I'm in a somewhat similar situation. We've been together for 12 years, but at times it's been a big struggle. My partner has really gone all in, taken a lot of responsibility for practical and financial matters, been flexible with me, read up on Asperger and made serious attempts at understanding me and weathering my limits, like my lack of logical though, non-existant stress mastery, lack of trouble solving skills, etc. He loves me, but particularly because of my lack of logical thought, he doesn't trust me, and that creates a lot of anxiety for me. Today, I'm a complete nerve wreck. I feel inadequate and lost, and like you, I long for freedom, a simpler existence. My partner has understood this, and is heartbroken because I do not appreciate the effort he has poured into our relationship the past 12 years, and because I am ready to "throw it away" so quickly. But to me, an end feels inevitable, because I can't imagine being able to ever become someone he can trust. I feel tiny and crippled. In my mind, he'd do better with someone more capable who'll be more like him and who shares his brilliant, raw, logical brainpower, and I would be able to find a place to heal and rediscover happiness by scaling down the world around me, eliminating stress factors, and living on terms that are less tiresome. I feel bad about it, though, like I'm a coward.
Anyway, what I wanted to say was "I feel ya".
31 Oct 2016, 7:42 am
