Question on gifts

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Hey you guys, I wonder if a few of the regulars can shed some light for me and give me some advice here.

As I've mentioned, I'm NT and my partner is ND. We've been together for quite a while but there's still one area we have difficulty. That area is gift giving.

One of his hobbies is making jewelry. He likes to do bead work and make necklaces and earrings and stuff and then he likes to give them away.

And this is where this is a small problem: I am not at all a jewelry wearer - I don't even wear a watch. I have jewelry that I've bought for myself that I don't even wear because I just find that I don't like the feeling of having things ON me, if that makes any sense.

I tried to explain this nicely to him, but he takes it that I'm rejecting HIM because it's HIS hobby. How I tried to explain it is if I bought him season tickets to the opera - HE doesn't like opera, it's ME who likes opera, so I would not give him something that I know he doesn't like. But I'm not sure I was very clear with that.

Can anyone show me a better way to express this? Or is this something I should change in me to accommodate him?

Does he go to the Opera with you?

I think you gave a very good example. He may need some time to process the information.

No, I attend these events on my own because I know he doesn't like them.

What does he like, and you like, too?

Just a thought. Perhaps, you could state it in the very same way that you've answered Boo's inquiry, as your point/explanation is put/comes accross in the most simple and logical terms.

...he might feel quite excited to present you with his gifts, as he has most likely put more thought and consideration into the pieces that he makes for you, being that you are special to him. Perhaps, you might begin by letting him know what you appreciate about his gifts. Perhaps others will chime in with ideas, more suitable, however. Best wishes.

Last edited by Britte on 28 Jan 2017, 1:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Can you still accept them as gifts? Maybe it would make him happy if you displayed them without somewhere without having to wear them constantly?

maybe give him suggestions or ideas.

To be honest that was a good example but maybe you need another one that like more extreme. It must be a bit irritating if you feel like he is giving you a gift because its his hobby than him thinking about you and choosing a gift that he thinks fits you to that you would like.

or just buy him opera tickets since its your hobby

Buying him opera tickets will garner the same reaction as
Fred Flintstone.

Fred pretended he was sick, then snuck out to go bowling.

And at one point, this is basically exactly what I said. I don't wear jewelry. I never have. It's not like I don't want to wear HIS stuff, I don't want to wear ANY stuff. If it were expensive, I wouldn't wear that either because I just don't like wearing jewelry period.

And yet I feel guilty because he puts a lot of effort into some of these pieces and he gives them to me so they can sit in a box. I do wear them around the house once in a while (because I know he wants me to) but on an average day I don't, because I just don't like to wear any jewelry and he knows this because I've said this many, many times.

I've even given him examples - give me a gift card to a local spa, a bookshop, a coffee shop if you want to give me something. I know it's impersonal. I get that. But jewelry is completely lost on me and I can't make him see that.

I don't thing you need to feel guilty you are still making an effort to try and wear them sometimes even when you don't like jewelry!

Does he ever do the same for things you like but he doesn't just out of curiousity?

Maybe instead you could help him fund an outlet for the hobby (like selling them on ebay or something) so that he doesn't only have like you to make them for.

Maybe you do just have to be blunt with him. After all if you can't be honest with your partner than who can you be honest with.

Yeah, and I have tried to just be blunt with him a few times but I know he continues to feel slightly hurt about it. He takes it like I'm rejecting him and his efforts and that's not it at all. I just don't know what else I can say to him anymore about this one particular subject. This is like the only sticky point we have.

Just wear his favorite craft, it won't bite you.

If this will be a ground of break up, I am gonna slap both of you.

You moan about girls trying to change guys all the time yet you are asking her to do something she isn't comfortable doing. She has already stated that she tries to wear it.

When did I 'moan' about girls trying to change guys? I would do wear a ring or something if it means that much to my SO, especially if it's a relationship of 10+ years like hers.

Alliekit, can you stop doing this? Using verbs like 'you moan', 'you whine'....bla bla to me?

Show respect, young one, I am 12 years older than you.

if only age and wisdom correlated. One of my flaws is just being blunt i guess

She has already said she makes the effort and surely in a long relationship he should make an effort for her aswell.

Also I will show you respect when you respect others