yet, so hadn't thought much about it.

Which then made me wonder if I'm moving to fast, and how to figure out what is the right speed.

We're both asexual, and grossed out by PIV sex, so that's not really something we see happening, so that's not really a concern. Other than that though, he's the only person I've ever actually wanted to kiss and cuddle with (and the only person I've enjoyed the experience with) or would be willing to mess around with.

Like idk, any advice? How do you know when it's the right time to do something?

You're not moving too fast.

When there's cuddling, kissing is inevitable.

I would love an answer to this one myself. LOL, and Kraftie, as always, I adore you and your responses. Seriously though, she is right, how do you know to fast is too fast, especially, when it is someone's first time. Mine doesn't say much, so it's hard to gage with him how he feels in where his comfort level is, and it's disconcerting.

Im happy for you guys

No i dont think your moving too fast at all, infact i think you have both naturally done what very few should do, is that you have got to know one another first and naturally finding each others boundaries.. in todays society when you have the likes of Tinder etc so many people are just hooking up for the night without the thought of any future outcome. By keeping the communication open with yourselves it sounds like neither of you are forcing pressure on each other which is commendable .. Just keep up the communication and if/when it does become more serious then it will feel like more of a natural transition than a forced one The first time so to speak can feel a little awkward for both parties but if you know each other well then it becomes easier to laugh at and just like with anything practice makes perfect so to speak ..
There are no rules in love other than to treat and respect each other mutually in all areas. Some take the fast pace and enjoy the short moment experience of the physical and some like to get to know the other person over time first. Its just down to both your personalities and chemistry at the time. NEVER feel forced to do something you dont want to do, even if that means changing your mind at the last second, there is nothing wrong with that and as a partner that does love you will understand that.
Communication is key ( despite how hard it is sometimes ) The more you get used to communicating the more natural it will become. We often fear what the other is thinking or might think but most of the time that is our own insecurities that can create those thoughts and its likely the other individual wasnt even thinking of those things.
Sounds like you got a keeper

For most typical people your age, there isn't any sort of rule regarding how long you should wait before moving to higher levels of intimacy. Barring some sort of religious concern e.g. Mormons, a couple in your situation, who are able to live independently and believe themselves to be in love with each other, would have been having sex (to put it bluntly) almost from the beginning.

The only way intimacy might be delayed is if one partner or the other is unsure of their feelings i.e. do they really want to be with this person or not? In fact, I would say that is the general plot line of most romantic comedies.

So I don't think what you're asking has a "generally accepted" answer. You should probably just do whatever you want to do, and not be concerned what others think. I would think your situation is fairly unusual - asexual, in love, and thinking about intimacy.

It's possible your asexuality manifests differently from your partner's. You should be able to discuss anything with him. I would think you should just ask him what can he imagine doing (and enjoying) with you, then make plans to try it.

@OP, you say have gotten to the point of kissing. But I gather you want to move beyond that. Given that we're talking about levels of intimacy, to what level do you hope to go? (Never mind for now what he wants, what do you want?). So you say you have very little dating experience, I'll hazard a guess that you've never actually wanted to go to a higher level before now, it's uncharted territory for you. In fact, before this relationship began, you may not have even thought you would ever want to go to these higher levels, so you've never seriously thought about it.

It sounds like you're "ready" for more. But it seems that he isn't, for some reason. That's why you ask if you are "going too fast". I can remember being high-school aged and being told by a date that "we're moving too fast" but in reality if today or this weekend is too soon for a particular thing, then 3 months from now will probably also be "too soon". But you are adults so that sort of thinking wouldn't usually apply.

Without knowing more, all I can think of are some non-traditional "ice-breakers" that may get him on board more effectively than the traditional "baseball" model i.e. first base, second base, third base, etc. However, as this is basically about sex even if it's superficially about relationships (which are largely about sex anyway, to a degree that most people won't always admit to) then I can't be more explicit in L&D. Not to assume that you haven't thought about such things yourself.

If your BF has "zero dating experience" then he may just not know what he is missing. His relationship to BDSM is probably limited to fantasizing. Speaking of kissing, I can testify that prolonged, passionate tongue-kissing, even while fully clothed, can be a highly erotic experience. He may just not know how enjoyable physical intimacy with a young lady who loves him could be.