The impossible just happened. Now what?

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The world must be ending tomorrow, because what was once considered impossible has just happened. That's right, someone just agreed to be my girlfriend. I was speaking to a woman on a dating site, and she was pretty quick to say that we weren't a good match. However, when I told her that I had Asperger's she became very insistent that I meet her roommate, Kristin. Kristin is also slightly autistic (she doesn't know if it's Asperger's, but it's pretty close), loves reading, writing, and playing video games. She's also a church going Christian like me, which only makes things more awesome. At the first girl's urging, we connected on Facebook and chatted for a while. Today we agreed to meet up for the first time and get a coffee, and then we wandered around Barnes and Noble for a while. At the end of the date, we both agreed that we'd like to be boyfriend and girlfriend. She's 30 years old while I'm 24, but that doesn't bother either of us. She's admittedly pretty awkward, but so am I, so who cares? She's never dated anyone either so she's just as new to this as I am. I can tell she's really nervous, but the fact that she said yes instead of "Let's wait a while" is really encouraging, you know? We've already agreed that we'll try to get together once a week. We're going to get dinner sometime next week. I'm so happy I can't think straight!

So, assuming that the world DOESN'T explode tomorrow, what happens next? What is the typical process people go through when they're dating? When does it become okay to hold their hand? Hug them? Kiss them? Invite them home for non-sex related activities like movies and video games? I don't want to screw this up, so somebody give me some tips here!

Slow down...go with the flow...

Now...you can teach all the other "forever alones" how it's done!

Are you familiar with forever alone and the lingo that comes with it?

Especially r/ForeverAlone?

If so...(volume warning, it's loud)



I wish you luck, take it slow, see how things go, and if things go well for you...

Normie, Get out REEEEEEE!! !!

To answer all of your questions: There is no set time. It is entirely up to the two parties involved. Let things happen naturally.

If she is the kind of aspie that does not like surprise touch and prefers open, honest communication, than do this.

Ask her for permission if she is this kind of aspie.

Ensure lots of communication. Don't obviously overshare all your problems and issues right now, but later on down the line do not be afraid of communication.

If you make mistakes, especially making her uncomfortable by moving too fast, apologize immediately and then slow things down.

This simply means for example if you kiss her when she's not ready, apologize for moving too fast and don't do it again for a while.

Come back here later if you need anymore help/advice.

I agree with he go with the flow idea. Just continue to get to know each other and the rest wil come naturally and congrats!

My half brother is married to a woman named Kristin, so I decided to break the news to my parents in a clever way. I rang them up, then said, "Hey Dad, how do you feel about having TWO daughters-in-law named Kristin?" I'm sure he'll laugh with me as soon as the heart attack ends.

Awesome news, congrats! I'm happy that things worked out so well.

Sometimes, when I feel lonely and miserable, it's stories like these that cheer me up and tell me something great might come when I least expect it.

Also, I agree with "take it slow." It can be hard for us to pick up on peoples' cues, so I'd take it cautiously, but if it feels right to hold her hand? Like if you two are walking together and the night's going well? Then either ask "want to hold hands?" or lightly brush it to gauge her reaction, if positive gently placing your hand in hers. Hugging, similar. I'd definitely ask permission before kissing unless you're certain her body language is saying "go for it."

Inviting her home for video games is an awesome idea, for the record. Though I'd make it explicit that it's for hanging out, not even mentioning sex. Just to minimize the chance she misinterprets it as like "want to go to my room for some 'coffee'?"

Well, it's been all of three days and I'm already worried she's going to leave me, lol. I tried texting and Facebook chatting with her yesterday, and she almost only gave me one word answers all day. Am I pushing her too hard? Coming on too strong? Should I not be trying to have a conversation with her every day? It's not like I'm talking strictly about our relationship, I'm trying to talk about things I think we'd both enjoy, like books or movies or video games. Am I overreacting? What should I do?

