Why does getting a girlfriend have to be so complicated?

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Why is it that every time I get a girl's number they either don't answer, make up lame excuses, or hang up? What the hell am I doing wrong?

Like sometimes I'll see a random girl, say she's cute, ask if she's single, and if she'd like to exchange numbers. They always SEEM happy to do so, yet, 9/10, getting their number doesn't lead to a date. Most girls I meet are liars, back-stabbers.

I'm not a bad-looking guy either. I've been called "cute" or "handsome" literally hundreds of times. I get that I'm a stranger and all, but I have no other way of getting a girlfriend. Even online dating doesn't work. Almost every girl I encounter wants nothing to do with me. I feel helpless, trapped, no way out. Too high to get over, too low to get under... I'm stuck in the middle and the pain is thunder.

Do desperate girls exist?! Where are they?! I need a instant girlfriend ASAP! I'm sick and tired of being alone every day. I'm a simple person, I'm not asking for much. Does anyone understand what I'm saying??? Are any there any easy, simple-minded girls who AREN'T complicated?! I'm not looking for a hook-up, all I need is just a female friend who wants a relationship. Apparently that's too much to ask for 'cause everyone is so untrusting. I don't know what to do. My life is in a rut and I'm not allowed to have female friends. I feel powerless. Like I'm doomed to be forever alone...

This is supposed to be freakin' simple! I'm doing all the right things! Does ANYBODY understand what I'm saying, or am I one of the few human beings on earth???

How is it that there are so many single females, yet they all act like they don't need a man?! Man I'm so desperate and alone I would PAY for a girlfriend. Not a prostitute, A GIRLFRIEND. I would literally pay a thousand dollars for one. I'm not even kidding. I don't wanna be stuck like this for the rest of my life...

Sorry for the long rant. Help? Any girlfriend-getting methods that are guaranteed to work? I'm at my wits end...

Who's telling you that if you're not talking to many girls?

There are, but the most you're likely to get out of them is a hook-up, sadly enough.

Middle-aged women that are happily married with kids call me "handsome" a lot. And every once in a while, girls around my age call me "cute". Sometimes they ask if I have a girlfriend, or they might say "All the girls must be chasing you" or something corny like that, when little do they know the irony.

Hmm... Do you think a sexual approach is guaranteed to work next time I get a number? Maybe it's true that they're all sl uts, and they gave me their number assuming that I just wanted a quick hook-up? I haven't tried a sexual approach with a girl I just met, and I'm afraid that a sexual approach might scare them off or offend them. But if it doesn't, then maybe I could use sexuality as a way to build a relationship, hypothetically? Why would they want a quick hook-up anyway? What could they possibly get out of that? How is that they don't need a man, yet they're sexual? Damn, women are so confusing... I don't know anything...

Maybe try exchanging a few text messages first, before jumping headlong in to a telephone conversation. Perhaps you are giving off a bit of an intense vibe? Alternatively and it's not nice to bring it up but perhaps they give you their number to get you to go away- it's a common strategy in the face of male intimidation. There may be other reasons as well but viewing an entire gender as liars and backstabbers isn't going to help your romantic endeavours; It's absolutely not true that "they're all sl uts" and coming from that angle is only going to make things harder for you and cause you more pain and frustration in the long run.

There are no fool proof methods, just trial and error and the opportunity to meet new people. Sure desperate people exist but do you think 2 people desperately settling for the first person to come along and settle for them will be the situation to bring you happiness? I know loneliness, romantic or otherwise, can be a truly terrible thing but the amount of pressure put on getting a relationship is more than likely harming your chances.

How do you fair in conversation? Are you able/willing to talk to these girls and get to know them a bit before hand or is it a case of just exchanging numbers?

"they give you their number to get you to go away" JUST AS I FIGURED. "How do you fair in conversation? Are you able/willing to talk to these girls and get to know them a bit" I'm terrible at talking to girls. I don't know what they like to talk about, and I'm always afraid of saying the wrong things. I feel as if I have to be a one-man show. I don't know anything about the female gender PERSONALLY. The only woman I know is my mother and this one girl I went on a date with once back in high school. On top of that, I'm an only-child with mild Asperger's and social anxiety. I don't know how females think. They're like aliens from another universe. The only people I understand are guys. I wish I could get to know a female, but they never open up. They expect ME to do all the ice-breaking because they're pricks and it's my gender-role.

From my experience (as an AS guy who received a late diagnosis)- talking to females is no different to talking to anyone else, I'd give any lewd sexual talk a miss as a general rule but it's the same thing, talk about each others interests/aspirations/what makes you laugh/etc and try to find some common ground.

If there is a romantic connection, fantastic. If not, you've had some good practice and are making new female friends/connections which will probably help demystify things for you a bit or take away some of the anxiety as you will have a frame of reference.

Girls aren't going to date someone they don't know. If you walk up to girls you don't know and the extent of your interaction is "can I have your number" then they might give it (or a fake one) to avoid awkwardness but the chances of that turning into a date are almost zero.

You need to show a girl that you are someone she might want to date. You can do this in two ways...one is to become friends with her first and then see if she would want to take that to be more than friends. The other way would be to spend more time with these strangers you meet. Alas this means mainly chatting them up in bars etc, and if you can wow her with your personality during that time she is more willing to want to follow it up with a date. If you can't do that then the first method is probably more for you.

But asking strangers for their number is almost never going to result in a date...think about it, what is in it for her?

