What's the deal with very attractive people on dating sites?

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Aspie1
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31 May 2015, 11:45 am

I've been seeing people on dating sites that are very attractive. (I only looked at women's profiles, but I suppose it's about the same for men.) And I can't help but wonder what exactly brings them to those sites. Are they hoping to meet quality people? (Only for women to find their inbox filled with messages from hordes of undesirable men, and for men to waste their time on a 100:1 response rate.) So is it for attention/ego? To cast a wider net? Out of boredom? Some other reason? Are they actually having trouble finding people in meatspace? (dark-humored way of saying "real world") Obviously, creating a dating site profile is their business and theirs alone, even if it's for amusement. But it seems fishy that someone of that attractiveness level needs to turn to dating sites. It's the reason I don't message anyone higher than 6/10 on my looks scale, with me being 5/10, even if their profile sounds sincere.

Heck, there's even a dating site specifically for the beautiful people. I think it's called Darwin Dating, or something like that. WHY?! Those people don't need to go online to find dates. They have bars, restaurants, beaches, lounges, nightclubs, casinos, ski resorts, boat marinas, shopping malls, college classes, gyms, riverfront promenades, parties, summer festivals, even train stations. Why in the world would they want to go online?

Maybe it's a sign of the times. With the complete lack of a stigma to online dating nowadays, everybody is getting in on the act. But it probably wouldn't be so bad if we could bring back online dating to its 1990's roots. (And its roots go back to newspaper personals; anyone remember phrases like "SWM ISO SWF 4 LTR"?) It was highly stigmatized, but also not "diluted" like it is today. Not to mention online dating has become dry and clinical, a far cry from its underground, taboo feel in the 1990's. This way, homely-looking and/or socially awkward people can have their space to meet each other, and the beautiful people can have theirs. Plus, these two groups don't fraternize very often, anyway.



Suzyqqqq
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31 May 2015, 12:34 pm

It is safe to assume that the very attractive people on dating sites are looking for dates. What other reason could there be for posting a profile?

Simply being exceedingly attractive, in and of itself, doesn't guarantee dates/relationships (though it obviously does for lots of people).

A childhood friend, Amanda, is empirically drop-dead gorgeous (paid for college modeling for LL Bean, Lands End, etc) and always single because she is also highly-strung and, well, crazy. It takes a LOT of crazy to offset that much pretty... but she nevertheless manages to!



The_Face_of_Boo
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31 May 2015, 1:54 pm

On Darwin Dating.

http://www.darwindating.com/content?page=rules

Quote:
Saggy boobs... in fact saggy anything
Sweat patches
Nerdy glasses
Cackly laughs
Pocket protectors


wow.... nerdy glasses are equated with Sweat patches .lol



Kiriae
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31 May 2015, 2:04 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
Those people don't need to go online to find dates. They have bars, restaurants, beaches, lounges, nightclubs, casinos, ski resorts, boat marinas, shopping malls, college classes, gyms, riverfront promenades, parties, summer festivals, even train stations. Why in the world would they want to go online?

What if they don't like bars, restaurants, beaches, lounges, nightclubs, casinos, ski resorts, boat marinas, shopping malls, college classes, gyms, riverfront promenades, parties, summer festivals or train stations? What if they are shy or lack social skills?
I consider myself quite attractive but I honestly have no idea how to get a boyfriend in any of the places you mentioned. It's not like people go through the city with "Hey. I am free and looking for relationship. My interests are... My personality is..." on their foreheads and I don't walk with "I am free. Pick me up." written on my forehead either.



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31 May 2015, 3:02 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
I've been seeing people on dating sites that are very attractive. (I only looked at women's profiles, but I suppose it's about the same for men.) And I can't help but wonder what exactly brings them to those sites.


Not sure about the ladies, but the "attractive" guys(that you didn't see) are probably hoping that their good-looks will give them a small chance of being successful(i.e. make them partially invisible, instead of completely invisible).



Suzyqqqq
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31 May 2015, 3:10 pm

Kiriae wrote:
Aspie1 wrote:
Those people don't need to go online to find dates. They have bars, restaurants, beaches, lounges, nightclubs, casinos, ski resorts, boat marinas, shopping malls, college classes, gyms, riverfront promenades, parties, summer festivals, even train stations. Why in the world would they want to go online?

