How to become more empathetic toward someone?

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I want to be more empathetic towards my husband. But I don't know how to do that. Sometimes I feel a little guilty since he is pretty empathetic-- he is even empathetic about my lack of empathy. But I do know he would like me to be more empathetic if possible. So how do you do that? And I don't care about empathy in general, just with one person.

From my understanding of empathy, you either have it or you don't.

I have no idea.
When I want to feel some empathy, I have to sit there and imagine myself in the same situation and then see how I feel.
And even then, it does not always work.
Oddly, I feel empathy for people going through similar things to my own past experiences, but not otherwise.

That supports the notion of empathy being, in part, understanding. Trying on another's shoes, so to speak.

Empathy usually arises from having experienced what the person is or was experiencing or knowing that you might one day experience it. Beyond that, you have to think about things you have experienced that are similar to what he is experiencing. So, if he's experiencing feelings because of your lack of empathy, that is similar to people not understanding your AS because they have no frame of reference to your mind. When people can't understand you, it makes you feel alienated, misunderstood and alone. It can make you feel sad and helpless. He could be experiencing any of those. Just remember those awful feelings you had and know that he is probably experiencing something similar. You can do that with just about anything if you really think about what could be similar in your own experiences to what he's experiencing in the present.

why bother ?

Well, for instance, if an NT cannot be empathetic to your sensory issues toward noise and being physically around people or your exhaustion when you have conversations with people whether you like them or not, he or she is going to keep pushing you to socialize or go into crowded places when you'd rather not subject yourself to that trauma. He or she needs to really understand it to appreciate what it does to you and why you want to stay away. There are all sorts of situations like that where it helps if the person can actually understand why you feel the way you do or respond the way you do.

I was asking myself this not long ago, and I'm still not as empathetic as I'd like to be, but I think I'm still more empathetic than I used to be. I think you're already at the first step, which is to say to yourself that you WANT to have compassion. The next, I think, is to gain an understanding. Finally, you have to say to yourself that even though you don't agree with the other person, now that you understand them you can disagree without feeling the desire to change their opinion. But I could be totally wrong about this. The important thing is, you're on the right track--you're farther than most people get, because most people never WANT to be empathetic or to understand. ^_^

I have real problems showing empathy and I often worry how I come across to other people as a result.

I find that great pain in others is hard
to ignore. So, if you want to be more
empathetic, cause them great pain.

I'm okay at noticing large amounts of pain or elation. Slightly less intense emotions tend to bounce right off me, with no real impact.

I dont think u should really force yourself to be empathic, I just think u should force yourself maye to be more understanding, not saying u arent though.

well, that's one way to look at it.....

guess you'd have a better idea what they were up against at least

lol

I've read someplace that people who read alot of books are more empathic because the books teach you to see things from others perspectiv.. but i don't know how you could learn to understand just one person, besides just trying hard and be mindfull..