"Hey, I don't mean to stress or worry, but from past experiences when people gave me short responses like this, it was an indication they weren't interested in speaking to me and disliked me. This might just be the way you communicate, but I would not know that yet since I've only just met you recently. I know you may not mean this, but I wanted to politely ask if I'm bothering you when you're busy or coming across too clingy and 'smothering'? If this is the case, I can be more thoughtful about how much I message you and won't bother you as much. Just get back to me when you're personally ready to talk or meet up again for another date. Hope to hear from you soon."

/YourVariation

Discuss?

Something something dividing by zero...


Congratulatuions, man!

As for what happens next, well, I guess that's up to the two of you. Take it easy, talk to eachother and I'm sure it'll be fine.



Also, for some brownie points, send a bottle of good wine or something to the roommate.

So, unsurprisingly, my dad isn't all too happy about this. He says I'm taking things too fast. Me and Kristin spent a few days chatting over Facebook and then met in person for coffee before deciding we wanted to date. According to my dad, the right way to do this is to meet her, become her friend, become her best friend, and you don't really know when you become boyfriend and girlfriend because you never explicitly ask. It just happens. Is that how "normal" people do it? Because that sounds like a waste of time, especially if you're both interested in each other romantically from the start.

You've answered your own question.

A lot of powerful relationships do begin out of a friendship first, but so do many begin out of simply going on a few dates with a woman and then mutually agreeing to be in a relationship together.

There are benefits to eventually dating a long-time friend, but there are also drawbacks, namely that it is an inefficient and unreliable method to find love.

Unfortunately, in my personal experiences it seems to be the way many girls and women like to do things, by really 'getting to know' the man first.

But, this is counter-productive because it could only mean once she discovers more about him, she can only see him as a friend and he may still develop feelings/attraction for her.

It's in my experiences that when a man and woman are friends, the man may harbor deep, sub-concious or well-known and open feelings for a woman, emotionally or physical, and it's very unlikely she'll feel the same. When some woman sees a man as 'just a friend' it is very likely this is the case and VERY set in stone for him, while some young boys and men I've known would still be open to the idea of at least giving a female friend a chance if she wanted a more intimate or physical relationship, even if he wasn't romantically interested in her, he'd still give her a chance.

This is why, as you may or may not know, some men at least appear to be far more likely to fall into the 'friendzone' than some women are.

I find some men have always had a far more logical and efficient approach to dating.

For some of us, it appears to be something like this:

See attractive woman -> Get to know her personally, either by becoming an aqauintance or having a few enjoyable conversations with her -> If we like her personality so far, ask for her number or ask her out on a date -> Also give online dating a try, always end up disappointed -> Rinse and repeat, it's a number's game -> 3-6 dates later, if things are still going well, ask her if she wants to be exclusive.

For some women, it's a lot more like this:

Make friends -> Meet new men through mutual friends -> Spend time chatting to men on online dating to get to know them because she's too uncomfortable with men approaching her in the streets, even though the reality is it's not that much different than getting to know a man online because the only extra things she knows is a brief description of his personality and basic attributes like age, height, etc. -> Also continue to hang out with male acquaintances and male friends. -> Get to know many of them personally -> 2-8 years later, fall for a male friend -> Attempt to hint attraction, or ask him out -> Rinse and Repeat, it's a number's game -> 3-8 dates later, if things go well, ask for mutual exclusiveness.

Pick one...

All of my relationships started as friendships first, but there was definitely a moment where it "happened" in each case and became more than a friendship. Basically, a mutual "...I like you" moment. A month to three months after meeting, in each case.

Okay, time for an awkward question. She's wanting to take this slower than I do, but I'm fine with that. Maybe she'll even decide to open up a little faster once she gets more comfortable around me. Anyway, if we ever get to the point where I think we're ready for more, ah, intimate stuff, how do I bring this up with her without either offending her or scaring her off?