friend wrote:
Emu Egg
Joined: Jun 07, 2005
Posts: 6
Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 9:21 am
Post subject:
---------------
Ha! Now here is one to shock you all.
I am a 58 year old female NT who has just ended a
seven year solid relationship with a 34 year old male
Aspie.
Hmmmmm? Let's see??? My 1/2 Sister Kristen,
and from what I was told married and divorced
a 45 male! She was around 30, he was 45.
I was 24 and she was 37, I was 34 and she was
48 in the end of the relationship. I finally got my
stuff back 2 years later(took a long time and came
in a unaddressed to sender package.) HmmmmmM?
Fascinating!
So a older person relationship isn't unknown to me.
Friend wrote:
Whoa! I know what you are thinking... but don't. Think of Goldie
Hawn 58, not Aunt Bea. Not that I am as fantastic as GH.,
Hmmmmmm? It is hollywood and it's makeup artist. and a
bust tuck helped too! Every see her in the tabloids in
the "as they really look page", Hollywood is good
at making youth look eternal, but then you have the
"Pertnally young Justin Hayward of the Moody Blues,
and of course the mummified and still walking (well
preserved young) Dick Clark at 76. Hmmmmmm?
Makes you wonder!
friend wrote:
I don't have her bucks for enhancement, but I have great
genes on every level and have had no problem attracting
men ever, including now. I have always related well with
people of all ages, my problem is an overabundance of
empathy and a need to heal the world, thus I end up
Florence Nightingale of romance.
Sounds like my 10 year relationship. She was a lawyer
and every "I need help and you have good empathy"
client was attracted to her. She eventually retired as
a lawyer and now is inspiring young people as she
would of wanted to be inspired when she was younger
and in highschool!
friend wrote:
One day by wierd chance I spied a personal ad, man 27
looking for woman 35-55, with very nice sane ( other than
the age) wording, not the usual bs you see in personal ads.
Hmmmm? I always wondered how false those personal ads
realy were?
friend wrote:
Out of curiousity I called and grilled him about his choice
and we ended up in a 2 hr conversation. Like many Aspies
he was intellegent, very articulate and had seemingly rather
mature reasoning and understanding, while at the same
time a somewhat refreshing sort of naivety.
Yep! You hit it on the nail! Odd-relationship NT's are
attracted to Aspie/HFA types because of this nievity.
Even the more experienced ones have this perternal
youth of nievity. I being HFA, have gone through
the gay and straight sects of nievity, and can only
say that my nievity is only matched by my intuitive
intellect to master a situation, though it comes off
a bit juvenile to the female of 30-40.
By 30 the male is suppose to have this home and car
and "support" you attitude. and Oh! Ken is how they
are suppose to be in appearance! RIGHTTTTT!
UH-UH! NOPE! Nievity comes from within and that
is the charm of aspies and HFA's who sexually express
fire in the lack of external expression that is expected
in a NT male. All his fire is in his car, not his heart.
friend wrote:
From the beginning I was very frank with him and told
him I was not going to use him as a plaything for my ego,
I was looking for a long term permanent relationship.
Good objective to strive for!
friend wrote:
He said he was too and that he definately was not interested
in having children ever, his business was his children.
This was the foundation in my 10 year relationship. She has
done that, seen this, and hmmmmmm? Nice tasty empathy
fire seeks firey person of desire. It eventually became
a genuine relationship!~Ooops and 10 years later.
friend wrote:
Over time we bonded nicely by phone, so when we met I thought
his extreme eye blinking and throat clearing was just temporary
nerves from first meeting. I was uncomfortable with the age
difference, but he wasn't bothered at all,
Of course not! It is easier to talk to one of your own kind,
or a older-seeking fire NT. Sex comes later because it doesn't see
barriers!
friend wrote:
was extremely attracted, attentive and was proud to let everyone
know I was his lady. Once upon reaching the intimate level he
broke down and weepingly poured out his heart to me his
difficulties in connecting, that he was a semi virgin til then
True! Intimacy is difficult if you can't express it, nor
have the strength to approach the opportunity.
friend wrote:
( only once before with a paid professional), and all the indignities
and disappointments he suffered thru in his life.
A "Sex Therapist" is a bonafied profession. In the holistic
trade it is a licensed councelor who teaches sexual edicate.
And then there is the hooker.
