Does she really like me?

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A couple weeks ago, I was over the moon happy because a girl finally decided she wanted to date me. She has asperger's too, so I thought that would help us bond or something, since we both know what we're both going through. Over the past fourteen days, though, I've really started to wonder if she actually likes me or not.

For one thing, she never texts me first. Every morning I'll send the first text ("Good morning, beautiful!") and then she'll reply with one word ("Morning.") Then I'll send her another ("How are you?"), and she'll reply with one word ("Fine"). And it'll keep going like that. I'll ask her open ended questions and get one or two word answers. If I never texted her, I get the feeling we could go days without actually saying a word to each other. And even when we're talking over the phone or in person, she seems really hesitant to talk. Like, I've gotten her to elaborate a bit on a couple subjects, but mostly it's me talking to her. When I stop to let her say something, the line is completely silent. I try to bring up things we're both into, like books and video games, but I get nothing in return. Maybe she just isn't that great of a conversationalist, but I feel like if she liked me she'd be more eager to have real conversations with me.

She doesn't let me touch her at all. I don't expect to be making out and having sex on the first date, but she won't let me hug her or even hold her hand. I tried telling her she's pretty, but that makes her uncomfortable. She says I'm moving too fast. How can I show affection to my girlfriend if everything I do scares her?

She doesn't seem to like spending time with me, either.. We've gone on three dates so far, and every time I keep getting the feeling that she's trying to get away from me. Last week we went to the Chinese buffet, were done in less than half an hour, and then she just wanted to leave. I told her we're dating, I really like being with her, I wanted to spend more time with her, and eventually I convinced her to go minigolfing with me. Then today we met at the library and talked about books for about half an hour, and then she said she wanted to go home. Again, I really wanted to spend more time with her, so we went and got an ice cream, but I still feel like I had to twist her arm to agree, you know?

I talked to her roommate about it, since she's the one who introduced us and she knows Kristin really well, and she insists that she really does like me. If she didn't, she wouldn't agree to go out with me at all. I just need to take things, really, really, reeeeally slow. She says we're both just as clueless as the other in this, so neither of us know exactly how to go about this. But I have Aspergers, so reading people can be really hard for me. I'm really confused, because all the signs I'm getting from her tell me she doesn't really like me?

So what do I do? Keep going until she just comes out and says she doesn't like me? Break up with her preemptively? What if she really does like me? How can I tell? And how can we grow a relationship out of this when she refuses to let me show my affection?

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I am sorry, very sorry.

Tbh I would say it's part of the aspie in some of us ladies. When I first started going out with my so I NEVER sent a message first because it just never occurred to me. Even now my fiancee is always the first one to send good mornine even if I'm awake first because I don't wake up and think to do it.

It sounds to me like she is really used to spending time alone on her interests. Talking to her friend was a good move and is reasduring. Maybe your gf is more severe than you??

Boo you cannot judge every situation the same you cannot read women's minds so don't know what they are thinking

Male or female, I think more aspies need to show signs they actually enjoy another person's company instead of being so standoffish.

You are correct Adam in your deduction that she is showing signals she does not like you.

If she's an aspie, then of course maybe she might not be as receptive to touch, maybe she doesn't text first ever because that's just the way she is, maybe she does like you but is quiet and isn't actually interested in much conversation in general at all. Maybe she does have trouble expressing how she feels. Maybe she has no idea what she's doing, what to say, etc.

That's all fine.

What's NOT okay is not even trying and giving no signs whatsoever you enjoy being around them.

My ex-girlfriend was the same as yours (not aspie, but ND in other ways) and like you I felt very unloved.

She gave NO signs she was interested back and I'm afraid I was right because she dumped me after 12 days.

All I ever really wanted/needed to feel comfortable, assured and to stop worrying she did not like me was for her to say "I enjoy spending time with you."

That is my advice to you, OP.

You said you did this very thing and was honest to her and said "I really like you and like spending time with you." and tried to pry the same honesty out of her, to no avail.

It appears you girlfriend is comfortable telling her friend this but not you to your face.

If you are still with her in a few weeks, which is at the point where she may be more receptive to opening herself up and letting down her walls a little more, I suggest you politely say to your girlfriend you are worried she doesn't like you and you need her to reassure you to make you feel at ease.

Again, if you are comfortable with taking it slow, then tell her the kissing, affection, lovey-dovey nonsense can wait, but do tell her to feel at ease you want her to at least say "This was fun. I'd like to see you again sometime soon" at the end of a date.

As I've said, a partner doesn't have to shout from the rooftops and kiss and hug you everytime they see you, but they have to give you SOMETHING to know your company is welcome.

Good luck.

It's not so much that, it's that, even when you first started dating him, if he didn't message you for a whole week or so, eventually you probably would have messaged first even just to say "Hey, it's been a while since I heard from you."

A man or woman who wouldn't message their S.O. even if they haven't seen or heard from them at all in over 2 weeks is very unlikely to still be interested in you.

Can you say with certainty it STILL would have never crossed your mind if even in the beginning of the relationship he did not message you for two weeks?

Most people, if they are interested, eventually would take the initiative if the other can't. For all we know the other person is in trouble.

Most people don't assume "They haven't messaged in two weeks, that means they aren't interested" without deciding to send a message themselves first.

Most people, even most aspies, would be curious.

