NT partner confused by reaction to lack of sex.

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Long story short, I have denied my sexuality to myself for most of my life because of a negative event that happened with another girl when I was 12 and my parents reaction to it. Needless to say that I lived my life feeling broken and unable to connect or feel anything. I loved my boyfriends and had what looked like a healthy sex drive. It was just me going through the motions. 2 years ago I came out to my children's father after a 7 year relationship. 4 months later I moved out and in with my new girlfriend and got married right off the bat (4 months in). I had discovered I wasn't broken emotionally as I first thought, I was just gay all along. Unfortunately I confused that for being in love when it was really just my first true emotional and sexual connection.

Fast forward to now. I am going through an amicable divorce and finally in love for the first time in my life. My NT girlfriend and I have been together for 5 months. We are struggling financially and staying with friends and family while we try to find an affordable place to live and it has put a damper on our sex life. It never used to be an issue in past relationships but now if I go 4 or 5 days without some form of physical intimacy I become depressed and my anxiety becomes unmanageable. I've tried explaining that I don't NEED sex, just time for intimacy past simple kisses and hand holding. It's like I need to feel her passion for me, her physical desire even when we aren't sexual in order to feel like she still is in love with me. She flirts and cuddles but it doesn't fulfill me... but if she kisses me like she means it, I'm good for a day.

Everything I have ever read suggests that most if not the majority of people with Aspergers don't crave the physical and emotional connection sexually but I'm wondering how true that is. To me, it's more like I have the desire but can't communicate my needs so I just chose to shut it off. When I started working on making eye contact during intimate acts, I noticed that I shut off a lot less and engaged.. it's still something I have to remind myself to do because I revert back to shutting off easily and at times it's almost physically uncomfortable to force myself to do, but since then I haven't been able to shake this from happening. I try and talk myself out of it, tell myself I'm imagining that she doesn't love/want me... nothing I do helps. She gives me attention, we talk about it each time it happens, she holds me close and she verbally confirms her love for me and she has been so patient... but it is wearing thin and I can tell she is frustrated with my outbursts even though she doesn't voice it.

Anyone else experience this or have insight/advice to help?

You need to open up to her, she can help you work through these issues.
She's important to you, let her know what is going on. If you struggle with saying this, write it down.
Take your time, small steps and eventually you will get there.

Well, I think it ended up working itself out. I have been taking CBD golden dandelion tincture for a couple months as it is the only thing aside from Diazapam that works to treat my anxieties otherwise I have continuous panic attacks. Anyway for about two years now I have battling issues with severe nausea upon waking and not being able to eat all day and as a diabetic that's scary because I can get severe hypoglycemia easily. Anyway, CBD has been treating it. Yesterday morning my nausea was so bad I had to double my dose and take anti nausea tablets to calm down. Last night we were able to get some alone time and this morning I ate breakfast before I took my CBD. She's the one who realized it was because of the fact that I got the attention I needed from her. We talked and she promised to try and find at least a few minutes every day to have some form of close intimacy even if we can't have sex to help alleviate the situation.

Just gotta say, I love my girlfriend so much she never ceases at amazing me.

Thank you for your advice.