Going to take a risk and ask out a stranger

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Well not a stranger exactly. There is this cute girl who works at the donut shop I sometimes go to. We've chatted once or twice when she was working the counter, and I've decided to get out of my comfort zone. Tomorrow I'm going to go there for breakfast, and if she's there, I'm going to invite her to the movies - It's A Wonderful Life is playing this Sunday.

I don't know if it's a good idea or a terrible one. I'm so inept that I worry that I have no business trying to ask out anyone, let alone someone I've hardly met.

We'll see. It'l probably end in humiliation, like all the other times. But should I take the risk if I'm most likely going to fail and damage my self confidence?

Good Luck.

I hope she likes opera.

Have you thought about getting to know her a bit before. I mean if you are anxious and ask her so early on you might come across as being a little desperate. I would try to get reasonably close to someone I know before making those arrangements.

It sound like she may enjoy being around her. But I would recomend trying to talk a bit more plus getting to know her. You might have a real opportunity here best not to throw it away.

I mean, I've gotta ask her out to get to know her. Because we don't see each other otherwise, except when I stop in the shop. I can't talk to her at the counter for fifteen minutes...

Sometimes just being their and having quick casual conversations may be the way to go. You could always try to strike up something small to talk about rather than quickly moving into this area.

But then again I have had little experience in this area.

What's the risk? And why have other times you've asked girls out resulted in humiliation? Did they mock you and do something to bring attention or did they just say no or say something else that isn't humiliating?

Go for it, My Friend.

Again...I hope you and her have something in common.

Honestly I would not do it - but I am curious what she will respond in your case.

I just couldn't do it. I didn't even go to the shop. I decided it wasn't right for me to do that to her, and I just couldn't stand the embarassment if she rejected me. I think if I had asked her, I probably would've made things awkward and maybe ruined her day, and I just hate the idea that I could do that. I never, ever want to hurt anyone, and if that means avoiding them, so be it.

Alex asked why I think there is risk? Because it just hurts too darn much to be rejected time after time and left wondering if I'm ever going to find anyone who would accept me. I guess I'd rather be left wondering that maybe I had a chance, than take the chance and discover I never did, that I'm not worthy and undesirable. I'd like to maintain the slimmest illusion I have now that I do have value.

I know what others will tell:
"What are you gonna lose?"
"Go for it!"
"You will never find out unless you ask!"


As for me, I tell you this:

You did the logical thing, she is a stranger - and I bet 100% that it will NOT work; unless maybe you are physically drop dead handsome.

But seriously if this was a different scenario, like you know the girl for a while and members in same club...etc I would have told you to go for it... but this? It's not worth to risk losing face.

What drives me nuts is I see so many people out there I want to know. I wish it were as simple as, "Hey you caught my eye, and I'd like to know you." I wish. Because it drives me nuts that I think I could be staring at the person I will spend the rest of my life with, and I don't know how in the hell I should approach her. Or anybody, for that matter.

I found the bolder part interesting. If you don't approach them, then by definition that assumption has been proved wrong. And if I was going to beat myself up, don't do it over something that is demonstrably wrong. If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be. What you can do, and what you are doing, is observing your emotions. Even if it's regret at not having approach someone may be an insight that eventually pushes you to approach in the future. So the way I see it is, a girl that catches your eye is either Ms Right, or she's practise for when you do meet Ms Right. Similarly, you don't know these people well enough to assume they'd be good partners, or even good enough for you.

It's a bit of a testament that you can listen to a fellow poster tell you that (if you weren't incredibly handsome) they'd bet on you had zero chance whatsoever with this girl and be seemingly cool with it. It's not very constructive though, I don't think. I'm confident that the vast majority of handsome men have encountered at some point anyway, but isn't the whole point of your anguish is that you have of encountering that same rejection? "Not worth the risk of losing face"? That's a problem right there - caring too much about somebody's opinion of you.

Is the feelings you're going through right now worth it? It could be just feeding unfounded negative assumptions. I mean despite what you imply, it may very well be as simple as saying "Hey you caught my eye, and I'd like to know you." Who says it doesn't? You would learn more from using that line consistently and over a certain period of time then you would trying to "the perfect pick up line".

This is all from someone who now would never see approaching strangers on the street as my "sole saviour" to finding a woman. There's much more straightforward ways, as The Face Of Boo has pointed out. But anything is better than doing nothing at all. Just don't think you have to be perfect or even have to live up to other people's standards, if approaching strangers is the route you'd like to take. It's quite fun and exciting once you get the hang of it.

Anyway, I do wish you the best in your endeavours.

What do you mean "do something to HER?" You're not a bad guy. You're not doing ANYTHING to her by asking her out. I don't get why you would say that.

It's not like you're forcing her to do anything.

The trouble I see is that she might not have much in common with you.

You seem to be a man of aesthetic refinement; she doesn't seem that way. She might not appreciate you fully.

Maybe you can take comfort in knowing there are many people in this world that feel the same way so if you happen to find one of these people they will appreciate your company as much as you would theirs even if we do a poor job facilitating that appreciation. This loneliness can sometimes feel unbearable, but there is always tomorrow and with tomorrow brings new opportunities.

Statistically most relationships start through socialization (friend of friend), or via work (coworker) or via family, online comes behind.

Asking out a stranger that happens to work as cashier or whatever in some shop? Even comes way behind....it's something that works only in movies especially for average guys - it's not how couples meet.

Her answer will be an automatic no.

About 30 years ago, I asked out a girl who worked at an eyeglass place---and she said yes!