I will never find someone...

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Sometimes I just hate the way I am and would do anything to be normal.

Well, I asked a girl out yesterday, after prepping myself for quite a while now. She appeared to show some interest in me and I told myself if I didn't ask her out I would never forgive myself. It was so stupid, I was completely terrified and I know it must have shown. I was stuttering and shaking (which hopefully I was able to hide well). Immediately after I asked her out she sort of laughed and asked if I was serious, and then when I said I was she eventually said no, but I couldn't help thinking if I was able to be a little more suave that I might have been able to pull it off. Afterwords, I was still feeling really nervous and threw up.

My original logic was: if she says no, no big deal, no real harm done. But if I don't bother to ask her out, well I'd always ask myself "what if?" This is the same logic I've been fed a thousand times before by other people. This logic worked fine until yesterday after I ended up puking my guts up in the bathroom. I actually felt much much worse. Worse than I probably had if I never said anything to her. Now when I see her it's too awkward and I won't say anything or even look at her.

So really what's the use? I guess I am going to sit and wait for a miracle (which is ironic due to the fact I am athiest). Even when the very rare time comes when I am able to grow enough balls to talk to a girl, I am so terrified and nervous that I can't even talk straight or smile.

I am the same. Girls are confusing; I just avoid them if possible.
I also need a miracle. But I'm atheist too.

When I read your post and the reaction of the girl you asked out, I automatically assumed you were in high school. But you're not (I read your blog), you're old enough to be in the military. To be honest, I'm shocked that an adult would have the reaction she did to being asked out on a date. I don't think you're missing out on much by her not liking you back. In my opinion, you could do much better. The right woman would have been flattered that you were so nervous.

I know that doesn't help with the feelings of rejection. I wish I could give some helpful advice as to how to make you feel better. All I can say though, is that I know how you feel. Rejection sucks no matter how you look at it.

Well, this is going to be blunt, and it is off of an incomplete account (since you posting a transcript of your conversation with her would be excessive anyways. ) but here it goes...

You asked out a b***h. You were nervous. She responded like a...you guessed it...b***h. Sounds like the type that likes as*holes, people that would treat her like dirt. This is making a pretty big assumption, but I'm assuming you wouldn't want to act like that simply to get a date.

I've said this a few times today, in various circumstances, but try to be patient, and try to not give up. Everyone that really wants something generally wants it now, not tomorrow, not a week from now, not a year from now. Unfortunately that's not always possible. That doesn't mean it will never happen, it simply may not happen as soon as you would like. That's definitely been the case for me. Frustrating? Sure. At the same time, it is somewhat comforting to know that some of the things I think are impossible for me may not really be impossible after all. (Some...improbable, I'll admit that. Not impossible.)

The whole concept of "asking out" seems so blunt
to begin with. It puts way too much pressure on
the situation. I've done so a couple of times -
once, I got flatly turned down (in HS), and the
other, she went on a 'date' with me, but it
ended up such a charged event, that I took
it all wrong when it failed. I'd avoid such
direct tactics, at least in your own mind.
Aim for something with less meaning to
you, like asking her to do something
specific, which you should both enjoy.

I'll join the chorus - she's a b***h. It would have come out eventually even if she had gone out with you, a letdown now is probably saving you from a much bigger letdown later. Almost everyone goes through this kind of rejection at some point in our lives - never pleasant but it does make the successes that much more special.

I agree with shadexiii.
Nuff said.
Btdt

Yes, she's a b***h and you deserve better. Barfing was an appropriate comment on *her* behaviour, not yours.

I don't know if this will help, but my brother told his son to keep it really casual, work the conversaton around to movies, kick around movies you've seen and not seen, when you find one neither of you has seen then casually say 'we should see that some time' - and her response guides what to do next. if she says 'yeah' then the answer is no. If she says 'That'd be really nice, I'd like that' then you say, 'How about Friday?'

This is all subject to the wisdom of others, neither I nor my brother are any authority, but the kid did manage to get married and so far is living happily ever after.

Yes, but to do it correctly, you should have just done
it on her.

Things like this just happen i'm afraid, take it from somewhere whos been there and brought the t-shirt (in every availiable size, colour and pattern).

