Anxiety of Society in a Relationship

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Hi. I've dated before and most of the time I was managing my social anxiety or oblivious to it. I've dated more than once and there are some things about it or related to it that makes me scared or overly anxious. Here are some I've been through: telling a man, no I don't want to date or can't date. It is really hard not to seem rude since this is hard for me. It's hard to not let myself get scared on how he may react (my overactive imagination I guess). Another, letting the other person buy me expensive things. I've noticed every person either wanted to buy me things or things like really expensive clothes, DVD, camera<--that was out of nowhere. Not that I'm complaining, I guess that's how others care. It's hard for me to have a job for long term. so I guess I'm just feel bad about that. One other, dating a really good person that stands out and having other flack on me from throwing rumors at me or about me to making note of any past mistake and throwing it in my face. This last one's crippling. It touches on some past experience that makes me feel fearful of others. Any others deal with anxiety a relationship regarding society? Or suggestions? I hope I am wording this right.

* others flack on me... I had to correct this.

* anxiety in a relationship regarding society.... Correction. It won't surprise me if no one responds. It's hard for me to talk about this topic a lot.

I've read other women saying that they find it intimidating turning a man down because they are scared of his reaction. You are not alone in that.

I would feel uncomfortable too if someone offered to buy me expensive things. It would feel like they're expecting something in return for being generous. It makes me suspicious.

If he wants just sex, an escort would be more guaranreed and probably cheaper than an expensive gift.

Many men.... are socially conditioned that they should buy expensive gifts to show love.

Look at how men line up to buy diamond engagement rings despite the fact that 99.9% (yes that much) of men think that diamonds are ridiculously waste of money.

If it's early in the relationship it's kind of creepy and controlling though. Narcissistic people want power over you and this is one of their tricks, so that's kind of scary. Psychological manipulation is scary.

You wonder if it's a kind gift or a manipulation. Well, people who've had dealings with people who have personality disorder do. The naive think it's sweet, and get trapped by a psycho. Then no one believes that the guy is a psycho because he's "so nice". I've seen it happen.

When a man is very rich he's always "so nice" ie. Christisn Grey.

It's just so awful that sort of thing is celebrated in pop culture. Naive women can get easily sucked in by that. I have friends and family who had horrible relationship with abusive men and women because they seemed so charming at first.

The problem is you begin to be suspicious of those with good intentions and it's stressful and you don't know who to trust.

I wonder if that's what the op was getting at

No he is not he borders on domestically abusive. Control is the main crux of domestic abuse

Boo knows that. He was using sarcasm. The weird thing is how popular that book is. The indication is that a lot of women think it's a romance.

*edit
More troubling than weird

Exactly....I saw the film trailer for part II, it is coming out soon, COOL! More sarcasm material!

I wanted to get opinions from others on the topic. There's three men that bought me expensive things. One of these bought me a lot, like I look at a blanket, me, "that's cool", him, "do you want that?", me being literal in truth, " yeah, guess", him, "Here you go", me . These 3 from what I remember did get to know me for a while at least for three meetings or more. There is one other man I forgot to mention. He did his best to buy me expensive things on our first date, to me at least, jewlery, shirts. I let him buy me one thing cause he literally begged me. I hardly knew him other than once and on the phone a few times. After that date, where he tried to kiss me twice, and later on the phone asked me to come to his house alone. Yeah...I told him that I don't just want to go alone and have sex, literally. And he was like, come on, honey. I didn't see him again. This is the only example that fit the extreme. I guess if I was looking for a one night stand or "friend" with "benefits" that would have been the guy. I just didn't trust him.

^ Such men see all the women they date as prostitutes- point blank.

Are you talking about the last example? Yeah, I guess i did the right thing then not seeing him again. The first 3 though? I wrote that we met a few times, or knew eachother before them buying things for me. I've tried not to be as literal or not let someone buy me expensive stuff all at once. I'm trying to keep that habit regarding this.

And, plus I've never put up a vibe that says im a prostitute. Are you just saying he was not a good person?

Yes, I was referring to the last man in particular, but you should also suspecting of men who give you over-expensive gifts just after few meetings, especially if it's not a reciprocating gesture within an already established relationship - expensive gifts in my opinion should only happen within an already established relationship, and it should be reciprocating .

Don't be naive, three dates is nothing, it's not an enough time for someone to fall in love with you.

I don't know you but he was obviously seeking for sex as a reward for his gifts.