Did I do something wrong?

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I haven't posted here for a long time, but now I feel like venting my accumulated thoughts and asking for some outsider opinion.

I'm just over a breakup after one and a half years of being in a long-distance relationship. I'm still unsure if I'm AS or not, but she is. I feel like I did everything I could to make it work, and to bring the two of us together physically. I am originally from Hungary, but I accepted a job in England only to make sure I have enough money to move to America eventually. Our disagreements came from me wanting to meet her family over Skype to make sure I'm welcome when I visit her. I didn't want to just jump in and say "hi, I'm her boyfriend from the other side of the planet". I think I did my best to understand that she was so stressed about all this, but I got over my stress, and introduced her to my parents when we were about two months into the relationship. I thought it would be high time for her to do the same, otherwise the relationship would be doomed (as she still lives with her parents). She couldn't do it, and the whole thing turned out like I was too forceful, too pushy, and I'm a dickhead who shattered her dreams. It deeply hurt to see her like that, and one part of me blames myself for pushing too hard. The other part says that I was right, because a relationship really can't work if it's dominated by her fear of her parents' opinion about me. Maybe she was ashamed of having a long-distance relationship. Maybe I should have been more patient about this. I have too many thoughts in my mind, and I can't sort them out.

The other thing is me being the dickhead in the end. She said I was too controlling, and our whole relationship was just a waste of time. It lasted for a year and a half, and I think I showed her my love and appreciation the best way I could, and she did the same. We had some of the same hobbies, and some different ones, but I loved her every bit. I still see our relationship as an amazing time, and I will always hold it in my heart as something precious, even though it came to a bitter end. I want to remember one and a half years of love and fun and joy, not a few days of arguing. What made her change her mind about me so quickly, and why do I still think of her as an amazing human being? I mean, I don't want to relive the past and undo everything, because what happened happened. I just want to understand how I turned from being the love of her life into a waste of time just like that. I literally gave up my life for her, and now I'm stranded far away from my family in a job that I don't like, and the only thing I want is to understand why, and what makes me the bad person in all this. I want to know why I cried over the past week.

I know you guys don't know much about us, or the situation, but I'm happy to get every piece of insight you have.

I don't think so.

If you wanted an introduction to her family prior to meeting them in person and she reacted that way, well, it's a red flag that things weren't going to work out and weren't meant to be. It'd be different if your plans together were to elope and never meet each others' families.

I like your "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" approach to all of this. I think that's very healthy and positive. I remind myself of this cliche often, whether I have a crush or am dating someone.. if it doesn't work out, it's going to sting, buuuuut life goes on and at least I enjoyed feeling good for as long as I did.

The reason you, and countless others, did what you did? Love. It's the most powerful force in the Universe and has been known to be the cause of many people doing crazy s**t throughout all of human history.

It wasn't a waste of time or effort even if the only thing you learn out of it is that this is not going to work out as planned. At least you learned that, got to travel, see a different place and culture, and probably learned a lot about yourself and what you're capable of doing when you set out to do it, what you value, what you want to do next and so on and so on.

You're in the here and now in your exact situation, acknowledge, accept, and make a plan to move forward in whatever direction you'd like to move - even if that's back home where you came from for family, comfort, and familiarity. That's not giving up and retreating. It's forward progress if it makes you happy.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

Meeting the parents over Skype seems weird to me. I certainly would have hated it if my partner suggested it. My partner travelled down to meet them dace to face for the first time (we are LD)

Also after only 2 months seems really quick.

Lastly it should of been her decision on her grounds. She knows her parents best and would have known when it was best for you to meet them. It wasn't for you to decide when she wants to make intoductions. My fiance didn't introduce me to his friends until we had been together for a year.

Yeah, once I notice someone ignoring my expressly stated boundaries (more than once), I'm out. And pushing them continuously would make me run. Fast.
The reason why is: 1. social contact is hard enough without the other party adding more stress to it and 2. it's hard to trust people as manipulators seem drawn to neuro-atypical people. She's probably been burned before as well. So once there's a hint of someone crossing lines or acting controlling - even unintentionally - the defense mechanisms take over.

Thank you all for the replies.

It wasn't after two months when I wanted an introduction. We spent one and a half years together, and I was patient, but I just couldn't take being the bad person who should be afraid of her parents anymore. I wanted to make sure I'm welcome. I didn't want to spend $1,000 on flight tickets, accommodation, and everything just to be rejected and hated in the end. I also thought it would have been rude towards her parents if I just showed up out of the blue. We were planning to get together in May, but for that, I needed my company holidays and everything sorted out which is not a 5-minute nuisance. I also wanted her to see that there's probably nothing to be afraid of. I know I pushed too hard, and I still feel broken and lost for all of this.

Also, I moved 1,000 miles away from my family, I accepted a job that I don't like, and I've been saving all the money just for the sake of our relationship. I didn't feel like a simple request like that would be wrong at this point.

goldfish21: Thank you. I want to go on with my life, I really do, but there are times when I feel like I can't. I still replay every moment in my mind, and I'm still trying to figure out how to correct my mistakes. I wasn't trying to control her. I was trying to make sure everything was going on the right track. She might have felt it like I pushed her too hard, but I had the best intentions. I didn't do it for me, I did it for us. I'm still trying to think of a way to show how much I regret what I did, and I hope she can forgive me one day.

A part of me is trying to interpret her actions as red flags, but I also see my error in all this, which kind of makes it even. Anyhow, none of this makes me feel better.

Edited: I'm also trying to move on, and look at what I have instead of what I lost. It seems like I'm constantly shifting between regret, and a forced positive outlook on the future. Maybe this wasn't the best time to open this conversation. Maybe I should have given myself some time to cope with the situation.

If you never met her it's possible she may of been a catfish

Had you ever met her in person before? I'm getting the impression is no.

Are you sure there wasn't something else going on? Like she was married and hadn't told you?

You weren't sending her money, were you?

It doesn't sound like you were, but just checking.

My feeling is that she might have trouble with intimacy.

Sounds like someone I talked to on OKCupid for FAR too long years ago. She seemed interesting and we had many long talks. In fact, she seemed almost like a dream: smart, same age, good looking (from her pictures) and interested in the same thing I was. After what seemed like at least a month of talking, once I asked her to meet up she kept making up the most ridiculous excuses over and over, usually based on having to travel for work on short notice. I blamed myself for a long time for "pushing her away" when in reality, she was either never really that interested in meeting or couldn't handle a real flesh and blood relationship. She contacted me again weeks later like it was nothing and we did the same song and dance: everything was going great, I was having a ton of fun talking to her, she really opened up about lots of things and I was imagining all the fun we would no doubt have once we met and of course we never did: she flaked on our meeting after I cornered her (metaphorically) about finally meeting once and for all. I was so distraught over what a failure I was I almost called 911 when in reality it was most likely an issue she had LONG before she contacted me.

Like the OP I doubt she was a catfish or lied about who she was because she never asked for money or anything else but it won't lie that it still makes me scratch my head over and over: after all, SHE contacted ME both times and just threw me away without a word rather than talking her concerns over. So, in other words OP, I highly doubt you did anything wrong and she most likely never thought you were actually serious about coming across the world for her. You did what any reasonable, rational, sane person would do before embarking on such a journey.