What if they don't like bars, restaurants, beaches, lounges, nightclubs, casinos, ski resorts, boat marinas, shopping malls, college classes, gyms, riverfront promenades, parties, summer festivals or train stations? What if they are shy or lack social skills?
I consider myself quite attractive but I honestly have no idea how to get a boyfriend in any of the places you mentioned. It's not like people go through the city with "Hey. I am free and looking for relationship. My interests are... My personality is..." on their foreheads and I don't walk with "I am free. Pick me up." written on my forehead either.


Where do you hang out and what do you do in your spare time? The list of venues you loathe is, well, all-encompassing.



The_Face_of_Boo
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31 May 2015, 3:14 pm

Suzyqqqq wrote:
Kiriae wrote:
Aspie1 wrote:
Those people don't need to go online to find dates. They have bars, restaurants, beaches, lounges, nightclubs, casinos, ski resorts, boat marinas, shopping malls, college classes, gyms, riverfront promenades, parties, summer festivals, even train stations. Why in the world would they want to go online?

What if they don't like bars, restaurants, beaches, lounges, nightclubs, casinos, ski resorts, boat marinas, shopping malls, college classes, gyms, riverfront promenades, parties, summer festivals or train stations? What if they are shy or lack social skills?
I consider myself quite attractive but I honestly have no idea how to get a boyfriend in any of the places you mentioned. It's not like people go through the city with "Hey. I am free and looking for relationship. My interests are... My personality is..." on their foreheads and I don't walk with "I am free. Pick me up." written on my forehead either.


Where do you hang out and what do you do in your spare time? The list of venues you loathe is, well, all-encompassing.


I second Kaytka....I mean Suzyqqqq's sarcasm for once this time.



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31 May 2015, 4:41 pm

Most dating sites are nothing more than a waste of time and money, some require a credit card that most don't have.

As for your question, the majority of dating sites are scams in disguise.


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izzeme
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01 Jun 2015, 3:11 am

Exessively beautiful people have their own problems in the dating scene.
I have a few female friends that could fit this category, and they truly have problems getting dates.

First off, most men consider her to be "out of his league", so they don't come up to her.
Secondly, a lot of men assume she already has someone, since she is so attractive.

this creates a point where the most attractive people are also alone, especially if they don't take the first move (as a lot of women won't do).
this is where dating sites help: point #2 is invalidated on there.

obviously, there are also those that 'cast a bigger net', but not all of them



The_Face_of_Boo
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01 Jun 2015, 3:17 am

izzeme wrote:
Exessively beautiful people have their own problems in the dating scene.
I have a few female friends that could fit this category, and they truly have problems getting dates.

First off, most men consider her to be "out of his league", so they don't come up to her.
Secondly, a lot of men assume she already has someone, since she is so attractive.

this creates a point where the most attractive people are also alone, especially if they don't take the first move (as a lot of women won't do).
this is where dating sites help: point #2 is invalidated on there.

obviously, there are also those that 'cast a bigger net', but not all of them


Men have a good reason to consider them "out of the league"- because they often set the standard bar too high.

There's an obvious correlation between conventional beauty and pickiness.



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01 Jun 2015, 7:27 am

Suzyqqqq wrote:
Kiriae wrote:
Aspie1 wrote:
Those people don't need to go online to find dates. They have bars, restaurants, beaches, lounges, nightclubs, casinos, ski resorts, boat marinas, shopping malls, college classes, gyms, riverfront promenades, parties, summer festivals, even train stations. Why in the world would they want to go online?

What if they don't like bars, restaurants, beaches, lounges, nightclubs, casinos, ski resorts, boat marinas, shopping malls, college classes, gyms, riverfront promenades, parties, summer festivals or train stations? What if they are shy or lack social skills?
I consider myself quite attractive but I honestly have no idea how to get a boyfriend in any of the places you mentioned. It's not like people go through the city with "Hey. I am free and looking for relationship. My interests are... My personality is..." on their foreheads and I don't walk with "I am free. Pick me up." written on my forehead either.


Where do you hang out and what do you do in your spare time? The list of venues you loathe is, well, all-encompassing.