The trick (and I know it's a toughie), is to remember that a relationship isn't the be all and end all of our existances. I'm 21, i've had two relationships of significance, and neither were happy ones. If I could go back I would have passed on both of them, all I did was lose things that were precious to me and gain diddly squat.

Now I find myself in a situation where I would love to ask out a girl I know at Uni who is probably the only person in my life who I have as yet failed to drive to the brink of psycosis (and who, in my opinion, is stunningly attractive to boot). But my fear is that, despite the pleasant situation that currently exists between us, she may turn her nose up in disgust at the prospect of an actual relationship with someone like...well...me - the Uni oddball.

Thats something i'll have to consider, but if I do got in for the kill and actually succeed for once, then I will have considered it well worth the effort. If she says no, she'd rather date Prince Phillip, then i'll mope for a bit, get over it as best I can, and make an attempt at moving on. Just write it off as a bad job, of which there have been (and will always be) many in our lives. Heck, my life is a bad job, so what will have I lost?

Ladies are lovely, but don't let them get you down. The male will never understand the female, so don't put yourself out trying to be the first.

You'll get there in the end - we all will.

I'm ex-military, and after asking a girl for her number two weeks ago, I wanted to hide somewhere because I was so nervous. I haven't called her yet because I think I ruined the whimsical aquiantence-ship we had in class with my nervous flop. And after waiting for so long, I don't think it would be prudent either.

I know she does sound bitchy, but really, if she didn't want to, what would she say?

After 14 years wihout a date I finally went out with someone last year. We went out once, and then she just stopped returning my phonecalls.

Look on the bright side, she was honest. OK, so she could've been more tactful, but really at least you got a straight answer.

But I do know how you feel. I've kinda given up as well. You always think, "what's the worst that could happen, she'll say no." But they always say no. And the next thing you know, you're 34 and you've missed out.

Sorry if I wasn't clear in my post. I was trying to say that when I saw he was in the military, I realized he was older than I thought and the girl he asked out was older than I thought. I was shocked that a girl who is older than a teenager would react so immaturely to him asking her out.

The girl you're talking about - have you talked to her in class since you asked for her number? If your classes are over and you haven't seen her since, I would go ahead and call her. For all she knows, you were on vacation and that's why you haven't called.

hey. I know how it feels.

A few weeks ago, the girl who I am currently interested in, I asked her out. It was very hard for me to do, since I was debatting with myself whether or not to ask her out. A few of my friends told me to be careful, especially since I got hurt after the first relationship I had first semester at college. So I asked her out. The day that I asked she said she'd have to think about it, she wanted to be able to get know me better before we dated. She also thought it a bit weird that I was asking her two weeks before school let out, though as I told her, I'd been debating with myself for a long time, and I wanted to see how things would turn out, seeing as how I didn't want to rush into a relationship and end up getting hurt. She said that it was a very mature thing for me to do, (BTW, I'm going to be a sophmore this year, and she's going to be a senior) two days later, she gave me her answer. She said no, but not no, meaning not right now because it was too close to summer, but she'd consider it after we got back from break. She wants to be able to get know me better and all that jazz. She also reiterated that I was very mature for the way I handled myself in asking her.

She and I have hung out a few more times since then, three days after she gave me her answer, we went to the end of year spring dance together, of course I asked her to the dance a long time before asking her out, so it wasn't totally awkward.

But, now I'm starting to wonder, maybe I should just be friends with her and find someone else. Not that I don't think I wouldn't have a chance with her, I just don't think I can do it. I've planned on if I meet someone this summer and it all works out(in three months, miracles happen) then we'll see what happens, but I'm not holding my breath.

Well, you really can´t know if it was more painful to ask her out because you did. And, you´ll never know if it would have been more painful to always wonder. I say its better to ask and get a little hurt now. After time it won´t be so bad, but not knowing would never have gotten better. At least now you can move on, if you never asked, you would have never been able to move on.

Keep asking, thats the only way it´ll get easier. It will always be painful when you get rejected, but it´ll get easier to ask. I used to be just as terrified as you are, but now its not so bad. It still hurts the same when you get rejected, but if you always get rejected, then it gets easier. I don´t know if thats really a good thing though. You have to force yourself to keep asking, otherwise you´ll never improve. Keep at it, thats the only way to get over your anxiety.

Also, ironic comment about miracles. See my sig...

Hakuna Matata! You'll find some1 I just know it!