Which one?
friend wrote:
My heart went out to him totally then, I just wanted to
protect him and help him realize the life that he yearned
for. I thought to myself, everyone has baggage of some
sort, men my age think they are God's gift to themselves
and everyone else, at least it's refreshing to have
someone the opposite.
Isn't nievity great! The fire it contains is potent,
not...arrogant. It's sincereity flows freely.
"I am pist" flow is intense.
"I am happy" flow is Wooow! to the other partner
(just my opinion)
"I am in the void" energy is mystically unusual.
Only once during sex magic did I see myself through
her and actually saw my aura sense others feel.
It was like a void, infinite and always refreshed,
I believe this is where the sexual-autism fire comes
from, and NT are sometimes to attached to there
things they own and don't seem to possess this
fire of "within".
friend wrote:
Over more time, after numerous public embarassments,
strange behavior patterns, and contrary elements that
all of you must be rather farmiliar with in some sort of
way without mentioning in detail, I begain to wonder what
I really got myself into.
I can relate, this is probly what she was thinking,
but if you play with matches you probly enjoy it's
fire, but not always. Too much of anything is bad.
friend wrote:
But throwing in the towel made me cringe at the thought
of creating another terrible hurt for him to suffer. He was a
very kind, gentle and sensitive person who obviously had
problems that seemed somehow a glitch rather than
purposeful, and was unhappy and beating himself up about it.
I can see this! I am my worst enemy! and Beating myself
up is soooo!! easy!
friend wrote:
At this point, I suspected he might have Tourette's. I did
research, finding a copy of the Am Psych Diagnostic Manual.
He fit all of the criteria, but still there was something more...
Wading around in the manual was fascinating, I was always
interested in what makes people tick. Then later, reading on
again I came across Asperger's and my jaw dropped! He is a
textbook example.
But remember there is also HFA, and PDD-NOS, so let's not
be hasty in pickiing words! Anyways go on....This is refreshiing
and intriguing!
friend wrote:
It was a great relief and help to have a handle on it,but I
was wondering if and how to broach it with him. I knew it
could be either good or bad depending on how to do it
correctly. Then I found this web site and managed to just
sneak in and got to a forum where you were all dicussing
with someone new just that.
Discussing what?
friend wrote:
After 7 years I'm very close with his family, his mom and dad
love me and are always telling me that I am wonderful for him,
that he has bloomed and become a new person because of me.
My grandmother didn't know about this other person, but
except that she was a lawyer and has done legal things
for my Grandmother.
One of my favorite lines was "Your not just the family lawyer,
(during those 10 years) you have experienced the family genes"
Chuckle! AND .....I meant it!
friend wrote:
So considering that his mother is a top professional in the field
of Special Ed, I presented my findings to her and she agreed.
She said she had the same reaction when she first got the info.
However she says she thinks he is mild, not "full blown". I think
she is ostriching.
Hmmmmmm? slight dramatic pause.....!
In my opinion, most parents ostrich in one way
or another. Do you have kids? If so, then
you have probly done this too!
friend wrote:
I think you either are or you aren't and degree is not
as important as how you deal with it, just like everything
else in life. I'm a real half full glass sort of a person;
• understand best you can,
• do the best that you can,
• accomodate
• don't browbeat
this relates to sexual, non-sexual, and work
relationships. The Autistic person is too!
sincere and easily vulnerable as I have
recently found out in Reno and known
most of my life. And this is why I need
to be careful in my next job selection.
friend wrote:
what you can't and don't worry about what people
think, as long as you don't hurt anyone. Anyway, we
both agreed that it would be best for her to approach
it to him.
Ok.....! and.....
[qutoe="friend"]
Only problem is, she never did. She just kept putting it
off, her method in which she approached his entire upbringing.
I was put in a opposite position. She needed time
for her dreams and goals after nuturing others.
showed up. After numerous calls to her, I got my
stuff back after 2 years of silence.
with her now. I was deeply hurt and didn't express
my sexuality for 5 years. Deeply wounded I retreated
into my darkness. It wasn't until WrongPlanet was I able
to discuss this. Thus thanks "friend" and WrongPlanet.
The hardest part is that it doesn't really heal. A sincere,
relationship cuts deeper than "Oooh! Baby! Oh!'ism".
silence. It may be deep, but it had to be expressed.
04 Jul 2005, 1:51 pm
