Do you get a break from the girl you're wooing...

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WildMan
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30 May 2007, 11:52 pm

...with sympathy points and all, if you casually mention at some point that you're an Aspie?

Or maybe she'll think you're "special" like Johnny Depp in "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?"?

Is there any way to use it to one's advantage, or at least to better one's chances, or to counteract the 'handicap' that AS might present to getting somewhere with a lady?

Or is that just wishful thinking?



calandale
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31 May 2007, 12:00 am

I doubt it. Though, it's something you should
certainly mention, at some point - at least as
an explanation of a number of traits which are
not what they're used to. Might have helped my
wife, if we had known about it.



Phssthpok
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31 May 2007, 12:00 am

Mental illness is not something that most women find attractive. I would keep it to yourself and bring it up later besides if you're like me you don't really want that to be your defining characteristic that you tell to everyone right off the bat.



TruenoBlues
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31 May 2007, 12:22 am

WildMan wrote:
...with sympathy points and all, if you casually mention at some point that you're an Aspie?

Or maybe she'll think you're "special" like Johnny Depp in "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?"?

Is there any way to use it to one's advantage, or at least to better one's chances, or to counteract the 'handicap' that AS might present to getting somewhere with a lady?

Or is that just wishful thinking?


Leonardo Decaprio was the "special" one in Gilbert Grape. I don't think it'll make a difference. It never did with me.


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gwenevyn
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31 May 2007, 12:25 am

Phssthpok wrote:
Mental illness is not something that most women find attractive. I would keep it to yourself and bring it up later besides if you're like me you don't really want that to be your defining characteristic that you tell to everyone right off the bat.


While I wouldn't categorize AS as a mental illness, as such, even if it is in the DSM-IV... he's right.

For example (coming from a girl here), when I'm browsing a singles site, I would be much more likely to welcome contact from a man who has aspie traits but either doesn't mention or doesn't know he's an aspie... than a man who in the first paragraph of his profile says he has AS. I don't actually care whether he has it but I would find it worrisome if this is the first self-describing term that leaps to a man's mind. I would figure if it's that much at the forefront of his self-identity, he is fairly likely to use it as an excuse for poor behavior.

Like they said already, it would be a good idea to mention it at an early point in a relationship. But there's no need or advantage in mentioning it right off the bat.



calandale
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31 May 2007, 1:14 am

Indeed, I mention it in my profile on a dating site. :P

But, I tailored that profile to drive people away,
so perhaps it's not a fair assessment. On the other
hand, I find actual insanity somewhat arousing. The
only woman that I kissed, in the last 2 years or so, was
primarily because she admitted being insane. If she had
been more physically attractive to me, I would have
invited more.



Esperanza
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31 May 2007, 1:44 am

gwenevyn wrote:
Phssthpok wrote:
Mental illness is not something that most women find attractive. I would keep it to yourself and bring it up later besides if you're like me you don't really want that to be your defining characteristic that you tell to everyone right off the bat.


While I wouldn't categorize AS as a mental illness, as such, even if it is in the DSM-IV... he's right.

For example (coming from a girl here), when I'm browsing a singles site, I would be much more likely to welcome contact from a man who has aspie traits but either doesn't mention or doesn't know he's an aspie... than a man who in the first paragraph of his profile says he has AS. I don't actually care whether he has it but I would find it worrisome if this is the first self-describing term that leaps to a man's mind. I would figure if it's that much at the forefront of his self-identity, he is fairly likely to use it as an excuse for poor behavior.

Like they said already, it would be a good idea to mention it at an early point in a relationship. But there's no need or advantage in mentioning it right off the bat.


This is a really good point. If I were to browse a dating site I would have the same thought, consciously or subconsciously.



gwenevyn
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31 May 2007, 1:58 am

calandale wrote:
I find actual insanity somewhat arousing.


Well, you're hardly alone in that. I don't get fluttery over people who so nutty as to be unreachable or unreasonable. But the mad poets... the moth of Don Marquis, immolating himself on a patent cigar lighter... the romantic, wabi-sabi soul, quavering under the weight of tremendous thought. Ay de mi! :oops:

I have trouble identifying the melancholics who've stepped off the destructo-go-round though. Maybe because there are so few? Which is a problem since I am fairly sure that I would need one, supposing I'm ever going down pair street again.



calandale
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31 May 2007, 2:17 am

The good ones'll tell you that they're still on it. :P



gwenevyn
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31 May 2007, 2:31 am

Well, hopefully at least some of them have progressed from snorting coke to merely downing an entire container of bon-bons for comfort.

Nah, honestly, I think the outlook is way brighter than that.



calandale
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31 May 2007, 2:33 am

gwenevyn wrote:
Well, hopefully at least some of them have progressed from snorting coke to merely downing an entire container of bon-bons for comfort.

Nah, honestly, I think the outlook is way brighter than that.


Comfort? Eh, you're used to amateurs. Drowning oneself
in material existence is what the drones do anyhow. Anyone
who seeks solace from the pain is just compromising.



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31 May 2007, 2:49 am

Illness is weakness
that's why I'm tattooing
"I'M AUTISTIC" and "MENTALLY ILL" on my left arm
to show my strength
not for bastardized ballooning
but for shooting down peoples’ hair length



gwenevyn
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31 May 2007, 3:16 am

calandale wrote:
Anyone
who seeks solace from the pain is just compromising.


The more I think about this, the more I think you're right.



calandale
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31 May 2007, 3:18 am

gwenevyn wrote:
calandale wrote:
Anyone
who seeks solace from the pain is just compromising.


The more I think about this, the more I think you're right.


Better be careful, or I'll turn you into a depressive emo
like myself. :P



gwenevyn
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31 May 2007, 3:29 am

Nonono... it wasn't a depressed thought at all. Just a flush of shame and the resolution to do better.



calandale
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31 May 2007, 3:40 am

Shame. A hard call. I never feel it when the
purely animal side of me is invoked. No matter
what the cost. But, the pensive, human, side
is always held to the task.