Is my girlfriend too much about money?

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My girlfriend and I have been dating for two and a half years now. We almost got engaged but some things have happened earlier this year, which made me cautious and she is acting different. Lately she has been inviting me to a lot of friends and family functions. Lots of birthdays mostly. However, I feel that I do not want to pay for dinner anymore, cause it has been too much money spent, and I would like a break. However, she got mad when I told her this and she now says that she and her family will feel rejected if I do not come to her brother's birthday dinner and pay for her as well.

It's just eating out can get quite expensive, especially with some of the restaurants people are choosing. Do I have the right not to come in order to save money, if I have been doing it too much, or is it my responsibility to come to her friend's and family's dinner invitations and pay for both of us, to be a good boyfriend? She says if I don't go to this one, that her family will possibly get a bad impression of me.

Well I suggested that for our anniversary, I cook her dinner myself. That way we will not have to eat out. She said that she thinks for an anniversary we should go out, for such an occasion. I named some places to go to dance after we have dinner. She said she didn't want to go dancing and wanted to go out to an actual place for dinner, and not just dance later on only.

She says it's okay for me not to want to eat out and spend as money. She is fine for me saving up money she says. But she says once in a while such as this one, you should spend some money to showy you love your gf, such as this type of occasion. She says she is supportive of me wanting to save money, but an anniversary is the wrong time to do it.

She says that my surprise of making her dinner is not romantic. She says that since we would be doing it at her place, since she lives alone, she would have to do most of the work cause she knows where everything is and what not. She also said it's not romantic, cause I am doing it to save money, and not out of romance. She said it's not romantic when your girlfriend is only worth 15 dollars in groceries, compared to her friends, who's boyfriends have no problems taking them out cause they consider them worth it.


Me and my girlfriend went to the movies. I felt like perhaps I have been paying for her too much lately, and feel I need to not spend as much money, and perhaps she could contribute some, with all due respect of course .

So I asked her if we could go dutch this time. She said sure no problem, and bought her own ticket. Later when the movie ended, she said she hated it and was a complete of waist of her money, which she could have used for better things, as she put it.

My best friend, about an hour later, texted us, saying he was going to a late showing of a movie, and wanted to know if we could come. I said I just came from a movie and wasn't felling like another one, but she wanted to go anyway, and asked if she could go with him, if he picked her up. I said I guess so, sure.

She told him though, that she could not afford it, now that she thinks about it, and he offered to pay, so she was fine with going then. I wonder if she was implying that I was cheap, just maybe, or perhaps I am reading it wrong, and it's no big deal. It just seemed strange.

However, we came close to getting married and talked about it a lot. Things have been going really well, accept for this one section of our relationship, but for the last few months it's been going good and she said it was just a phase cause of some other personal problems we have been having. But she hasn't had any problems lately, but.. maybe... just maybe.. she is keeping cool because we kept talking about getting married by the end of this year, but her behavior earlier this year, scared me to be honest.

What do you think? I am I been too cheap or money cautious? She does get me a lot of stuff, but I tell her not too, and that she spends too much on me sometimes and it's not neceessary. But the gestures are sweet. What do you think?

I did have a talk with her though, and so far these problems have not come up again for quite a few months. She asked me to help pay for her dentist bills since she couldn't afford it, and I helped her out. But she then wanted me to pay for some other bills but I kind of said no, and put my foot down, saying that I will help with some things once in a while, but not everything she needs.

Now she says she needs help and has been borrowing money from her ex-boyfriend to help pay off her debts.

Basically her and her ex, had a business when they were together, she left him, and now lost a lot of money in the business cause she chose to leave, and she is in debt now. I am not lawyer or business expert, so I am not sure how that all works. But she is in debt now, and has been borrowing money from the same ex to pay her bills now, and she asked me if it's okay with me, if she sells the promise ring I gave her to get more money cause she needs it, since I won't help.

What do you think?

It really sounds like your girlfriend is using you as well as her ex. She seems she has poor money skills and it was a sweet gesture you offered to cook for your anniversary. The best gifts are the ones you make yourself.