Slow it down, you've only been dating 14 days and it sounds like this is both of yours first relationship. She has agreed to be in a relationship with you as you've said so she does like you. Give her a couple more weeks.

Not liking compliments is a product of low self esteem.

Wanting to get out of public is relatable. Maybe try hanging out with her in a more casual setting.

Honestly if you never ever initiated anything even if he disappears for 2 days or so, then honestly I think you didn't like your SO enough back then - or you were hoping for better options.

No amount of Aspiness, level of busy or girl-psychology/self-esteem/cultural justifications and reasons would convince me that a girl who likes the guy wouldn't occur in her mind to text him for like at least once a week, especially if he goes radio silent for some days; I mean he may be sick or dead... wouldn't she at least care enough to know he's still breathing?

It just takes less than a minute to tap on someone's name and send a Hi/Good morning/evening/how are you doing...etc.
You can even do it while pooping if you are too busy in life - no amount of excuses would convince me otherwise.

You make it sound as if I am imposing a huge expectation on women; as if it's something that takes tremendous effort:
"Boo is expecting from a girl he dates to invest 1 min of her to text him first.
Boo is expecting from the girl he dates that she at least cares enough to know he's still living.
Boo is so entitled, Boo is an evil macho guy."
Wow.

It is the minimum of the minimum human expectation from a partner or someone I am dating is.... to miss me once in a while at least or to the have the least caring to check if I am
ok.
Otherwise this is not a relationship.

People are fickle.

She may have agreed to be in a relationship with him but like you said, it's only been 14 days.

Think of all the 'relationships' in high school that lasted a few days because the other person changed their mind.

When I got back with my ex, day 1 she realized she had made a mistake and dumped me once again about 3 days later.

Hopefully people are less fickle in adulthood, but I will choose to strongly not think so.

OP, you should always remain vigilant.

In the first 1-3 months, you could be dumped at ANY time for any half-a55ed excuse of a reason, no matter what you do.

Don't set yourself up for disappointment.

Try to make things work with her, hope for the best but expect the worst.

How dare you.

You are not entitled to anything Boo, of course!

And I'm not either!

We aren't entitled for stranger women to give us the time of day, we arent even entitled the time of day from our girlfriend of 6 years or our wives of 10!

Haven't you learnt this by now?

Son, I am disappoint.

OP definitely isn't entitled to a woman he's been dating for 2 weeks to say "I had fun today, but need to leave. I hope to see you again soon." which takes 10 seconds to say and can be said in one breath.

This is demanding too much of her and pressuring her, that creeper.

/s

Wow really twisting my words here. I simply meant that we don't know what she is thinking at the moment.

And it wasn't that I didn't like him enough it was that it was my first relationship and I had no f*****g clue how to deal with it! I had literally just recovered from talking to NOONE apart from my family. this inculdes not talking to people on the net so I did not know the proper conduct.

You sit there thinking I think your entitled when honestly I couldn't give a flying f**k I just don't like to judge a person before we have the whole story.

Could you imagine if he broke up with her preemptively because of what a load of strangers on the internet say and it turned out there was something going on! I agree she has been a bit stand offish but considering what her friend says (ya know the person who knows her well) maybe the girl deserves a ltitle bit of consideration before he breaks up with her.

Maybe you give up on people too easily and don't realise that everyone in the world is deeply flawed and not every situation has a yes or no answer. But I don't know you irl so I could be wrong

Yeah. I have a feeling that even if breaking up with her is the best option, I'm going to have a hard time doing it. Finding a woman who was willing to even try dating me was a freaking miracle, and a once in a lifetime thing. I'm not naive enough to think something like that'll happen to me twice. So it's either this, or nothing at all.

I don't think you should break up with her at all. Give her a chance and heed my advice of politely asking her if she can verbally express she enjoys your company because it would put you at ease. Do this only if she is still the same way in a few weeks.

Don't get too paranoid about my 'pessimism', I'm only warning you.

Anyway, at the same time being too stressed and anxious she will dump you at any time can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Then again, in my own experiences my attitude never made a difference with crushes and girlfriends. Optimistic, pessimistic or realistic, I'd just end up rejected and hurt as usual.

Don't beat yourself up if things don't work out (of which I am neutral here and believe things can go either way), it's not always your fault and you may have had nothing to do with it.

I'm not sure what's worse - it was your own fault, or not at all.

At least if you made a mistake you can learn from it and improve despite feeling guilt or regret, if you are rejected or dumped and it wasn't your fault then there's no way to 'do better next time' which means you won't grow and improve as a person.

.

Outrider makes good points. It was similar to what I was getting at that you need to talk and give her a chance instead fo just breaking up with her.

Yeah, I'm not giving up just yet. Maybe I'm just a cynic, but when I get it in my head that something might go wrong, I start assuming that it will go wrong.

Look, just stop contacting her for a couple of days and see what happens. I know it's not easy but this is the final test you should do to avoid 'what if' and regret thoughts later.

After that, if she still doesn't message you first, message her and see if she would react any differently, like 'where have you been??' - if it still just one word then no....you would be 100% sure that she doesn't like you.

Alliekit said that her AS might be more severe than you, but if she has it that muchsevere then maybe she is not yet ready for any kind of romantic relationship.

This feels totally normal to me. Relax, and don't let silence bother you. Stop making useless small-talk. Also stop sending her useless texts, and if you need to text, write something deep that gets her attention and makes her want to give you a meaningful answer.