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My sister is making me hate women

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Closet Genious
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02 May 2017, 2:09 am

To start off, I love my sister, we've been through so much stuff together and I always want to be there for her the best way I can. But it's getting inreasingly difficult to enjoy the time I spend with her. Everytime now when we're together, all these really harsh judgements about men fly out of her mouth. She acts as if all men should be these perfect creatures who runs around saving the world and never makes mistakes. It seems like she has no empathy or patience for men, and when she speaks this way, I feel like this applies to me aswell. I get sad and angry at the same time. Sad because I know some of these criticisms could be applied to me, and it makes me feel worthless. Angry because she doesn't even analyze and reflect about her own mistakes.

This is really getting me. I used to be bitter about women, but now I was actually excited about getting back uni after summer, and maybe start dating again, but now I am just getting bitter about it again... The way my sister speaks, makes me feel like I am not even allowed to be a human being and try my best. It's either perfect or worthless.



The_Face_of_Boo
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02 May 2017, 2:23 am

This is a very common female narrative about men honestly; I have seen it a lot on dating sites where women complain how few 'real men' are and how 99% of men are losers and worthless. The term "Loser" is an extremely genderized term as well - it's not a male-specific term language wise but its usage on ground is aimed almost exclusively at males.



Chronos
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07 May 2017, 2:53 am

Closet Genious wrote:
To start off, I love my sister, we've been through so much stuff together and I always want to be there for her the best way I can. But it's getting inreasingly difficult to enjoy the time I spend with her. Everytime now when we're together, all these really harsh judgements about men fly out of her mouth. She acts as if all men should be these perfect creatures who runs around saving the world and never makes mistakes. It seems like she has no empathy or patience for men, and when she speaks this way, I feel like this applies to me aswell. I get sad and angry at the same time. Sad because I know some of these criticisms could be applied to me, and it makes me feel worthless. Angry because she doesn't even analyze and reflect about her own mistakes.

This is really getting me. I used to be bitter about women, but now I was actually excited about getting back uni after summer, and maybe start dating again, but now I am just getting bitter about it again... The way my sister speaks, makes me feel like I am not even allowed to be a human being and try my best. It's either perfect or worthless.


I'm sorry your sister is a sexist jerk. May you also not become a sexist jerk.



Closet Genious
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07 May 2017, 3:10 am

I'm sorry your sister is a sexist jerk. May you also not become a sexist jerk.[/quote]

It might already be to late for me, I am not proud of it though.



Chronos
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07 May 2017, 3:13 am

Closet Genious wrote:
I'm sorry your sister is a sexist jerk. May you also not become a sexist jerk.


It might already be to late for me, I am not proud of it though.[/quote]

Then how are you any better than her? If she is in the wrong (and she is), if you are the same, how are you not in the wrong?



Closet Genious
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07 May 2017, 3:25 am

Chronos wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
I'm sorry your sister is a sexist jerk. May you also not become a sexist jerk.


It might already be to late for me, I am not proud of it though.


Then how are you any better than her? If she is in the wrong (and she is), if you are the same, how are you not in the wrong?[/quote]

Because I am not the same, I don't go around and talk openly about it, and I know deep down the bitterness I feel sometimes is silly. I like to believe I still have some compassion left in me.



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07 May 2017, 3:31 am

Closet Genious wrote:
Chronos wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
I'm sorry your sister is a sexist jerk. May you also not become a sexist jerk.


It might already be to late for me, I am not proud of it though.


Chronos wrote:
Then how are you any better than her? If she is in the wrong (and she is), if you are the same, how are you not in the wrong?


Because I am not the same, I don't go around and talk openly about it, and I know deep down the bitterness I feel sometimes is silly. I like to believe I still have some compassion left in me.


Fair enough.



Closet Genious
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07 May 2017, 3:31 am

I also don't have unrealistic expectations for a future potential partner.