"talking to females is no different to talking to anyone else" You really think so? Then why is it so damn hard to get them to open up and have a conversation with me?! The female gender is the only gender that's screwed me over for years... And you expect me to believe that we're equals?! I don't think so! They might as well be sub-human!

I'm totally screwed man, but thanks for trying to help.

You're welcome, but I'd say please don't give up and try to be positive (I know it's hard). I sincerely hope you will be able to view this in less negative terms and see some success either romantically or with new female friends.

Just as I figured... By seeing this stranger regularly, (if possible) I might impress her with my personality, which leads to building a relationship and becoming friends, then possibly meeting up for a date/meeting soon somewhere, which could lead to an actual relationship. All of this is easier said than done of course, but thanks for the reassurance. If only society was simple... I guess I'm just weird for being so deprived and trusting of strangers. Or maybe I should've been born in a time when the world was simpler and women didn't have rights. In that case I would've been married a long time ago!

If you seem pushy, intimidating or so awkward you are unpredictable or don't pick up on some subtle cues that mean they are uncomfortable with the situation, yes just giving you their number and ignoring you later on is a common strategy to get rid of you.

If you had a conversation with the girl before asking for her number and the conversation went well this won't be the case and she'll be a lot more likely to actually want to talk to you again. If you just walk up to her and right away ask for her number she probably just gives it to you because what you do might confuse or scare her.



It's true that men are more likely to take the initial steps in getting to know a girl than the other way round. If you really have to do all the ice-breaking the girl is either very shy, very passive or the conversation is probably not going very well.
Unless a guy has great social skills he will have a hard time getting a date with a random girl he first meets in a random place. I'm not saying that approaching random girls can't lead to a date but it's perfectly normal that the vast majority will turn you down one way or another and, unless you have really great self-confidence, it'll likely be quite detrimental to your confidence (or likely already was).


voidofcontext is very right.
If you talk to a girl like you talk to any person you don't risk coming off as creepy and you have a much better chance of getting to know her even if you won't immediately have a date with her. Instead of focusing on immediately getting a girlfriend, try to get some practice talking to girls - you might even get a girlfriend in the process even if you are not primarily talking to them only to get a girlfriend.
Girls like to be appreciated as people not just as females.



It's likely hard because you likely interact with them in an awkward way and immediately let them know you want a date without giving them any reason to want a date with you (they don't know you and you don't make a good first impression). There are mean girls but if something keeps happening with several women who don't know each other what they do probably is a direct reaction to what you do instead of them trying to screw you over. Even if nothing about your intentions is wrong, they will avoid you if you give off that impression and they will get that impression if you do something a lot of guys who are nasty or dangerous do or if something you do is really awkward and they can't interpret why you act that way.
(this doesn't mean every man who has a hard time getting a girlfriend comes off as creepy; there are several men on this forum who just seem very shy or in a harmless way awkward or have for other reasons a hard time)

Also, if you have a very negative opinion about women, why would any woman want to get to know you? A woman wants a boyfriend who lovers her, not one who thinks of her as sub-human. I'll repeat myself here: Women like to be treated like people; if you can't do that they will avoid you for a good reason.

Your attitude is horrible and you'll get nowhere thinking that women are subhumans here to just make you miserable.

Great rule of thumb: if all of your interactions with all women are bad, it's not them - the common denominator is you. And blaming everyone else for the bad outcome is not the least bit attractive.

How many outside activities are you involved with? Are you in school? Do you work? It's pretty obvious that you need to work on those social skills because you won't get a date by just asking some stranger out on a date. It doesn't work that way. And where did you get the idea that it did?

You are like a lot of guys who want to blame everyone else for your issue. You need to check that attitude because it's unattractive. Take responsibility for yourself. You are on Wrong Planet, so you obviously know you're autistic, so surely you must be also aware that your social skills are not up to par.

If what you've been doing is not working, do something else. Change it. But lose the blame game, seriously.

Please, Sir....no sexual talk while you're trying to get a date.

Talk to them like a person. It's really the best approach. Talk about what fascinates you. Listen to what fascinates them. If there's a commonality, make sure she knows there is one.

Compliment them on what they're wearing, not on their looks,

Never talk about the "singles scene" or how everything is "stacked" against men.

"if you have a very negative opinion about women, why would any woman want to get to know you? A woman wants a boyfriend who lovers her, not one who thinks of her as sub-human." They don't know that, and I obviously wouldn't tell them what I really think about them because it would hurt their feelings, even though I'd love more than anything to give them a piece of my mind.

"If you talk to a girl like you talk to any person you don't risk coming off as creepy and you have a much better chance of getting to know her" But I can't talk to an attractive girl like any other person. I just can't help it. What am I supposed to do, treat them like one of the dudes? They're females. They think differently, they're not one of us. They're nothing at all like us as far as I know, and they keep proving my point. Online, that's different. You're one of the friendly ones, and on the internet I have a little more time to think over what I'm going to say to someone.

This has been a very depressing read, to further my point that society is so untrusting of one another. If only we lived in a perfect world where it's perfectly normal to meet new people and make friends with strangers all willy nilly, no questions asked, 'cause everyone is carefree and no one wants to do any harm. But no, we can't have that. Every male is assumed to be a rapist monster. I wish I didn't need a girlfriend, but I can't help it. With that being said, adieu, Wrong Planet. I shall resume my crappy life.