Advice for an NT

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Hi, I appreciate any help out there. I have been dating a guy (almost 5 months now) that I have suspected for some time has some form of aspergers. In short here are a few behaviors that seem to have given me this impression..

1) It took him a couple of months to carry on eye contact with me.
2) He has admittedly told me that he isn't very empathetic.
3) When we walk together on the street, he'll walk a few steps ahead of me and not next to me (I'm not an unusually slow walker or anything.)
4) Sometimes I will ask him a question and he just won't answer it (Not anything particularly important, but he could just make a joke or draw the attention away if he doesn't want to answer.)
5) I am often sarcastic and I feel like he never seems to understand when I'm joking around in a sarcastic manner.
6) I can be at his house and he'll be very side tracked or distracted by something else, as if I'm not even there. Although he eventually settles down, he seems to be intensely invested in what's on his mind.

These are just a couple of things. Are they behaviors that you find relevant to yourself?

I really am crazy about him and I'm just trying to understand him, but I find that I don't know how to communicate with him. I usually will see him about once a week, which is nice, although I'd like to see him more. We also don't talk much when we're not physically together. I'm not one for small talk and I get the feeling that isn't really either so this is okay, but once in a while it would be nice to hear from him. I don't mind taking the initiative in communicating with him but because he doesn't make an effort to communicate with me, it feels like I'm just bothering him.

It is difficult to differentiate whether or not this is just the way that he is, or that he's not really so interested in me. Again, I'm really just trying to understand him.

Do you have any advice on better ways of communicating with him? Or, how I can approach him about the two of us improving on our communication? Or any advice in general that could be helpful for my situation to maybe understand him better or what I can do on my end to move things along? Thanks so much.

Hi I'm NT too, so can only give my perspective from another person in a friendship/relationship with a lovely Aspie guy. Many of the things you say I recognise. Especially the lack of wanting small talk, the not needing to meet as often as you might expect, and the being happy doing their own thing even when you are visiting. Our big issue has been the not discussing emotions.

My advice is read everything you can. I found particularly helpful 22 things a women should know,if she loves a man with aspergers by Rudy Simone. In fact I often go back to it, when I am having difficulties understanding our relationship. I also found " how to talk to your Aspie" by Amanda J Harrington very helpful. The following paragraph made me smile and say "aha I recognise this" . . . . ."Feelings are all very well, but even if your aspie could explain them, why should they? Feelings get in the way of every single thing! They make life difficult, they make you do things you don’t want to or get you upset when you can’t do something. They are a big pig in the middle of the road and there is no ignoring them. The last thing aspies want to do is have to talk about them too. Cue a wailing sound and flailing of arms as your aspie runs from the room. The slamming of a distant door tells you that Feelings will not be discussed today."

Don't ask other NTs without experience of aspergers for advice. They will almost always say that you are being a fool and that your friend is "obviously not that into you"

Hope that helps, sure there are people much better qualified than me to answer your question but just thought I would offer my thoughts. Take care

Yea! It is funny you say so because in the past few weeks I have gotten very frustrated discussing him with my friends. I don't even want them to ask me about it because it feels like they're silently judging when only I know/understand him and our relationship. It's the reason I came to this forum because I needed some kind of support.

I also have a therapist who agrees in a lot of my assessments but of course she can't formally diagnose him without meeting him. She's supportive and understanding of the relationship at least.

I've heard about the first book and I will definitely take a look at them. Thank you for the recommendations i