But it seems that your girlfriend doesn't respect you and is selfish to expect you to go out to dinner all the time and pay for it. It's OK for special occasions but you shouldn't have to go out all the time.

You need to communicate with your girlfriend that you are not happy with footing the bill all the time and you are not a walking, talking ATM machine, but if she still gets aggro, it is best to dump her and move on.

Oh dear. I would be ashamed to behave the way she is behaving. This story makes me feel sad.

Do you love her? Why do you stay? I've seen a few of your posts and it seems like a very difficult relationship.

How much exactly is she insisting you guys eat out? I mean it is true it is nice to eat out on special occasions or just as a treat once in a while....but sounds like she thinks once in a while means once or more times a week at minimum. Me and my boyfriend have been having to budget and haven't gone out to eat in months, but we've been making the best of it. Also I feel like after two years it is a little weird if she always makes you pay for her I'd think by now pooling funds together would be a more regular thing by that point.

plus a lot of times home cooked food is better than anything you'll get at a restaurant.

Haven't you already posted this before 0.o

I might have posted the first part of the problems before, but now things have changed. She seems cool with not wanting to eat out now for the last few months. But now there are these debt issues with the ex and wanting to sell my promise ring.

I don't think she should ask you to pay her dentist bills.

I hope this isn't too tough to read: If her ex is paying bills for her, consider that she might be sleeping with him on the side, or at least flirting with him. This seems to be a common trick for some people.

I'm not an expert about relationships (I avoid them like the plague!), but it seems like even if you love each other, you have differing opinions on money, something that is so important in a marriage especially if you have children. This kind of tension would likely stick with you for the whole marriage.

What is a promise ring?

Selling the promise ring would be the deal breaker for me.
Selling the ring because you won't help her?
What kind of promise is that?
"I promise to love you until the money runs out."

I didn't have time to read everything - just about the anniversary dinner part. How she acts now is going to tell you how she will be if you have any financial difficulties in the future once you are married. I would LOVE my Hunny to cook me dinner, have candlelight, maybe dance, watch a good movie. I'm a homebody though - so I'd much prefer that even if there weren't any money problems. However, she knows you need to save money and should be more caring about that. You'd have a problem if you were married in regards to this matter. From your past experiences with her and your money, I think she thinks your money is her money too and not OUR money.

Huh. I just read Raleigh's post and I'm going to have to make sure I read the rest when I have time.

Sounds to be a little much to me as well. Especially if you're being expected to go out to more expensive place for her families thing, THATS where she should be paying at least her part, because it's HER families event. IF she were not dating someone, who would pay for it? If that were happening, then you'd have the money to take her out for your anniversary if that what she really wants. But to expect both is alot. There is nothing wrong with spending on your woman for your anniversary or another special occasion, but sounds like you probably pay for may things alot of the time for her already... which isn't the best thing if you cant afford it.

It's sounds like she's running both you and her ex and is far more concerned about material things than you are. I would say you're not a good match and considering that getting married is about merging your values with someone else (especially financial values, because you will end up sharing the financial responsibility of running a household together) that getting married to someone with whom you have different ideas of reasonable spending is a bad idea that is bound to not end well.

Also, threatening to sell jewellery you gave her, especially something like a promise ring, is just mean and inconsiderate. It seems like money means more to her than your feelings.

I think she's playing you----stringing you along----manipulating you.....

Buying you little things, when you told her to stop = stringing you along, to keep you happy.

Her asking you could she sell the promise ring = playing you / playing on your heart strings, figuring you wouldn't want that, passive-aggressively giving you an ultimatum / controlling you / manipulating you.

Manipulating your best friend and her ex.....

Sounds like narcissism, to ME!!

Dude, you already asked us about the movie problem in your last thread. I'm not answering that again. Next problem...... (reading more)

OMG. That's all I can say. The dentist bills, her other bills, her ex involved, AND the promise ring you gave her? Dude. She'd sell her f'n wedding ring if it came down to it. You need to see her for what she is. I'm done here. Goodluck to you cause you will need it.