I don't hang out. I spend time in front of my computer or in my garden. Except for that there is just grocery shopping and school time but in my class is only like 6 guys and none of them seems interested in me. But it may be my cluelessness.
I do participate in summer festivals but they are only once a year and I go there with my friends (a guy I met on a dating website that is interested in me but I don't love him and a girl I was once in love with but she refused me) so I am even less available because the guy looks like my boyfriend so everyone is thinking I am taken and I am too busy paying attention to my unarchived girlfriend to pick up other people. LOL



white_as_snow
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01 Jun 2015, 8:13 am

I have still not found a single person that is ugly in dating sites.

People always say if you cant get a partner in "the normal life" go to dating sites....

But its impossible, to many guys are better than me, and the girls know it, so why should someone like me test this s**t when I already know that all the girls will say no thanks?



Aspie1
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01 Jun 2015, 11:56 am

white_as_snow wrote:
I have still not found a single person that is ugly in dating sites.
...
But its impossible, to many guys are better than me, and the girls know it, so why should someone like me test this s**t when I already know that all the girls will say no thanks?

That's why I was trying to point out earlier. Back in the 90's, online dating was an underground, taboo subject, populated by outcasts; namely, us, the ones who have abysmally low chances of finding someone in real life. It provided an incredible outlet, an opportunity for people to get to know us and develop romantic interest based on our personalities, our real thoughts and opinions, our likes and dislikes. Not our looks, our clothes, our cars, or our money. Very similar to the newspaper and magazine personal ads online dating developed from, and even kept the newspaper abbreviations, like "SWM ISO SWF 4 LTR". (They later became deprecated, due to lack of text space limits online.)

Like everything else developed by smart people, it was eventually ruined, and it happened in three overlapping waves.
The first wave (1998 -- 2004) was driven by escorts and Russian brides. They knew that men on dating sites were desperate, and starting flooding the sites with their ads. They operated in slightly different ways: escorts promised easy sex, and Russian brides promised easy love. Similar scams, although fewer in number, were done by male scammers as well.
The second wave (2003 -- 2009) was driven by experimenters. They created profiles for any and every reason except to meet a romantic partner: boredom, attention, "just to try it", to mess with beta males, etc. They "diluted" the online dating community with flashy, MySpace-esque profiles, by making it difficult for genuine online daters to make connections.
The third wave (2008 -- 2014) was driven by the beautiful people. They became aware of the popularity of online dating among their plain-looking counterparts, and wanted a piece of the action. But because they want to meet only other beautiful people, and their profiles appear alongside plain ones, they cause frustration by creating a sense of unattainable competition.

So, online dating pretty much collapsed under its own weight and was ruined by its own popularity. And respective sites are scrambling to fight the natural decline. OKCupid is taking on a Facebook vibe with its plethora of quizzes; Plenty of Fish is fighting to keep out bad apples, like 50-year-old men messaging 18-year-old girls (but allowing the reverse); Match is flooding the TV with their ads, while being one of the priciest sites out there; and eHarmony is targeting the marriage-minded market.

Sadly, none of these efforts will ever bring back the intrigue and wonderment of posting your first online dating profile in 1995, through a 28K dial-up modem (and making sure no one in your life finds out). I first got into online dating in 1999, when I was still young enough to have to lie about my age (which was undetectable back then). And I saw the whole thing go downhill ever since, despite growing in popularity. It's become almost identical to dating in real life.

The only thing that changed for the better, is that people now meet for coffee/drinks after talking for a few days, not a few months like they did in the early days of online dating. And I'll give it credit for helping me find girlfriends.



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01 Jun 2015, 9:36 pm

Perhaps the beautiful people are looking for more specific things than they can find easily offline. Or they want to get to read a profile about someone 1st & get to know em better by messages instead of just hooking up with strangers they meet offline.


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02 Jun 2015, 1:15 am

Maybe some are really picky.
Maybe some have personality or other issues that make it hard for them to form relationships.
Maybe some of them find it a fun way to get dates.
Maybe some have no clue how attractive they are, and miss the signs that people are interested in them.
Maybe some feel they have "met everyone" at the local bars they frequent, and need to try a different "location".
Maybe some do it because it has become kind of trendy to.
Maybe some are scammers and not who they seem to be.
Maybe some are looking for the sort of person who might do their dating online.

I'm sure there are plenty more reasons.



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02 Jun 2015, 6:24 pm

Or maybe *gasp* looks aren't everything?


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