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07 May 2017, 3:33 am

Have you told her that what she says is hurtful? Have you had a conversation about it? Sometimes people don't actually realise how they are until a mirror is held up to them.



Closet Genious
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07 May 2017, 3:41 am

hurtloam wrote:
Have you told her that what she says is hurtful? Have you had a conversation about it? Sometimes people don't actually realise how they are until a mirror is held up to them.


I haven't, and I don't think anyone has ever challenged her attitude about it. We're not together that often anymore, definitely not as often as I'd like to, so I'm scared of damaging our relationship by speaking my mind.



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07 May 2017, 3:46 am

Closet Genious wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Have you told her that what she says is hurtful? Have you had a conversation about it? Sometimes people don't actually realise how they are until a mirror is held up to them.


I haven't, and I don't think anyone has ever challenged her attitude about it. We're not together that often anymore, definitely not as often as I'd like to, so I'm scared of damaging our relationship by speaking my mind.


There's a way of saying things without being too confrontational. When she makes a comment you can say: "When you say things like that I feel hurt because whatever the reason is" rather than say "that's an awful attitude, how can you be like that?!"

Maybe try and engage her. Ask her how she thinks it makes you feel. Ask her why she feels that way.

It's easier said than done of course. I find when people say things that hurt me I just feel shocked and then a few hours later I think of what I could have said.

Don't blame her. Just say how it makes you feel. If my sister said something like that to me, I'd be like, oh I didn't realise that's how I was coming over.

Anyway, not all women hate men, so don't go back to college and think that all the girls you meet are going to look down on you. All women are individuals and you just don't know who you might meet and click with.



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07 May 2017, 3:51 am

And it's not like I don't understand why she's upset either. I know she want children and a family, and time getting scarce. It must be frustrating for her, but I also feel this attitude is what is keeping her from getting what she wants. And I don't see how taking it out on me is going to help her.



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07 May 2017, 3:56 am

hurtloam wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Have you told her that what she says is hurtful? Have you had a conversation about it? Sometimes people don't actually realise how they are until a mirror is held up to them.


I haven't, and I don't think anyone has ever challenged her attitude about it. We're not together that often anymore, definitely not as often as I'd like to, so I'm scared of damaging our relationship by speaking my mind.


There's a way of saying things without being too confrontational. When she makes a comment you can say: "When you say things like that I feel hurt because whatever the reason is" rather than say "that's an awful attitude, how can you be like that?!"

Maybe try and engage her. Ask her how she thinks it makes you feel. Ask her why she feels that way.

It's easier said than done of course. I find when people say things that hurt me I just feel shocked and then a few hours later I think of what I could have said.

Don't blame her. Just say how it makes you feel. If my sister said something like that to me, I'd be like, oh I didn't realise that's how I was coming over.

Anyway, not all women hate men, so don't go back to college and think that all the girls you meet are going to look down on you. All women are individuals and you just don't know who you might meet and click with.


This is actual good advice. I guess I will have to try to control myself a bit, and be the bigger person in a sense. If it feels like a personal attack she will most like get angry and defensive. That's why I've been hesitant of initiating it, I know this is something I need to practise in other areas aswell.

I will be try my best to be more open minded. It just doesn't help that my dad is incredibly bitter about women too, though he has some actually valid reasons for being that way. I still feel like my family is a bad influence sometimes.



Unwanted1forever
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07 May 2017, 3:56 pm

I'm an orphan so never had family but I can say I don't trust women at all because they are manipulative and will do anything to get whatever they want



Closet Genious
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07 May 2017, 4:16 pm

Unwanted1forever wrote:
I'm an orphan so never had family but I can say I don't trust women at all because they are manipulative and will do anything to get whatever they want


I didn't see my dad the first 15 years of my life because my mom manipulated the family court, even though my dad was stronger emotionally, mentally and economically. So I am struggling with it too.
I feel like I don't know which foot to stand on.



Unwanted1forever
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07 May 2017, 4:19 pm

That's the thing you have family to turn to I don't it's literally just me myself and I