I have my first date coming up and I don't know what to do..

Page 1 of 1 [ 16 posts ] 

ParallaxDG
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 22 Oct 2016
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 7
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada

27 Nov 2016, 11:45 pm

Hi guys, the last week has been a wild ride for me. I went from feeling so low and depressed to actually getting a date. I am 23 is this is my first real date. I've only talked to this girl online for a few days but she is cute, funny, and we have lots in common. Our date is Wednesday and I don't know what I'm going to do. Can anyone give me some dating tips, dos/don'ts on a first date, etc.? I am a nervous wreck and I want to feel more confident and know what to do lol. Any help will be greatly appreciated! :D



AnonymousAnonymous
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 72,088
Location: Portland, Oregon

28 Nov 2016, 5:29 pm

Here are links that could be of interest to you.

http://www.wikihow.com/Prepare-For-a-Date

http://www.wikihow.com/Impress-Someone-on-a-First-Date


_________________
Silly NTs, I have Aspergers, and having Aspergers is gr-r-reat!


izzeme
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,665

29 Nov 2016, 3:22 am

If the activity isn't set yet, make sure you do something that isn't stressful to you; a first date is stressful enough (especially if it is your first first date); opt for a walk trough a park over an open-air bandstage, go to a small coffee cafe rather than a larger bar.

Also, be prepared for any outcome: buy a pack of condoms just in case, but make sure that your date doesn't see them on you.
Showing (or even telling) that you have them wil give her the wrong message, but having them when asked will give you bonus points, as you show responsibility and the ability to prepare.



Shahunshah
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,225
Location: NZ

29 Nov 2016, 3:25 am

First dates aren't easy for the majority of the human race I don't think. I therefore don't think you need to worry about coming across as a little timid and anxious at first trust me many people are like that. She might even be feeling the same way herself.



ParallaxDG
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 22 Oct 2016
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 7
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada

29 Nov 2016, 3:31 am

Thanks for the replies guys, I'm just really nervous but I think I'll be fine. Some questions: If the date goes well is it acceptable to give a kiss at the end? And if it goes really well how do I tell her I want to have a relationship with her?



Shahunshah
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,225
Location: NZ

29 Nov 2016, 3:33 am

Well isn't a relationship a given for any couple should the date go well?



Jono
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,652
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa

29 Nov 2016, 4:50 am

If it's your first time meeting her then I'd recommend meeting in a public place like a coffee shop or something. It makes her feel more comfortable meeting strange man and it's better for you.



Jono
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,652
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa

29 Nov 2016, 4:53 am

ParallaxDG wrote:
Some questions: If the date goes well is it acceptable to give a kiss at the end? And if it goes really well how do I tell her I want to have a relationship with her?


For your first question, make sure that she's okay with you kissing her before trying it. For your second question, don't ask her that right away, if the date goes well, you can organise a second one later and a relationship will develop naturally over time if all goes well.



Jono
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,652
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa

29 Nov 2016, 4:55 am

Shahunshah wrote:
Well isn't a relationship a given for any couple should the date go well?


No, it's not a given. Technically, dating is about getting to know someone, it's not yet the main relationship.



whatamievendoing
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Aug 2016
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,336
Location: Finland

29 Nov 2016, 5:40 am

A café is usually a good place for a first date. :wink:


_________________
“They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.”
― Kurt Cobain


Alliekit
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Mar 2016
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,182
Location: England

29 Nov 2016, 6:20 am

ParallaxDG wrote:
Thanks for the replies guys, I'm just really nervous but I think I'll be fine. Some questions: If the date goes well is it acceptable to give a kiss at the end? And if it goes really well how do I tell her I want to have a relationship with her?


Maybe a kiss on the cheek and see how that goes. I would wait a couple of dates to get to know her until you ask her to be your gf



Chichikov
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2016
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,151
Location: UK

29 Nov 2016, 1:54 pm

One thing I've tried in the past is to think in advance of things to talk about, conversation starters etc. Or of any anecdotes you might want to work into the night. If in the days coming up to the date you think of something you might want to mention or talk about add it to the list. Keep a brief list of these on your phone that you can look at surreptitiously during the date (or when in the toilet etc) to keep in mind things to talk about if the conversation starts to run dry. Try and keep things "even" as well, don't just talk about yourself and don't just fire questions at her as the former makes you look like you don't care about her and the latter makes it feel more like a job interview than a date. So talk about yourself, tell her things about yourself, but also remember to ask her things and talk about things you know are of interest to her and not just things of interest to you.



Alliekit
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Mar 2016
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,182
Location: England

29 Nov 2016, 3:14 pm

Chichikov wrote:
One thing I've tried in the past is to think in advance of things to talk about, conversation starters etc. Or of any anecdotes you might want to work into the night. If in the days coming up to the date you think of something you might want to mention or talk about add it to the list. Keep a brief list of these on your phone that you can look at surreptitiously during the date (or when in the toilet etc) to keep in mind things to talk about if the conversation starts to run dry. Try and keep things "even" as well, don't just talk about yourself and don't just fire questions at her as the former makes you look like you don't care about her and the latter makes it feel more like a job interview than a date. So talk about yourself, tell her things about yourself, but also remember to ask her things and talk about things you know are of interest to her and not just things of interest to you.


This is brilliant advice for any aspie!!



Purzel50
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 27 Nov 2016
Age: 73
Gender: Male
Posts: 7

29 Nov 2016, 7:34 pm

I would chime in with a few points:
a) do not go to a movie, you cannot interact with her there in meaningful way
b) a cafe is a good place - in public and not too loud - so that you can easily talk; bars are not good either - too noisy
c) eye contact is important, but don't stare at her like you are looking at a car wreck
d) bring her a little gift - chocolates or something
e) show an interest in her life without hiding yours, let her talk to you more than you to her, and listen carefully
f) do not hide your condition, tell her upfront that you have some trouble understanding and relating to people but that you are willing to try and are otherwise a good person; tell her some emotional stories of your family or when you felt hurt because of your slight "otherness", if she cannot accept that right from the beginning, she never will



mistersprinkles
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 11 Feb 2015
Posts: 182
Location: Toronto Canada

29 Nov 2016, 8:54 pm

Jono wrote:
ParallaxDG wrote:
Some questions: If the date goes well is it acceptable to give a kiss at the end? And if it goes really well how do I tell her I want to have a relationship with her?


For your first question, make sure that she's okay with you kissing her before trying it. For your second question, don't ask her that right away, if the date goes well, you can organise a second one later and a relationship will develop naturally over time if all goes well.


Dude... no... There is nothing more lame than "can I kiss you". You need to be able to sense if she wants you to kiss her and go from there. You'll totally kill any magic that might be there if you ask first. Let's not do this whole "safe space" nonsense.



Purzel50
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 27 Nov 2016
Age: 73
Gender: Male
Posts: 7

29 Nov 2016, 9:08 pm

Completely disagree with that statement.
We are on this website precisely BECAUSE we have a hard time sensing body language, otherwise we would not be "aspies". Ask her first. If she can't tolerate the question (I don't mean if she says yes or no, but just can't tolerate the question), you will not get anywhere and should not waste further time with her. If she continues to stay "mysterious", you will never get along with her with your condition.