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Fraser_1990
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07 Dec 2016, 1:35 pm

So one for the dudes on here :) (and perhaps some girls) :D

How do you go about getting involved in a relationship with a woman? Seriously, I never seem to get passed the "hi" stage, then it's like I no longer exist to them. Life seems so harsh at times. :(


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schopenhauer with a keyboard
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07 Dec 2016, 3:47 pm

have u tried online dating?
that seems like the obvious choice for an autist.
i've heard of a decent amount of success stories.



Fraser_1990
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07 Dec 2016, 3:51 pm

schopenhauer with a keyboard wrote:
have u tried online dating?
that seems like the obvious choice for an autist.
i've heard of a decent amount of success stories.


I've tried them.

The only times i've ever had replies have been from scammers trying to get my bank details. Otherwise i'm just ignored.


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Prof-Diagnosed: Aspergers Syndrome (I still call it that!), Dyspraxia, Dysgraphia
Self-diagnosed: ADHD-PI, Social Anxiety, Depression
Treatment: 5-HTP, Ginkgo Biloba, Omega-3, Pro-Biotics, Multi Vitamin, Magnesium


madbutnotmad
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07 Dec 2016, 4:03 pm

i am the same. i have had several short term relationships and 2 longer relationships. But the woman instigated almost all of the relationships.

I am absolutely clueless about this. I think my circumstances do not help either.
I am unemployed and do not have much money.
I think if i was working in a half decent job, with a half decent apartment.
Then i would have more of a chance.

I don't approach women generally as i have no money to buy them a drink or dinner,
and i do not want to have to answer questions about my employment situation or where i live.

It is a shame, as i am super f*****g cool. and good at loads of things. Am classic aspo in terms of being loyal,
honest etc. but have major problems with anxiety and communication, plus need loads of reassurance with regards to fidelity (as have spent my life being abused and around neurotypical people who are not trust worthy).

So what do you do?...

In some ways, it is for the best. because relationships are a major burden in a lot of ways.
Woman can be super insecure and super sensitive, especially around blunt honest aspo's.
They also demand a lot of your time, and lure you into a luxury get super fat lifestyle which is entertaining
and gives you temporary happiness but often results you in being inactive, over eating and getting super fat.
Unless you find a girly that's super sporty and into the stuff that your into.

Alt, perhaps move to Thailand and set up a hareem...unfortunately not on my budget.



madbutnotmad
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07 Dec 2016, 4:07 pm

advice.
read books on picking up woman or how to find the right girl for a relationship.
Wing girl was one book i found interesting.

Us aspo's probably need a wing girl / guy to help us, because were all such fuckwits when it comes to all that social stuff.

alt
consider just walking up to some woman you find attractive, compliment them on their looks or something
and ask them out. Perhaps try and do this as a game rather than taking it super seriously.
go for a drink or two and hopefully things will develop. if they dont, then go onto the next one.
speed dating may be worth considering.



Fraser_1990
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07 Dec 2016, 4:09 pm

The woman I come across seem insensitive and don't seem to want to spend any time with me at all. Perhaps i'm too sensitive for them.


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Self-diagnosed: ADHD-PI, Social Anxiety, Depression
Treatment: 5-HTP, Ginkgo Biloba, Omega-3, Pro-Biotics, Multi Vitamin, Magnesium


Exuvian
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07 Dec 2016, 10:09 pm

The best relationships are in the dream world. Reality is confusing and requires loads of energy and intelligence I don't possess. Enjoy your dreams. Maybe one day you'll catch them. :)



midas_touch
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07 Dec 2016, 11:04 pm

Regarding meeting women I was talking to an older woman who gave me some advice. She said, "You could try finding a woman in a relaxed environment like a park or a book shop and making a general observation."

She advised me to say something like, "It's a lovely day," or comment on a book on the shelf. A conversation could ignite that way.

In the past apparently where I've often made a social blunder is in asking people direct questions or making personal compliments. She told me that made people wonder what I wanted from them and more fearful.

I approached one woman in a bar and told her that her dress was beautiful. This woman advising me told me that could make a woman feel self-conscious and it was placing too much focus on her in a direct way.

