Why am I a "creeper" for trying to meet young women?

Post Reply New Topic

I know that I won't meet any women if I stay at home by myself everyday.

For me to meet young women requires me to go to places and interact with them.

Yet when I propose going to places for this purpose women call me a "creeper".

Which is more creepy. Staying by myself all the time or interacting with other people for the purposes of meeting women?

It's like a catch-22. If I don't interact with women I'm a creep but if I do interact with women that makes me a creep.

Why do you listen to random people from the Internet? It seems to me like they are venting, somehow. I would bet these people are adopting Internet personas.

It's probably better, though, if you had more of a purpose when you go out than to meet a woman. And that the women know this.

When I was in my early 20's, women sensed that I was after a girlfriend, and they berated me for it, and advised me to get a hobby or something.

I was seeking advice yet what they said confused me. Perhaps your explanation is correct. Perhaps they were venting. I'm not sure if they were using "internet personas" or if they really talk like that in real life.I do have a purpose. Meeting women. Dating women. Finding a partner. That is the purpose.

You're suggesting I have some other purpose. It seems very strange that I should have one purpose yet say I have a different purpose. It seems dishonest. Lying about my purpose would make me even more creepy.

I find it strange that neurotypical society expects me to play these games. e.g. if I go somewhere to meet women, say I went there for another purpose. e.g. if I'm interested in a woman and then act like I'm not interested.

Honesty is a virtue. These games are not only confusing for me but playing them requires me to be dishonest.I've had women berate me trying to get a girlfriend and I've had women berate me for being single.

But getting a girlfriend is the only way to not be single. It is illogical for them to berate me for something and then berate me for attempting to solve the first problem.

It's NOT dishonest if you actually have another purpose in mind. Like if you're going to a gaming convention or something.

Unless it's stated that it's a "singles' event" or whatever, I would never state that the primary purpose in me going somewhere is to meet women. It's not dishonest to do this. It's smart. It makes you look bad if you say you are there to meet women. I wouldn't do it.

Whether you're autistic, neurotypical, or whatever.

Do you think women are not seeking to meet men? Of course they are! But they wouldn't tell you that. And it wouldn't be smart for them to tell you that.

I was thinking of joining something fitness related in order to meet fit girls.I see your point but the girls who were berating me weren't the same girls I was trying to hit on. I didn't feel the need to hide my purpose on Yahoo! Answers because I wasn't using Yahoo! Anwers to meet women, only to get advice on meeting women.I think they must exist but sometimes it seems like it can be hard to identify which women they are.It would be much simpler for both parties if they just told me.

My ex said that she was single and desperate for years before she met me. If she had simply identified herself as seeking a boyfriend it wouldn't have taken her so long to find one.

Ok, here's my shortest reply in months:

Don't


Listen


To


Haters.


That is all.

A a woman I understand what the women said.

I want to go to Yoga to relax and stretch my muscles. I don't want to feel like some random guy is checking me out.

You twist yourself into all sorts of positions at Yoga class that you ordinarily wouldn't when interacting with strangers. I don't want to be doing a downward dog while some guy is staring at my butt.

Do not pick up women at Yoga.

It's more appropriate to talk to women in the mixed gym. I don't mind that. Treadmills and rowers and step machines don't feel as personal.

Also, even though this is a kind of dream and not reality, what women want is to be appreciated for who they are. We want you to notice us because there is something about us that makes you want to get to know us better. If you are going through a room full of girls asking each one out (I'm not saying you are doing this, but I know guys who have) then we don't feel like you see us for who we are. We feel like you see a vagina and who we are is secondary. Especially if one is the 7th girl in the group to be asked out by the same guy.

Really? I didn't know that. I've never actually been to a yoga class.I get that but women react positively when I compliment their looks. So do women want to be noticed for their looks or not?

Getting away from looks, I also want to meet a girl with a hobby. It doesn't have to be one of my existing hobby. The fact that she has any hobby at all (including yoga) will filter out the annoying shut-ins I get matched with on dating sites. Honestly, most of the people on dating sites are only there because something's wrong with them (myself included) so it would be much better for me to meet women outside of dating sites.

Also if I meet them in person I can build up more trust. I've had women say they don't want to meet me because they think it's unsafe. If they say that to all their online suitors they'll never meet anyone so why are they on a dating site?That really makes sense. I don't have a solution though. If I could pick just one, I would but if she's not into me and the next one isn't into me and so on, I might get to the seventh choice. It's a low-yield numbers game.

I guess I could build up a slow friendship with one and then ask her out but it's difficult for me to make this transition. This isn't a problem with girls, this is a problem with me. One of the problems is that when I befriend young women and then ask them out for coffee, they think I'm asking them out as a friend.I get that you don't want to be wanted only for sex. But I've spoken to so many nymphomaniac girls (and dated one for 5 months) that I'm not sure. Some girls don't want to transition to sex for a long time and other girls can't wait. It's confusing for me.

