To be in love

Post Reply New Topic

I've been in a relationship for over a year now, and it has occurred to me that I don't know if I'm in love. I know when I love something in the sense that I love my pets and I love eating ice cream, but understanding whether or not I'm actually "in love" with someone is so foreign to me. I haven't had much experience with long-term relationships in the past, which is part of the problem. But I feel like I need to have a doctor do a physical exam, draw blood, run some tests and come back with a conclusive, "Yep, you're in love." Otherwise, how do I know? What if I profess my undying love only to realize a few weeks later that I was wrong and I wasn't really "in love" to begin with?

How does one develop an understanding for an emotion that one's never felt before? It certainly isn't like in the movies when people just "fall in love" with others. Part of me says that I must not be in love because I don't feel like I am, but then I recognize that I don't experience life in quite the same way as others, so I shouldn't discount it entirely.

My first reaction coincides with your last thought... if you have think about it that much you're not in love.

Being in love is sort of like having the flu but in a great way. You may think you're coming down with it, but when it hits you there will be no mistake because it's going to lay you out. It'll be unmistakable.

On the other hand, it's important to not allow external definitions of love affect what you may feel love is or should be. Whenever people start to question if they are 'loving correctly/healthily' they start messing with a thing that must be allowed to proceed unhindered by too much conscious thought. Some people to fall in love like the movies. When I met my ex wife, I fell in love with her by the second time we met. Just completely, head over heels, I want you for life, you're the greatest thing ever sort of love. IT happens.

For some it's a more slow process. I know today, if it were possible for me to be in love, it would be a far more lengthy, slow developing process as my reservations would require that.

Dont rush to place a label on what you are feeling. It's ok to date someone and not be in love. So long as you're not saying you are. Never tell someone you love them unless you are sure of that. Be honest. If you're asked, explain... I'm not sure yet, and elaborate on what you do feel and let them decide and label it for themselves. Otherwise, enjoy someone's company and allow things to continue to unfold so long as you are content with it.

Thanks for the reply. I get so hooked on the minute details, and I expect to reach a certain stage by a certain period of time, especially if I see other people do it. Not because I think that I have to be part of the "in crowd", but I think that's what is what "normal" is.

Understandable, its normal at least in an 'aspie way' to observe and attempt tovimitate when in unfamiliar territory....

But you cannot rush love. Its was worse if you try to and find out, like you say, in a few weeks or months you find put otherwise and run the risk of hurting someone.

Dont force yourself to replicate other peoples relationships withi your own under the idea of trying to make them normal... because their normal may not be what makes you happy. You musy discover what that is for yourself and no on can tell you...