The key thing she seemed to say to me was to try not to be intense. I think I will try not asking as many questions and making more comments where I express my opinion but not one involving a compliment. For example, I'll say something about the environment we're in. Or perhaps something in the news? Oh, I don't know, it's all a bit confusing. I'll give it a go anyway. :oops:



BeggingTurtle
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08 Dec 2016, 1:36 pm

I relate better with girls better than guys. Maybe it's a general personality thing, but I find most guys kind of gross.


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Fraser_1990
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08 Dec 2016, 3:10 pm

BeggingTurtle wrote:
I relate better with girls better than guys. Maybe it's a general personality thing, but I find most guys kind of gross.


Same. But in a "lets be friends who never talk or spend time together" kind of way....


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Self-diagnosed: ADHD-PI, Social Anxiety, Depression
Treatment: 5-HTP, Ginkgo Biloba, Omega-3, Pro-Biotics, Multi Vitamin, Magnesium


Mr_Miner
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08 Dec 2016, 3:11 pm

Fraser_1990 wrote:
schopenhauer with a keyboard wrote:
have u tried online dating?
that seems like the obvious choice for an autist.
i've heard of a decent amount of success stories.


I've tried them.

The only times i've ever had replies have been from scammers trying to get my bank details. Otherwise i'm just ignored.



This also happens to nurotypical men. Women get a lot more messages then a man does. So don't always assume it's you or they are being rude on purpose. I've also noticed a lot of women on dating sites don't really want to follow through with dates. They just want attention in a safe way they can control. Not to sound mean to women and yeah a lot do want a partner but it's just been my observation. '



mudvins
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08 Dec 2016, 6:54 pm

I already read about online dating for aspergers, but its only break the first part, right? The part "oh, maybe I'm not so ugly" (or something like that). Because we have to talk, understand the signal, etc.

So, who used it and how? Because developing conversation and (most important for me) know when and how to act (try a kiss, or "push" to other level, ...), or just understand if she is interested or not.

PS: I tried once for 3 weeks, I got a date. Not sure if was good, at the end she asked to give her later a website about craft beer. 24 hours later, I said I like the date and gave the website, but maybe I gave too much information because it answered later to my messages and when I asked for a new meeting, she stopped responding.



Bataar
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16 Dec 2016, 6:30 pm

You need to "do things". That's my problem. I don't do anything. I go to work and go home. It was kind of shocking how long it took me to realize that was my problem. No girls are just going to randomly come to my house and there aren't any available women at work so my odds of meeting someone are pretty much nil. I still can't think of things to do outside of my house so my chances of meeting people are non-existent.



AngryAngryAngry
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17 Dec 2016, 9:44 pm

Don't try. The moment you seem cool, then women will be all over you.
The moment I act interested it repels women.
Be aloof, be cool. And never act interested in the obviously most attractive girl/or the one you find most attractive. Be friendly, and be happy and just calm and casual. Then you'll get better at normal conversations.
Women are bad at giving signals, but hopefully you will figure it out.
Once you've accomplished the above steps, let me know if you need more help.



GiantHockeyFan
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19 Dec 2016, 11:18 am

If there is one thing I can generally apply to all women, based on my experiencing dating too many to count and eventually getting married, there are two simple things I learned:

1) Women in general LOVE dominant men who exhibit leadership qualities. This has nothing to do with being violent, abusive or hurtful or even one's physical appearance but someone who will make a decision and own it and takes on challenges. That's how I got my wife to fall in love with me: I just grabbed her and kissed her after the third date, knowing that there is no point in tip toeing around my feelings. Yes, I did it before and it failed but I never went in with the attitude it would fail again. The guys I know who are most successful are absolutely fearless when talking with women although that's easier said than done.

2) Contrary to what you might think based on the arrogant dating profiles you generally see, women as a rule are rather insecure but do a great job of hiding it. They will NEVER directly say how they feel about you, and even my wife struggles with this to this day. This is why Aspies struggle so much with dating but it's a skill that comes with experience. The few who are aggressive tend to be messed up in the head based on mine and others' experiences and not someone you want to get involved with.



hurtloam
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19 Dec 2016, 4:36 pm

Love all the men giving advice about how women are and what women like lol

There's no point asking me either, I don't really get along with NT women and don't understand them, but I don't pretend I know what they want.