How do you like to treat your feelings?

Page 1 of 2 [ 22 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next


Are romantic feelings better off kept to oneself or out in the open?
Private 63%  63%  [ 24 ]
Open 37%  37%  [ 14 ]
Total votes : 38

violentcloud
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Dec 2005
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,491
Location: Cambridge

08 May 2007, 2:00 am

I had a fairly interesting chat with g0thgir1danie11e about this issue: If one has romantic feelings towards someone, is it better to make them known (and thereby being able to find out if the feelings are mutual, but risking rejection or harming a friendship), or to withhold them unless the person in question first raises the topic (thereby avoiding rejection, but not knowing if they have similar feelings, and ultimately suffering in silence)?

Personally, I don't believe in sharing this sort of thing. I've tried in the past and it came back to bite me with such force that I am still in denial of most of my time at secondary school.



Starbuline
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Sep 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,577
Location: .....Russia

08 May 2007, 2:03 am

I agree with you completely. For me, being open about my feelings have just gotten me disappointed. I was better of keeping them to myself.



calandale
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Mar 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,439

08 May 2007, 2:13 am

I think that it's better to reveal,
but I too have often been harmed
by doing so. SOMEONE has to take
the chance, after all. The problem
lies in being inept. But those whom
I am likely to desire most, are also
likely to be inept.

So far though, I think it's always
failed for me. Stupid optimist that
I am.



Danielismyname
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Apr 2007
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,565

08 May 2007, 3:32 am

The truth only hurts when you’re lying; to "them" or to "you", it doesn't matter.

(Though...supposedly I'm emotionally acute and intellectually obtuse; the truth never harms me, lies cut me; withholding information is in that fuzzy grey area of bruises. :? )



girl7000
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Mar 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 659
Location: Somewhere in the Atlantic

08 May 2007, 3:34 am

violentcloud wrote:
I had a fairly interesting chat with g0thgir1danie11e about this issue: If one has romantic feelings towards someone, is it better to make them known (and thereby being able to find out if the feelings are mutual, but risking rejection or harming a friendship), or to withhold them unless the person in question first raises the topic (thereby avoiding rejection, but not knowing if they have similar feelings, and ultimately suffering in silence)?


I tend to do the latter. There are good reasons for and against both options, but I've been hurt too much and am scared of humiliation too, so I tend to keep feelings to myself and leave the other person to initiate (or not).



GenericBrandUserName
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 14 Nov 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 261
Location: Southeast Texas

08 May 2007, 11:05 am

Eh, I don't go out of my way to express such feelings anymore. Tried it before. Backfired. About the only way I'll ever express my feelings is if I feel like someone's a douche, a jerk, an as*hole, a f**kup, etc. :D



Sopho
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Apr 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 10,859

08 May 2007, 11:25 am

I keep it to myself. I have a terrible fear of rejection.
I've never actually told anyone I liked that I liked them.



Kosmonaut
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Sep 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,253

08 May 2007, 12:36 pm

i have no idea what the thread question means.
i do not talk about feelings. ever. so i think i will vote for the top option.

edit: i have told people i like them before, i have no problems, so i dont know :? :?



AdrianB
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 12 Apr 2007
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 291

08 May 2007, 1:55 pm

Open, 100% sure.
Imho, you should always be as open as possible with your feelings for another person.
BUT: You must do it on the right moment.

Wrong timing is a killer.



MrSinister
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Oct 2006
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,560
Location: England

08 May 2007, 2:35 pm

Keeping those sorts of feelings locked away is the only way I'll ever maintain any sort of sanity.

Wearing my heart on my sleeve has only resulted in it being turned into a kind of emotional pin-cushion...


_________________
Why so serious?


g0thgir1danie11e
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 25 Apr 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 31
Location: Brighton, England

09 May 2007, 2:15 pm

I tend to take the approach of telling people. Sure, it's caused me upset and humiliation, but I don't care because when it pays off it's worth it. Also, I'm not sure that the immediate unhappiness of rejection is any greater than the lasting depression of having feelings for someone and never giving it a chance. Also, with my tendancy to obsess, it's better to get the possibility out of my mind through a failed attempt rather than to hang onto hopes that will turn out to be false anyway. In the case of friends it's a little different, but I still think it's best to find out sooner than later because the longer you keep the feelings secret, the more energy you invest in them, which may turn out to be a mistake.


_________________
'To conform is to aspire to be mediocre'~ me.


MrSinister
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Oct 2006
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,560
Location: England

09 May 2007, 3:53 pm

g0thgir1danie11e wrote:
Also, with my tendancy to obsess, it's better to get the possibility out of my mind through a failed attempt rather than to hang onto hopes that will turn out to be false anyway. In the case of friends it's a little different, but I still think it's best to find out sooner than later because the longer you keep the feelings secret, the more energy you invest in them, which may turn out to be a mistake.


Up until last year, I'd have agreed with you on that. Prior to that, I had the happy distinction of being able to forget about hopeless endeavours almost completely once I'd just got them out of the way.

Right now I'd kill to be able to do that :(


_________________
Why so serious?


Veresae
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2006
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,023

09 May 2007, 7:50 pm

It depends on how severe the feelings are. There's a way to reveal tactfully, or to make it obvious without overtly stating it. Personally I tend to just expect that I'll be rejected because it's what's always happened...best case scenario, neither of you have to directly say it, because the both of you are SHOWING it.



Graelwyn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Dec 2006
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,601
Location: Hants, Uk

09 May 2007, 10:40 pm

Depends on the situation really. Times, I have said nothing. Other times, mostly, I hint rather than saying directly and hope that by some miracle, the hints are picked up on. I seem prone to take just about any route but the direct one if I like someone.



DejaQ
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,719
Location: The Silver Devastation

10 May 2007, 2:15 pm

I've taken steps towards being open before, but they've failed, so I've basically decided there's no real point.



violentcloud
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Dec 2005
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,491
Location: Cambridge

10 May 2007, 11:39 pm

Graelwyn wrote:
Depends on the situation really. Times, I have said nothing. Other times, mostly, I hint rather than saying directly and hope that by some miracle, the hints are picked up on. I seem prone to take just about any route but the direct one if I like someone.


I can associate with that. People have called me "cryptic" for talking almost entirely in subtle hints at times.