I like sex as much as the next guy but that girl I dated for 5 months seemed to get ten times as much pleasure from it than me. I'm glad she enjoyed herself. Yet some women seem to get no enjoyment from sex at all. The situation I want to avoid in the bedroom is a girl saying she's having sex with me as a favour in return for something I did for her. That's a huge turn-off for me. I want them to want me, not do it because they feel like their obligated.

I like your response. At first I was wondering if there was going to be any civility here, but you proved me wrong. Good stuff!

I'm wondering a few things, if you don't mind...

The hypothetical guy in yoga class. If this is someone who had been in yoga with you for, say, at least a year, and who'd struck up casual, non-threatening conversations before/after class on several occasions, would you consider meeting him for lunch if he asked and you were available?

The other thing, being appreciated. How would a guy appropriately show his appreciation for women as who they are, as opposed to a sex toy? How should one handle asking women out when rejection is more likely than not? Is moving on to someone who hasn't rejected a guy (yet) really so bad?

Ah ha! I can completely understand why you had a misunderstanding on that ask site then. You need to google downward dog yoga position so you can fully understand my point lol. If you want to do yoga, then go for it. Men do yoga. It's good exercise, but once you understand the type of exercise it is, you may grasp why some women want a female only class. That doesn't mean that men can't do yoga, it's just a kind of faux pas to suggest you could pick up a girl there.

Ok, b&w thinking alert! I can see why men may misunderstand this idea that women don't want to be seen a sex objects, but still want to enjoy sex. It seems like two conflicting ideas, but it's not. And it's actually difficult to explain to men. Other women just get it.

Women want to know - what else do you like about me? Goldfish pointed out in another thread that everyone is different and some women will just want a one night stand and will love to meet lots of different guys who they only have a sexual partners with no strings attached.

But if we are talking about meeting a woman for the purpose of having a relationship, then she wants to feel that she is special to you.

I totally get what you say about picking out a woman and wanting to ask her out and then she knocks you back and then what do you do. You have to move on to someone else. That's why I said it's a kind of dream scenario. In reality we're not gonna meet someone for whom we're the only first choice they've ever had. That's not realistic.

Dating is difficult. It really is. I know of people who were good buddies and their friendship blossomed into a romance and they seem happy (though I think that there was always some sort of mutual attraction to begin with). That's an ideal (I know even those people have difficult times, it's not all roses) but it's hard to go from strangers to that. It's so hard for people like me, although it apparently "just happened" for those people. So I can't help with the how, but I can explain female psychology a bit. But only up to a certain point. I don't understand nail polish and stuff like that. lol

Women want to be appreciated as whole beings. That includes, but is not exclusive to sexuality.

Yeah it is. I know three guys who married the first girl they ever dated. All three of them have aspergers. Make of that what you will.

If I don't listen to people who hate me that means I have to stop listening to myself.

That scenario sounds good. You've got to kinda trust this guy. He's into the same thing as you. You know it's not a superficial ploy to meet women. You've spent time together, so you've developed a little bit of a connection and he wants to take that further. That's flattering and if you like him back it's even better.

What is not good is the guy who turns up out of the blue and on that first week he asks you out because he thinks you're hot. He doesn't know you. It's flattering to a certain extent because who doesn't want to be attractive. But there's no real connection. It's shallow and unappealing and therefore a bit creepy.



All he can do is move on. Afterall you don't want him moping round you after you've said no. However, if he gets knocked back by the next girl, then moves onto another girl in the class, then another and another. That's a bit iffy. That's where he becomes a pest and it feels like he's just after anyone. By the time he gets to the 4th, 5th, 6th, those women aren't going to feel flattered. Why weren't they first? Is he only asking out of desperation now?

If the women all know each other that's really bad. They will all regard him as creepy. If he moves on to unrelated women then that's ok. No one is any the wiser.

How to show real appreciation? Get to know her over time before asking her on a date. You're in a group activity together. Get to know her that way first. When you do ask her out she'll feel like you're asking her out because of who she is, not because she's just a woman.

My female friends like this... but only if they actually find the man attractive and want to go out with him. Therein lie the rub. They get frustrated when the nice guy they've met at their mutual activity never asks them out and they start to wonder what is wrong with themselves.

There is no easy answer.

Straight guys going into Yoga classes are always doing it for the girls - duh.

3 out of how many millions??

If someone is cautious and only asks out someone he is really interested in, then that actually ups the success rate. I do know people that has happened to as well. That doesn't mean they were the first people they were ever attracted to though.

Then there's that other reason that people end up married being desperate enough to accept anyone at all - and I'm sure there are people out there who married someone because they were too scared to be alone or just felt like no one else would ever ask them. They are the people who tell me not to get married or even to never have a relationship because they regret it.

We can't live our lives by how happy other people look. We don't know what goes on at home.